Why should he care?

Question

Hi, i've been seeing my boyfriend for a year and he's really good with my daughter and i we always spend time as a family. My daughters father is in and out of her life and has been keeping her ocassionaly when i have things to do. She will stay with him but she will cry to go home. He wonders why shes so anti-social with him, duh its because she doesnt know him well. Anyway its the opposite with my boyfriend. They love eachother and she calls him uncle-daddy. He doesnt seem to mind. I've noticed that yesterday i took her to see her dad and she was very cold with him, she didnt want to stay, but she was so happy when i took her over my boyfriends house. He doesnt know i have a boyfriend and I dont get into his personal business because I dont care.If he knew his kid was calling another guy dad he would get so mad but why would he care when he's not doing sh!t for her? Am I a bad mother?I dont care too much for her father but he is starting to get on my nerves now.

i am not delighted in her happiness. i tried trying to get her to know her dad, i cannot force him to see her or spend time with her. i have done all i could. it is up to him to make the effort. i shouldnt have to chase him down.

the only way he sees her is if i bring it up or ask if he can take her for a few. he doesnt offer to get her much and i dont talk to him much. ive gone months without talking to him. he just does nothing for her, no child support, no clothing, nothing for x-mas or anything. if i hadnt taken her over there for thanksgiving yesterday, there would've been no contact. i am not trying to push her towards anyone but her father but what can i do if he wont do anything for her?

Answer 1

Hello:

I think that the biological father found out that your daughter was calling another man "dad" he will get mad. But that is in no way your fault. It is his own fault that his daughter does not call him "dad". If he spent more time with her, or acted like a father, than she might grow to love him and understand that he is her real father.

Since she is just a child she will consider whomever is around to be her father, and if your boyfriend is the one around and the one who cares for her, he is the one she will latch onto.

You are in no way a bad mother. You are only doing what is best for your daughter. Since her biological father is incapable of being her father and providing her with a family, you have found someone who is willing and loving enough to fill that role of a father.

Do you have sole custody of your daughter? Maybe if her father is in and out of her life whenever it is convinient for him, you should consider taking hher out of his life permanently. Your daughter obviously does not like him, and he is obviously not responsible enough to handle having a child. Just make sure he pays you child support.

I hope this helps and good luck.

Answer 2

No I don't think your a bad mom just a bit bitter because old boyfriend/father is not much of a responsible Dad and you expect and want him to be!

Family time, love and consistency are the most important things for your daughter I hope you continue with such for her and do not jump around too much in relationships.

As far as the ex well don't spend too much time on him focus on the good in your life. Does he pay child support, does he have legal rights to her, is there a visitation set up through the courts?
If not you might want to do all of this legal and see if that makes a difference.
You seem pretty mature and keeping your life private to the ex is a great way to give yourself and your daughter some security.

Answer 3

I'm a single mom too, and I don't think much of my kids' dad either. He has never treated our kids like a top priority.

To answer your question: why would he care? Well because despite the fact that you say he does sh*t for his daughter, men usually never see it that way. My ex takes the kids on average for 5 hours on Saturday, and thinks that's more than enough. I mean be honest, I'm sure he loves his daughter, he just doesn't know how to be a father. And if everytime he sees her, he's greeted with a tantrum, it makes it hard for him to bond with her.

Are you a bad mother? well, no I don't think you're a bad mom, but personally I wouldn't be letting my child call my boyfriend daddy. If you 2 decide to get married, then maybe it's ok. But why would you want her to get attached to this man who is not a sure thing yet. Just because you act like a family, doesn't mean you are a family.

As far as her real father, in my opinion, you have a responsibility as her mother to do everything you can to help her have a healthy relationship with her dad. When you're getting ready to bring her to his house, get excited for her, talk about how much fun she's going to have. Smile and greet her father warmly, let her know it's ok for her to love her dad.

It kinda sounds like you're delighting and taking pride in your daughters' sadness, instead of trying to help her get to know her dad. I think you need to re-evaluate what is in her best interest.

Answer 4

If I were you, I'd stop asking the bio father if he wanted to see your daughter. Move on... I know when you have a child with someone you want that child to have a father, but, to be honest with you... the bio father isn't being a father. It sounds to me that your boyfriend is the male figure in your daughter's life; and that he likes her and she likes him. I don't mean to sound harsh, but, as for the biological father, I'd stop taking my daughter around him; and eventually it'll be OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND. Good luck! Oh yeah... and NO, you are not a bad mother, you're actually a darn good mother to keep trying to take your child around a man who helped make her, but, who obviously has no interest in the child.

Answer 5

Your boyfriend sounds like the type to keep in your daughter's life as a father figure. I don't believe your a bad mother! Mother's always knows what's best for their baby when the real dad steps out of the picture. I know you'll do what's best for your daughter no matter what. Keep up the faith in your life and you'll be a great mom and dad for your daughter.

Answer 6

Thats certain men for you, have kids, "act" as if they couldn't careless then if they hear there child/children call some other man "daddy" hit the roof.
I think deep down your ex does care about his daughter but doesn't show it properly, the way that he should.

I know you don't care too much for your ex but maybe you should sit and talk to him about this or when he takes your daughter be there until she feels more comfortable.

Good luck, Leanne

Answer 7

Hello,

Perhaps, she looks upto your boyfriend for comfort and support. It is natural for a child to look upto a father like figure. He may be what she considers to be a comforting presence.

You are not a bad mother, its only natural for a child to look upto a fther like figure and perhaps your boyfriend is there more often than her father. It is only natural.

All children look upto someone for support and therefor she may feel less threatened by your boyfriend. Simply because he is there more often.

Hope All Goes Well

Answer 8

well no ur not a bad mother but u should tell him and just say you know she's doesnt know you that well and tell him he needs to start helping out because if he doesnt he will be seeing less of her and she will be more cold to him. Just say the truth dont be so scared....You Shouldnt Care your right you have no reason to care

Answer 9

I think you should let her father know - it is his business if someone is spending time with his child. And he's going to have to deal with it. It's his fault that his relationship with his daughter is the way it is. Not yours. You shouldn't be made to feel guilty about that. Let your daughter have her uncle-daddy.