Do You Think A 39 Year Old Man Who Lives With His Mother Is Normal?

Question

My co-worker has a brother who's 39 year's old who still lives with his mother. He never takes out the trash or helps around the house....the mother does all that. Never been married, hasn't had a girlfriend in 10 years. He slapped his sister for calling him a "freeloader". He's been in a jail for stalking a girl. And he used to yell and talk down to his elderly father when he was alive. He only works part time, and has never bought a car, phone or furniture...his parent's did that for him. It breaks his mother's heart, because he cries to her all the time that no one loves him. Funny thing is he seems perfectly normal, intelligent, and well spoken to strangers. How would you characterize this type of mental illness??

wmf936?? I am not making this one up!!! I swear it's true. I need a name for this mental illness, so I can tell my co-worker.

Answer 1

Yeah, have heard of this before, believe it or not.

The word you're looking for is co-dependency.

It isn't an official mental illness, though, it's more of a bastardized mental illness that the psychiatric community gave up researching and studying because they just couldn't find out what caused it, which explains why there is no knowledge of it in our society, and people who have it like this man are instead called "lazy" or "mama's boys".

My uncles and other people in my own family have had this illness and it is for real.

Like I said, the roots of it are very complex and it is hard to treat, but treatment for it has to start with psychiatric counselling for a long time, and possibly anti-anxiety medications as well.

For men like this one, it is almost always a result of not having a father or other man in their lives to teach them to be strong and independent for themselves, so they never learn the skills they need to cope and just rely on someone else to take care of them, almost always their mother.

All I can say as to what help this man should get is to find a good psychiatrist or psychologist, or to find a support group for people with low-grade or unspecific mental illnesses in the phone book or on the web, and more importantly pray for him, and get his brother or mom to find a priest or pastor for him to talk to and confide in as well.

Answer 2

I don't really think it's fair to really assume that he's mentally ill. If he's being enabled my his mother or whoever else lives in the household not being forced to move out and/or get a job then really why should he? I'd bet that he doesn't' just have his own room but has his own part of the house (a furnished basement, attic, whatever). He may have some social anxiety but he may also feel like a lot of adults that are living on their own "the cost of living is too expensive and doesn't look to be getting any cheaper". You've already said that his parents have bought him everything he owns. Maybe the question should be is there something wrong with a mother who allows her 39 yr old son to live with her?

Answer 3

I wouldn't automatically call him a mama's boy or a loser, simply because Corporate America can sometimes be held partly to blame in preventing even bright individuals from succeeding in the workforce. Americans are losing the fundamental right to be able to provide for themselves and their families; this is why many people are forced to live with their families. Jobs just don't pay living wages anymore.

Oh, try putting on a song and dance for over 50 employers and being rejected by them all because "they didn't like you".

http://www.lettersofrejection.com

And don't forget, you never hear of a 39 year old woman who lives with her father because women can leech onto whatever rich man comes her way and just spread their legs...

Answer 4

I wouldn't characterize a mental illness. He can live like this because his mother lets him.
In our N.American culture it isn't common for a man his age to be at home freeloading off his mother but there are reasons for it. His mother may have never subscribed to the "allow our children to grow through independence concept." She may need his company. Don't get me wrong, no bashing of mothers here, simply that his needs are being met as are hers. Even if you don't understand it they are fulfilling something in each other.

Answer 5

It is common enough to find this in life. After high school most activities become hidden. Mothers care for the sons who are a little slow but this is a mental study not an illness. interbreeding at the third level is not found in our open society.

Answer 6

I certainly agree with the person who advised that you put as much distance between yourself and the 39-year-old man with his mom as you can. and as quickly as you can. this is a particularly dangerous situation. you are dealing something far more explosive than what you think. the mother-son thing has had decades to develope and it is far, far more intense than you will ever know unless you get caught dead in the middle. run and stay away!

Answer 7

Sounds like a major case of sociopathy to me. People who expect everything to be done for them, and who do nothing in return are spoiled children at heart. He needs a rude awakening, and I suspect it will come the day after his mother dies and he has to fend for himself. My question is why is his family letting him act this way, and why he wasn't thrown in jail for assaulting his sister? people like that never learn if others keep letting them away with bad behaviour.

Answer 8

my uncle is just the same, but he's like 40! he has aspergers syndrome and omg he has got such severe OCD that my grandparents need to kick him out because they just cant live with him anymore! it is so bad! i feel so sorry for him but there is nothing we can do! he isn't diagnosed and he isnt medicated and he refuses to see a gp!
my advice, get this guy to see a councellor or a GP or someone, they may be able to help him!

Answer 9

Sounds like a free loader, manipulator,stingy, afraid to be alone man! Well it has all to do with the parents putting up with this crap..Maybe if they told him to get the hell out of their house or better yet kicked him out..he would not be in this situation.

it's the parents fault, they are enablers!!!!

Answer 10

Sounds like a mama's boy. Or he wants to live off of other folks.