fit in or go your own way.....?

Question

How many parents here think it is better to teach your child to fit into society then to "do his own thing?"

I am a mother of two daughters with another child on the way and I personally just cannot wrap my brain around the concept of fitting in to be happy. i think you can be much happier by staying true to yourself, even if that means being radically different. What are some opinions on that?

Answer 1

Ha ha! I have no idea how to teach my children conformity. Everything I do goes against the norm. I don't mean to be that way but it is just the way my belief system is. I home school my kids which sets me apart from many of the other parents in my area. I'm a non-Christian which sets me apart from almost all the home school community. I believe that natural is best which carries over into our every day lives because we won't use chemical cleaners and we refuse to eat many prepackaged foods. We've been doing that for a very long time. The rest of society seems to be getting on board with the whole foods thing and that is good. But I can tell you that for a long time people, even close friends, would give me a hard time because I'd read food labels and refused to eat things most people eat. We also practice attachment parenting; breast is best, the family bed, baby wearing.

Everything I listed above makes one seem different and not very popular. But I am a happy person and stand by what I believe. I'm not about to conform because it will make life easier and I'll have more friends. I think you can only really be happy if you are true to yourself. I don't fit in with my own parents, grandparents and cousins. They kind of put up with me because they have to. But they all think I'm weird. It isn't that I'm weird but that my belief system is so very different from theirs. But who cares? I really don't. I'm happy. I do have friends and I'm successful.

I'm raising my kids to follow their own beliefs and to not worry about what other people think.

Answer 2

I agree with you, I think you should continue to foster in your child child a sense of personal independence. It might be difficult in the short run, but long term I think it makes for a stronger human being and you need that in today's world.

Just one note of caution though, some people by temperament are very complying and have sort of a phlegmatic personality, and if your child is showing signs of that, please don't run roughshod over it. In many cases, it's just that, it's how they are wired. I would say that you should still stress the need for independent thought as everything should be in moderation, but just be sensitive to it.

Answer 3

I think the best thing to do is have a mind of your own - telling your child that conformity is best, is like telling them that other people's opinions are better than their own. It's also a good thing to teach them that there are times to conform (in a right/wrong situation). On a general note, having a mind of your own is best.

Answer 4

I think it's important to "fit in" on certain things and to "not fit in" on certain other things. I think you just have to know where to draw the line.

Some parents encourage "being yourself" a little too much and their children end up being so different they don't have one sense of reality or what's normal. But then there are those children who's parents encourage them to be themselves and they are perfectly expressive and happy and still "fit in" even though some of their ways are different.

Answer 5

it is a constant struggle balancing the two. i always tried to give the choice.

you can act like those girls if you want to fit in, or you can act how you want an enjoy playing over here/alone/with me.

you could wear the shoes everyone else has or if it's more important to you, you could wear your favorite shoes. it's your choice.

i wanted them to fit in enough to do regular things like school and sports teams. so i compromised.

Answer 6

I agree we need to be who we are,not be who someone else wants us to be.It is better to be hated for who you are then to be loved for who you are not!!