I had been Molested when i was 5..?

Question

I had never told anyone in my family.. Infact this is the first time Im even talking about it.. 4 so long i had been scared and ashamed.. I fear men and i don't trust anyone. I feel sometimes i live a fake life.. Eeveryone around me thinks that im strong and have a total control over my life.. I don't like feeling pity for my self cause i refuse to live like a Victim. Every time i think of my past i wanna cry.. im so hurt that i find it had to cry.. I wanna live a normal life im sick and tired of pretending.. Why can't i forget..?

Answer 1

As a survivor myself, I can understand the feelings you have. The only way to move beyond those feelings is to actually work your way through them. You have to allow yourself to remember and to experience the myriad of feelings that follow such trauma. The safest way to do so is under the care of an experienced professional. I recommend RAINN as an excellent resource and referral service: http://www.rainn.org/
Hotline: [phone]-HOPE (4673)

1) You have NOTHING to be ashamed of! You did not have any control of the situation you were in; you were innocent and powerless, and some twisted @$$#0I3 took advantage of that and robbed you of your childhood.

2) CRY - You were hurt, and need to grieve for your childhood and for what was lost -- it is a normal and healthy part of the healing process. The key is not to wallow in self-pity or to think that the world owes you something because you suffered.

3) SCREAM - You also probably have been keeping in a lot of rage, at the person who violated you (and perhaps at those who did not protect you from it). Mine always surfaced in my dreams. To help myself let it out, I found music and songs that expressed anger and disgust and would play them and sing along at the top of my lungs with tears streaming down my cheeks. It felt so good to have that outlet and stop trying to suppress those feelings.

4) WRITE - Whether it's a journal to help you through the process, or letters to those you feel have some responsibility in what happened (you don't have to actually send them); this is another way to release those feelings, and also to recognize that you were truly defenseless. In some ways, writing about it can help you take a step back - almost as if you are telling someone else's story - and it helps you see from the perspective of the person you are now, that you have no reason to feel shame.

5) LOVE - Last but NOT least! LOVE YOURSELF... take pride in the fact that you are a survivor and that this experience has made you a stronger and more compassionate person. Share love with others -- through organizations like RAINN or Big Sisters, you can reach out and help others deal with their own similar tragedies. In time, seeing yourself as a person who has so much to offer, you will learn that you do have a lot to offer the world, as well as to offer in a personal relationship.

Finding the ability to trust men, and to allow yourself to open up to an intimate relationship (emotional and/or physical) will take time. NEVER try to force it, and don't let anyone pressure you - if they do, then you know they do not truly love you and you have to walk away. This is again best addressed with the help on an experienced counselor.

Feel free to contact me (click on my avatar or name, then click contact HearKat) if you want to communicate further. You should be proud of yourself for having gotten this far. Hold your head high and live with dignity. Remember that living well is the best revenge -- that means that by not only surviving, but by succeeding in life despite that creep, you have not allowed him to destroy your spirit. I wish you nothing but the best.

Answer 2

Unfortunately you will never be able to forget. At least that is what my experience has been. I was molested by my father starting when I was about 7.

It is hard to live with and I feel like a lot of my life choices have gone bad because of what happened when I was young. I get so tired of hearing people tell me that everything in my life is there because I wanted it to be there. Right! What a load of crap that is, what seven year old wants to be molested by her father? None that I know of.

The best you can do, is try to forgive. That is the only way you will be able to move on. Don't just forgive the person who molested you, but forgive yourself as well for carrying the pain around with you for all these years. You should not be ashamed, you did nothing wrong.

The trust thing and the fearing of men is a larger issue and you may want to seek counseling to learn how get over your fear and begin to trust again. You once were a victim, but you aren't any longer and it is o.k. to cry for your lost innocence, but then you need to move on. I would also suggest seeking out a support group in your area so that you can talk openly with others who have been through the same thing. It will help.

Answer 3

These situations are always delicate. I was raped when I was 18 and the only thing I could do was cry for days at a time. Then one day I got tired of crying. I stood up and took back over my life.
You will never forget what happened to you, but you can learn to deal with it in more positive ways. If you are completely against counseling and therapy, just some daily affirmations may be the best way to start. And please try to talk to someone that you trust. Getting it off your chest and having someone understand is the best way to cope with trauma. Remember, you are not a victim, you never were a victim. You are a survivor. You are that strong person everyone thinks that you are. Sometimes it might not feel like it, but to have gone through that and come out and been able to go on, you have proven yourself strong. So, don't feel like you are pretending. You are who you are, no matter what.

Answer 4

You cant forget because it is real. It was not your fault and you should not have to try and deal with this on your own. It is not right that you should fear men. It is not right that you should live a fake life. And you should definately not feel ashamed, because you did not cause it. For you and any others who have gone through this, you must seek professional help. The people on this site cannot give the help and support you need.

If you can write this here or you can read this and identify with it, remember, that you were the victim. There is no shame in seeking help, and it will help you enjoy the rest of your life as a stronger happier person.

Answer 5

That's tough stuff. I think you might be still traumatised slightly by it which might have been aggravated by the fact that you've been suffering in silence all this while.

It's the return of the repressed you know. Most of us who go through traumatising experiences never really do recover fully from it within a short time. So make time your ally. In as much as it inflicted a deep pain in you, the fact is the pepetrator is in worse condition out of his disgust with himself/ herself.

I feel like you sound like a very strong girl, i'm impressed. It's nothing to be ashamed of on your part, having done nothing wrong. There should be no fear in you in openly talking about the events with a chosen someone who you are absolutely sure you can trust. Maybe, if it's not beyond your means you can try talking to a professional about it if you're comfortable enough about it.Finally, just learn to let go, it's a far better option in the end and stay hopeful.

Wish you a good journey.

Answer 6

1 out of every 4 American girls will have been molested or raped before the age of 18 90% of those cases will have been from someone close to them. It is an alarming and sad truth. Its not an easy thing to deal with and one that is seldom resolved alone. You should see a rape/crises councilor who specials in child trauma from such things.

My heart bleeds for you sweetie I'm truly sorry for what happened to you. It doesn’t have any reflection on who you are and its not your fault that this happened. If it is causing you so much pain as you say you should really seek some help, I'm sure the road to recovery will be shorter then you think, if you take a step in the rite direction.

As far as trust issues I can understand. I think that you will find that a lot of men are caring and sensitive and willing to treat you how you should be. Just don’t let your childhood past push away mr.rite. Just open yourself up but make sure you always have some controll.

Answer 7

The world is drowning in the after affects of all abusers. Many many such people were abused themselves very young, and have gone on to infect multiple people who will never know how to make sense of it all. It cost me a lot as a victim. So great was my hate and so ashamed of what I could never tell that I could only hate myself inwardly while appearing to be the master of control.
I tried suicide, all the drugs I could take and eventually served 10yrs in prison.
I never hurt anyone sexually, but the baggage of my past left a trail of pain for all those who cared about me, and guaranteed a heavy price to pay for being a stranger.
I was not a nice person and I even fathered children who were abandoned by me when I went to prison.
Family got me. Then they got my brother, then, while I was in prison, my brother got my niece and daughter aged 4yrs and 7yrs.
I blame myself for what happened to my daughter, because I was not at home where I belonged.
I doubt I will ever get over the puss in my life, but I sure as hell took charge of it when it suddenly wasnt just about what happened to me.
My upbringing became a sewer of childhood degradation.
I looked at my children and realised I had to change my attitude to how I see the picture.
I decided from that day that I only need to worry about what it is I AM DOING WRONG.
Be kind to yourself.
Eventually all your life experiences will add up to make your character into all the person you will be.
Seek help early and use all that came before to knit your strength and your sensitivity into a virtue.
Your statement shows that you are one of the victims with a heart left in you even though it is damaged.
I now work with violent youth.....
Your life experience qualifies you to speak on the subject .......
Go well

Answer 8

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I too was molested at a very young age by our neighbor boy, whom my family trusted to babysit me. To this day I hate him for it. I'm 34 years old and I didn't tell my Mom until I was 25. She cried and wanted to kill him. You need to hold your head up high. I really think you need to talk to a close family member about it and maybe even a professional. I know he made you feel like if you told anyone then you would be the one in trouble, I wish I knew then it was the other way around. Be strong, but if it still makes you cry to this day then you really need to talk to someone, you can't hold it in anymore, When I finally told my Mom I actually felt better, there was this relief, I didn't feel dirty anymore. Sure I know it still happened but I took over my life by telling my Mom, I wasn't hiding it anymore and moved on. I'm happier for it. You can't forget because you haven't told someone and talked it all out. Talk about it, if not your mom maybe a sister or aunt. You will feel so much better, Good Luck to you sweetheart, I know exactly what your talking about.

Answer 9

it's good that you put that out there I think that's the first step. Just b/c something like that happen it doesn't mean you not a strong person. You can have fears ,It's ok. !
As far as men I think you need to become ok with yourself first then you can start trusting men.
everyone has secrets. It doesn't mean your a fake!! Everyone doesn't need to know your whole life.. But don't let it control you
There are goood people out there. -people you can trust and people who will respect you.

Answer 10

If you can't let it go then you are still the Victim. Why let this idiot ruin you for the rest of your life........ he is one out of millions of guys.. never judge the rest by him,, learn to read people and just trust!! If you have to take a self defense class to empower yourself then do it,, But TODAY,, Just LET IT GO!! that will be living the rest of your life instead of the charade.. Write it down on a piece of paper then burn it!! LET IT GO!!!! you owe yourself that Victory!!