this is seriously funny please rate this joke?

Question

So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says,"OK for you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush. At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes.

Then it suddenly gets very quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird might be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on." The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

Answer 1

nice joke dawg i love it!!! well here some for you since i think you like long jokes. lol.

1. A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans.

So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife.

However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived
Date: April 6, 2006


I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

2. After numerous rounds of "We don't know if Osama Bin Laden is still alive", Osama decided to personally send President Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was "still in the game".

Mr. Bush opened the letter, which contained a single line of "coded" message:

370HSSV-0773H

Mr. Bush was baffled, so he sent copies to his Chief of Staff, and several Secretaries, including Condi Rice and Donald Rumsfeld.

Their assistants and aides had no clue as to the meaning or translation of the code, so it was sent to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, then to the CIA and also to NASA.

With no clue to the translation, they eventually asked Israel's MOSAD for help.

Within a minute, MOSAD cabled the White House with this reply:

"Tell the President he is holding the message upside down."

3. Fred had been very religious and was in the hospital in a very ill condition. The family called their priest to stand with them. As the priest stood next to the bed, Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate suddenly and Fred motioned frantically for something to write on.

The priest lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper. Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, and then he died. The priest thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

At Fred's funeral, as he was finishing the ceremony, the priest realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Fred died.

He said, "You know, Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."

He took the note from his pocket and read, "You are standing on my oxygen tube!"

4. A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to 3 men, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which man would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her. "The man got a shocked look on his face and said "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!" "Well," says the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."

So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man, "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes, then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her, I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job." "No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go the hell home."

Now they're down to one man left to test. Again they lead him to the same door to the same room and hand him the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances. This is your final test. Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The third man took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA man heard the gun start firing. One shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the third man. He wiped the sweat from his brow and said "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat her to death with the chair!"

Answer 2

From 1 to 10, its about a 5

Answer 3

8 Out of 10

Answer 4

7 out of 10

Answer 5

9/10

Answer 6

I just recently tried https://tr.im/sWhtW last month to see if I could track down my birth-parent. My bio father left me when I was 8, and has refused to contact me since. I grew up with my biological Mother and Step-father. I have only ever talked to my biological dad a couple times till recently. All I knew of him personally when I conducted the search was his full name, and the state of a previous address he used to have.
When the results came back based on the minimal info I had, It pulled up a current address even his phone number. When I called the phone no., I heard the voice of what sounded like it may be my step-brother. I asked if Joseph(my bio father) was present, and he said no but to try back after 7.
I haven't done anything with the info since, But yeah I found what I was interested in.

Answer 7

Old joke - maybe a 5 out of 10!@

Answer 8

What do you mean, why do birds make noise? How dare you! I am so offended. Seriously though, Birds make lovely "noises". It's humans who make the most noise. Different birds make various noises and all of them are glorious. Soon we shall be hearing the sound of the Cookoo. The Corn Crake is nearly extinct (due to humans). I am plagued with the sound of drunkards on a week-end and would much rather the "noise" of any bird rather than the neanderthals I usually hear.

Answer 9

That's kinda funny

Answer 10

I liked it. An 8

Answer 11

It's good! 8/10.