Thanksgiving question?

Question

I was asked to have the dinner in my home because I have the bigger home. I was OK with it. It made sence to me. I organized it so everyone had something to bring so I'm not having to do all the work. (You see my husban had a stroke 3 weeks ago and I'm having issues with my Lupus) I was hoping all I would have to do is make the ham and my canded yams set the table and be done with it. No His family told me that it was my job to do the dinner because I was having it in my home. I felt hurt because I have alot on my plate right now and for starters I was ASKED to have it here. To not be a brat I did it anyway. I need to find out if I did the right thing or should I have just told them no at last minute. How shoul dI feel and what sould I have done? Please Help?

Answer 1

I would say you are a saint. It is hard to fathom HIS parents getting on your case like that, knowing your situation. Did everybody chip in? If you supplied the main dish, THE GATHERING PLACE, did all the housework, THE CLEAN UP, and you have Lupus? I'd say that that was preeetttty selfish of them. I hope they are having Christmas...HAH!
Don't give it another thought.

Answer 2

Your problem is deeper than just holding thanksgiving at your house, you have a family who you have let treat like a DOORMAT! They know you & your husband have health issues and it wouldn't be so bad to have dinner at your house but to expect you to do it all ,this shows that they have no compassion or respect for you. However, you can be abused this way only if YOU allow it...You are an adult, DO NOT be afraid to assert yourself. If you do not stand your ground they and everyone else will keep treating you this way. Don't whine about it either unless you are willing to make the change and stand up for yourself. Again, NO ONE can take advantage of you if you don't let them. You say because you didn't want to be a BRAT you went ahead and had the dinner at your house. Don't you think maybe feeling that way stems from your childhood and has now passed over into your adulthood? They are still making you feel like a little kid and they are bullying you. Don't be afraid to tell your family how they made you feel. If they are your family and truly love you, they will listen and understand what harm they are doing to you and the relationship between you. Hopely ,THEY are mature and adult enough to see that they were wrong. Maybe you could suggest as a compromise, everyone take turns at each others house's. For Xmas, for instance, go to your brothers house. Pass around a paper and have everyone sign up for a dish or chore such as help cleaning up before or after, etc. ( you organize it, it will make you feel more in conrtol and boost your morale) . BUT whatever you do... DO NOT back down, tell them this is all I can or am willing to do for the next family function and leave it at that...good luck and STAND STRONG!

Answer 3

not exactly the same situation but I now know what's to feel bad about saying no to your family. All I can tell you is... you don't have to feel bad, they are the ones that should be ashamed if they knew your husband was sick and you are sick and they backed up from the previous plan, they should ed have some consideration for you and your situation, so I don't think you should feel bad at all, and well I don't know if letting them know how that upset you is going to help since they didn't think about that in the first place, what I would do next time that someone proposes your house, say no I'm sorry and make an excuse, and then tell them that you will be glad to help bringing some of your plates to the reunion.

Answer 4

Wow! I can imagine how you feel. That had to have been awful!
If it would've been me, I would have set up a donations basket at the foot of the table by the plates. It's amazing what people will do when you say "Donate what you feel it is worth to you." I'd be forking out a lot of money for someone else to have cooked a homemade meal for me and my family to enjoy in the company of loved ones. Not only would that give them a chance to show a little appreciation, but it might allow you to feel a little valued as well.

Answer 5

Wow that was incredibly rude of them, and you feel right to hurt. Not only was it rude but it was incredibly pathetic that you even had to ask. With your fella being ill they should be running around offering you all the help in the world, you need not have asked.

But you can't dwell too long on the stupidity of others, you have to take a deep breath and blow it all out again and get over it all and carry on being you, and they carry on being them.

You should have refused to have the dinner at your house, saying you cna't celebrate it fully this year because of the condition of your fella.

(best wishes to him, BTW)

Answer 6

You did the right thing in not starting a family war, but I agree that when you invite a guest or guests to your house they should be respectful of your generosity and bring whatever is asked of them. That said, I think it would be rude to invite someone to Thanksgiving dinner and expect them to supply the turkey. But in your house, you have your own rules, and don't you forget it!

Answer 7

lupus is tough i have it also sle and to have asked your family for some help was not out of line at all

Answer 8

Well they should have helped you. You have an incredibility selfish family. You did it, its done now forget about it.

Answer 9

feel like a door mat..hopefully the day went good.next year tell them in September,you will not be cooking..and do not be bitter because you can choose your friends not not your relatives............