It's not like I'm nervous around her, but it's like I feel frantic sometimes trying to keep her attention, keep her interested. And inevitably (at least w/ past relationships) I smother them. Why do I insist on doing this? Anyone else like this or used to be and have tips? I could use them b/c I am trying to do this now w/ about the most fantastic woman I could ever imagine wanting to be with.
2006-11-24 04:00:14 · 9 answers · asked by randyken 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Two words for you. Be YOURSELF. I totally understand how you feel when you say you're frantic because you're trying to keep someone interested, and I had the same problem. But, I've learned that when you feel something, or you want to say something, just do it...Once you break that barrier, it's smooth sailing. People are comfortable when they can just be themselves and when they can see that the other person is also being themself. Getting to know someone is more fulfilling when you "Just do it". A good way to strike up an interesting conversation is by asking her about herself. When you ask questions and she answers them, you can spot out things you both have in common. This is when the conversation gets more interesting and easy going. People need feedback from the 2nd party in order to keep productive conversation. Smothering your significant other would only make her want to go outside for fresh air. In other words, she'd eventually get tired of being smothered and if she doesn't tell you so, she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. She'll become distant and eventually, everything heads downhill. Tell her how you feel, and try not to overwhelm her physically with the smothering. She'll appreciate the fact that you can openly discuss your feelings with her because most guys are kinda personal about their emotions. Be open-minded.
2006-11-24 04:28:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're simply insecure about being in a relationship for some reason... Stop worrying about "The Big R" and instead focus on enjoying yourself... Give up constantly worrying about how things are going between you and your partner, because this will ultimately lead you to believing that you're doing something wrong, and in the end smothering them...
All relationships have their ups and downs, you just need to know that when things are going downhill sometimes a girl needs her space
2006-11-24 12:03:49 · answer #2 · answered by C.G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have low self esteem ... that's the hard cold truth. You feel just being YOU is not enough to keep someone interested so you try too hard, and it comes across as smothering. JUST BE YOURSELF. It's nice to let the other person know that you think they are great and that you think of them often, just don't call them every time you think of them. Work on your self esteem, remember SHE FELL FOR YOU BEFORE YOU STARTED SMOTHERING HER, so there must be some attraction there.
Hope it helps!
2006-11-24 12:05:31 · answer #3 · answered by Just B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a deep breath...relax those shoulders and calm down. If she is so wonderful then she will understand the difficulty you have. Dont go getting your nighty in a knot. If someone is nervous that is telling me they really like me and want to impress me..if your too cool then I feel there is no pressure on them to impress me. So dont think showing some of this anxiety is all that bad.
2006-11-24 12:04:52 · answer #4 · answered by Ivory_Flame 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah, ive been there...i've done that....it's a confidence issue...you keep thinking you're not being interesting enough, you're not exciting enough....you're constantly fighting with YOURSELF to prove yourself....but she's the one that takes the brunt of it...i've defined the problem within myself, but as to how to fix it...still working on that. i just keep telling myself to back down, which has helped, but still kind of a struggle at times....it's worth the struggle though...good luck, sorry this probably isnt a helpful answer :)
2006-11-24 12:05:52 · answer #5 · answered by the WOG 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, relax, and take your time. If she is fantastic as u say, and you both like each other, then it should be always great to be in contact with each other.......dont try soo hard to keep her interested...that could backfire on you......pace yourself, call her-go on dates-give her gifts etc....yes....but also give each other space......you are supposed to be having fun...not working to death to please her.......
So, have FUN ok!.....
2006-11-24 12:05:33 · answer #6 · answered by Trini Trixie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's with you, then she already likes you. You shouldn't feel like you have to do things to keep her attention. But if she's that bored with you, maybe she's not the one.
2006-11-24 12:04:04 · answer #7 · answered by Jenyfer C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just relax, and be yourself. You're over-compensating!
2006-11-24 12:02:40 · answer #8 · answered by grandm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe your a lil insecure bout yourself if she likes you for you go wit it.
2006-11-24 12:02:22 · answer #9 · answered by BIg Q 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋