Make me laugh and I just might vote u as best answer!!!?

Answer 1

A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the huband keeps looking.
The wife asks, "What are you waiting for?"

The husband replies, "Autumn."
--------------------------------------------
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads:

SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - 10 MILES.

He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign which says:

SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - 5 MILES

He realizes that these signs are for real. Then he drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a small sign next to the door reading: SISTERS OF MERCY

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?"

He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."

"Very well, my son. Please follow me."

He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door, and tells the man, "Please knock on this door." He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup. This nun instructs, "Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway."

He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup.

He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him.

As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:

GO IN PEACE, YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF MERCY.

Answer 2

What Was The Last Thing To Go Through The Fly's Head When It Hit The Windshield? It's Ask No Questions And I'll Tell No Lies I Saw A Copper Doing Up His Flies Are A Pest But Bugs Are Worse And That's The End Of My Silly Verse.

Answer 3

k, I'll try:


Dear Kotex,
I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my
pantiliner had a bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such
as:

*Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
*Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
*Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and
feeling fresh.
*Try Kotex blah blah blah other products...

Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has
never possessed a functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a
menstruating woman that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her
feeling fresh. Like we need more fluid inside our bloated bodies from
hell...but go ahead...I triple-dog-friggen-dare-ya... See what happens and
report back. I'll wait.
While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove
the chocolate from the vending machine. I garan-damn-tee you that the first
responders will be females who just ovulated.

Staying active will relieve headaches & cramps...well guess
what, the only activities that interest me is eating..sleeping..bitching or
crying for no apparent reason.. .and oh...does ripping someone's head off
count as a friggen' activity?????
Look, females don't need or want tips for living on their
feminine hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap
like that from elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted
their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol & barbiturates.

Printing out crap advice while sneaking in ads for the brand
that was already purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and
is enough to send a girl running to the Always brand.
It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding
smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the
packaging. Put the crap in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our
carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer.

There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink
package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store. Why don't
ya just add an in-store microphone to the damn package & announce
that...helloooo, another female in the store is on the rag!!!!!

So take your tips for living and your cute bunnies & the
smiley faces and shove them right up your ***!

Answer 4

A rhino walks into a bar on a Friday night, and sits down next to a monkey. He orders both of them a beer, and they sit and chat. The rhino keeps noticing the monkey is staring at his horn. When he finally asks him why, the monkey asks, "Is is true that rhino horns are a good aphrodisiac?" The rhino answers, "If they were, do you think I would be sitting here talking with you on a Friday night?"

Answer 5

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What are Politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

#1. I'm the head of the family, so call me The President.

#2. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the
Government.

#3. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the
People.

#4. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class.

#5. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future.

"Now, think about that and see if it makes sense."

So, the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to
check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So, the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother
sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Fi nding
the door locked, He looks in the peephole and finds his father in bed with
the Nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I
understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think
politics is all about."

The little boy replies,

"The President is screwing the Working Class, while the Government is
sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep
sh*t


Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means ,
"With Idiot For Ever !!!"



Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential
Dad says, you are my son, i'm confident. Your friend is also my son,
that's confidential!






Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"

Answer 6

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart ....Nice children you've got there, are they twins?" The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins? ..........Do you really think they look alike?" "No", replied the greeter, " I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!"

Answer 7

Did you know that when a couple from Arkasas gets a divorce that they are still brother and sister?

Answer 8

i just read this from yahoo answers and i laughed for 5 minutes..

what did the dog do when he sees the constipated cat?
he snarled viciously and scared the sh*t out of it!

Answer 9

If at first you don't succeed, stay away from skydiving.

Answer 10

two death lesbians walking down the street one day wif there hands down each others pants, wen a stranger walks up to them and ask wat they r doing, one replies 'lip reading!!