I want to spend more time with my baby but every single time I do my son, who is 3, comes over and start hugging her and kissing her and smothering her. I feel guilty about not spending time with her. I feel like she is always just in her bassinet or in the swing. I'm afraid of him hurting her and I thought he would have gotten used to her by now but he just doesn't get enough of her. I understand he loves her, but he is rough sometimes and makes her screech from getting hurt. When will he adjust, it's been 2 months!
2006-11-24 02:50:10 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I feel your pain. Let your older child "hold" the baby with your supervision some and let the older child be your "helper", bringing you diaper wipes, a diaper, helping pick out the baby's clothes...that helped with mine. I also made sure that when the new baby was asleep I spent one on one time with the older children and praised them for being such good "helpers." I also made a "helper chart" with stickers. When my older children earned so many stickers I took them out for a treat (a toy, ice cream, an hour at the park). It worked for me. I also made the rule that they could kiss the baby on the top of the head or on her toes, so they wouldn't get "baby germs". (I can hear the child psychologists now...lol!) It kept the older ones out of the baby's face and kept them from "smothering" her. He will adjust. It's a big change for him. The best advice I ever got was that I needed to remember that my older child (children) did not ask for the new baby. It takes some time, but it will happen.
2006-11-24 03:10:55 · answer #1 · answered by turnerzgirl101 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One of the answers said you could hold your baby too much... THIS IS NOT TRUE!! You really can't give an infant too much attention, the more you give them at this early stage, the less they will demand it later because they will be more secure, knowing you are always there for them. Using a babycarrier around the house is one suggestion. Make a big deal about your "special time" that you spend just with your son, so he realizes that he can have his fill of you whenever he needs. No guarantee, but it may ease the way for him to let you spend quality time with the baby as well.
Another reminder is that your son could use an activity during your "baby time". Like, here ya go junior have some playdoh and make me three cars while I spend a little attention on your sister.
2006-11-24 04:23:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whenever your son comes over to see your newborn, you should make sure that you're there to prevent her from being hurt. Your son is old enough to learn what is good to do and what is bad to do. Don't feel bad that you don't have time to hold the baby. The only way to do things around the house is to let your newborn lie in her bed. Holding the baby too much will cause a negative result; she will constantly need you to hold her and you'll never get anything done.
2006-11-24 02:55:43 · answer #3 · answered by Mrs Apple 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, your son needs a play date...just with mom to feel special again.
So once a week, when you give the newborn a nap....take time to play a special game or make a special lunch (pb & jelly is fine) with just the two of you.
Tell your son, that he is the big brother now, and that you need him to show the new baby around when she's old enough. Tell him that "he was that young once" but that he didn't have a big brother....to help! Tell him that you need him to be gentle, and to protect her from other children that come over.
Perhaps he needs his dad to give him a special playtime also...just with him.
Ask him what games he will want to play for your new playtime just with you. He will feel special again, and will look forward to being the big brother. He just wants to know that you will always love him, regardless of how many other children you have.
You are very blessed....and he just needs to know that! So tell him today.....how much you love and appreciate him...just the way he is!
2006-11-24 02:55:56 · answer #4 · answered by May I help You? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When your son does this it is my guess he is looking for your attention and approval. My guess is you encouraged him to give hugs and kisses to baby at first and he got positive attention doing so. Spend some time with your son - reading a book or something before you are going to spend time with the baby. Tell your son it is the babies turn. You could even try letting him sit on the chesterfield with her on his lap for a minute before you take over with her. If your husband would go for it - you could try getting him a doll so he can look after his "baby" while you look after yours... there are boy dolls out there and I promise it will not affect your sons development to play with a doll.
2006-11-24 03:03:27 · answer #5 · answered by family_matters 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids become jealous of their mothers, and your son probably feels like he can distract your attention from your new daughter by being the center of attention. And in return he kisses and hugs on her. My suggestion is let your husband boyfriend dad mom whoever that you trust your child with take your son for a few hours and you can spend some alone time with your daughter.
2006-11-24 03:03:06 · answer #6 · answered by Amanda A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a snugli or a sling to carry your baby in so you are always close, and it still leaves your hands free for your other child. That way, your son will see that you can do things with him at the same time.
2006-11-24 03:48:27 · answer #7 · answered by Kayt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋