Grandma ruined Thankgiving?

Question

She isn't depressed..she has a part time job she loves..even though she does complain about a younger spanish girl there....but she has always been nasty to me as a child and to my daughter...and she calls her other friends "fat"....it's like she does not like people and I am about at my wits end with her...I am out of work at the moment..so it seems the ball is in her court (she is helping with rent...etc.) and she will say ugly things to me after the kids leave the house..ugly things about my child's friends...I just don't know how to deal with her for much longer...and I am afraid it will permanetly ruin our relationship....so her age may have something to her with her bitterness...but she has been this way for over30 years...what can I do to keep the peace without saying something out of anger???

as far as me "Getting off my butt and getting a job" it is my home she lives in and I was injured at work...but work comp is not as much as what I was earning..her health is poor(Heart probs..but she wont quit smoking)and she had appointed me to be her Power of Attorney...and I have asked why she is so mean...and she denies she ever said anything...don't know how to get her evaluated for Alzheimer's or Dementia

Answer 1

Why are some people so bitter? My grandmother could be the same way, but fortunately never to me. Probably because I didn't see her that often! But yours lives with you. The next time she says something nasty, immediately call her on it! Don't wait and give her time to forget (some people don't even realize how bad they are, I think ~ not a case of Alzheimer's, just a case of nobody ever called them on their poor behavior!). Say something like, "Grandma, what ever happened to you to make you so bitter?" or "Are you always so condescending, or just around your family?" Put it bluntly, then let her have time to think about it. You may not see immediate results, if any. But at least you will know you tried. Don't be mean, though, or you will be sinking to her level ~ just be honest. And hum. =) I tend to hum or whistle a lot when people are *so* getting on my nerves that I'm about to burst. It helps to distract me as well as drown their noise out of my head ~ some days I'm humming the whole day away! God bless, and best wishes!

Answer 2

I don't know what's wrong with her but maybe you could have a chat with her and tell her that you are looking for a job and as soon as you can afford to you will help her out financially, because you do appreciate all the things that she is doing for you. However you don't like the fact that she says horrible things to you and about your childrens friends. Say to her that you know that she would rather that you had your own place, but you are working on it, and you love her for her bearing with you. You never know that might be what she wants to hear. Hey its worth a try. But whatever you do don't cause an argument because if you so she might say that you are ungrateful considering that she is helping you out

Answer 3

The only thing I can tell you is to stay away from her..If she has always been nasty to you, why have you kept her as a part of your life? Just because she is paying part of your rent is no reason to put up with this behaviour. Find another way to pay your bills and cut her out of your life unless she learns to control her tongue.
Why are you worried about ruining your relationship with her when she brings so much negativity to it? Do you realise what this can do to your child?
If you still want her in your life then you need to speak to her about her attitude and give her the ultimatum to either change it or to stay away from you.

Answer 4

You did now not do something incorrect, yet you probably did make a 10 12 months previous little lady very happy so which you ought to be very happy approximately that. i'm now not too specific what made your mum so unhappy, yet i think of which you ought to have a be conscious along with her and discover out if there is the rest that be counted, because of the fact somewhat she would merely get disenchanted because of the fact you invited over your human beings daughter. notwithstanding if she would not want to chat do now not stress the challenge and maybe finally she will come and seek advice from you all the entire experience will merely be forgotten. notwithstanding do now not stay on it and merely get on with issues

Answer 5

My grandmother has always had a hatred for my sister since she was little. She picks apart her outfit, her make-up and hair every time we see her. Finally, my sister has just given up. No matter what she does with her life or what she becomes, my grandmother will never be happy. Some old people are just that way. There is nothing you can do but limit your time you and your daughter see her.

Answer 6

I will tell u a story.Last year my grandma came visiting,she was very annoying .Sometimes she would chew toothpickes and tell me to use my hands and throw them away.I thought i hated her,but one day i thought about it and said to myself shes not going to be on the planet earth 4ever.So you have a 95% chance of living longer than her.So just tolerate her because u will certainly live longer than her.
If she is so annoying that u cant at least tolerate her, simple, go to the street.

Answer 7

You got yourself in the classic "catch-22" situation. Rent the old movie - it is a classic, but about war - it just illustrates the situations we get ourselves in when we have no way to move. Get employed or move in someone else who can help. Granny has to go, she is a witch and needs to be moved into a Happy Homes place for grumpy old people. First, tell her you no longer accept assessments of you, your children or friends or other relatives and she can vacate asap meaning like in no less that four weeks. Then get to work gettin work and a paying renter of space in your home. But get ready to evict that person as they will become a pain, too. Ratchet down your spending to the minimum or sell one of your kids. (Just kidding unless one of your kids takes after granny). Watch out for future Catch 22's. The vultures like to get us into one of them. Good Luck.

Answer 8

Keep busy....and answer with the good ole southern way.....Oh I see, Oh my, so sorry you feel that way, of course, and/or there are a lot of short comments you can make without coming down to her level.

Hope things pick up for you, you seem like a kind person....after reading your last post.

Good luck

Answer 9

Your grandmother is helping you out right now.. seems like you are going to have to deal with it.. and who cares if she says and if she is saying your daughters friends are fat.. this isn't hurting them because hopefully she doesn't say it in front of them.. You ae going to have to deal with her.. Or get off of your butt and get another job so that you don't need her help..
If she has been this way for 30 years why haven't you asked her why she talks this way and treats you and your daugther this way.. you may find the answer.. you know the only way to take care of things with out anger is to carry on a normal conversation.
why are you so worried about what she says about your daughters friends anyway.. she may have a touch of Althemiers coming on.. and this is stuck in her head..
talk to the woman and find out why she is doing this.. or grow up and let it slide off..
family is a great thing to have.. you know that because you are using her for help while you don't have a job.. there are some of us out here that don't even have that.
deal with it.

Answer 10

when you find a job and get thing back the way they suppose to be you can sit grand ma down and have a grown up talk and tell grandma how she making you feel and do it with respect and love good luck