Can anyone explain to me why it hurts SOOOOO much??

Question

Okay, i have been with my since i was 16 i am now 24 we have a 6 year old son together and another one on the way, i work and take care of my son, and will do the same for the one which is on the way... right now im on mat-leave... i make good money, but the father does pretty much nothing for the son he already has, (i dont need no smart *** come back, like i should have kept my legs closed, or can't do the time dont do the crime, etc...) i am perfectly capable of "doing the time". i know i don't need to be with him cause i am mother and father to both kids, and i know that i can do better then him, and i know im better off without him, but my question is WHY? does it hurt sooooo much to know i don't have him anymore? Why does it kill me inside to even think of him with someone else? Why do i feel this way when i know he puts himself before anyone else? what the hell is wrong with me?? HELP!!!

The first sentence should read "i have been with my boyfriend since i was 16 and i am now 24

To"NEIL" Who said i cannot be father because i am their mother, i disagree i will teach them the things their father should be teaching them!! Who taught my son to play soccer? Me! Who taught my son to stand up and pee? Me!! Who taught my son to always treat woman with respect because one day you will realise how much a woman will do for you? Me!! And my son know how his father is... and sometimes he even tells me "daddy doesn;t love me" i dont have a clue as to what his father feels, but how could i tell my son its true?? Never... i would say no honey your father loves you very much... is that fair?

and the father has not left me and the children... its the other way around... im just asking if i know how things are then why does it hurts so much ??

"SPOTPX" first of all... i said i make good money i never said i made better money then he did, so i do not think im better b/c of financial gain... and to tell you the truth i never posessed him... he had me... and that was about it!! i loved him unconditionally, and he did too, at first... then things changed i hada son and it seemed like he had a little brother to push around!! Get a grip buddy i know my life better then you do...

Answer 1

Sweetie,,I am in your shoes as well..I have been a Mom and Dad to my 10 yr old daughter,,and for the first few yrs (we have been apart for 8 yrs) I kept asking myself "Am I not doing enough? " You fell in love with this "man" and you are doing your part 150 plus percent...there are some guys out there that love the marriage part,but not the parenting.This is a lesson we have all got to learn,and yes,I know it hurts bad,especially since you are carrying and your hormones are on a ride right now,but you are still entitled to feel hurt.And I know it is exhausting to be both parents to those lovley kids you have..but look at it this way..you have the undying love of those kids which outweighs the love that any man could think of mustering up..you are doing a great job..and just because he does'nt act like he cares..it is not the end of the world..you will heal from his heartache..and you are sure to find someone who loves you for you AND your children..good luck to you..be strong..and it's ok to cry...I sometimes still do..but over the years..the crying is more happy tears than sad.

Answer 2

The heart is treacherous and is desperate and it pays not to trust it. Much of the time we make decisions based on our emotions or feelings and then pay the price later. As for being mother and father? I'm sure you do a very good job but you can't be their father because you are their mother. That's not an insult, its just the way of things. In a family unit you would have someone to lean on but it seems you do not, at least not right now. I'm sorry for your situation but if the father of the children has left you and his children then don't spend your time thinking about how you miss him. It must be hard but for now focus your time and energy on the children and time will work things out for you. And if it doesn't at least it won't hurt as bad.

Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is more treacherous than anything else and is desperate. Who can know it?"

Answer 3

That is so sad, and I feel for you. I'm sure it hurts terribly. It hurts because you loved him, even tho he doesn't seem worthy of you or your kids. He's a loser, you're a much wiser and better person, and altho it's easy to say, it's extremely hard to do; you must get over him, and find someone who deserves your love.There are really wonderful guys out there, and all you have to do someday, is to be attracted to someone nice, and God will take it from there. You'll get over the selfish guy real quick
God Bless you and good luck.
I'm adding something really important to all this pain you are experiencing..and that is "JOY"...You will have the most JOY when your kids get a bit older, and they realize that YOU are the loving parent. You will be happy and joyful when they, no matter what, have a wonderful relationship with YOU! They will always be close to YOU..that's JOY! You will always be loved by them....That's JOY! They will look upon YOU as the one who taught them everything and YOU can be proud and JOYFUL! There are many more things YOU will be happy about, that the absentee "father" is missing out on...Nothing can replace the blessings you'll have from raising your precious kids the way you are bringing them up.
Many Moms out there, like you...and I congratulate you; as it's not easy.

Answer 4

You are definitely right that you don't need him! He's not treating you very well by saying those things. You need to get out of there and move on with your life. You may be hurting now but the hurt will just get worse if you don't do something about it.

I've been in a similar situation and as much as I knew he was all wrong for me, it was still very hurtful. The longer I stayed, the worse it got until I found out he strayed one day. It hurt for quite a few years, even after I left him. The cure for me was finding someone to treat me well. I still think about that hurt though but every day that I am treated with respect and treated well, is another day that the hurt slowly slips away.

I know it hurts, but you have to get out of that situation. The longer you stay, the more it will bring you down and the longer it will take you to heal.

It hurts soooo much because we put our trust into the hands of another who has taken that trust and thrown it to the wolves. It hurts because we have given them our all and tried our best with little in return. I've asked WHY so many times with no answers. Stop asking WHY and leave this jerk and start living life. Life is too short to waste on somebody who is not willing to try for you.

Answer 5

Loving someone and letting them go is not easy. You already know that this is unhealthy for you and that you don't need him, I would say try some counseling for yourself. You have to build up your self esteem and accept that you are special. He does not love himself so he cannot love you or his kids. You have to love yourself more so that you can walk away from someone that is unhealthy for you. Remember what your kids see is what they will live, so if you have a son and this is what he sees as being a man or father then there is a good chance he will act the same way. If you have daughters they may try to find a man just like daddy.

Answer 6

maybe it hurts so much because you where once or maybe still in love with this person. Perhaps, You wanted it to work out between the two of you and it didn't. Maybe you are better off without this person, you said it your self . being a single parent is a challenge, living in a healthy happy home is important in bringing up children and if your not happy or doing it all alone. you do whats best for you and the kids. If the dad wants to help well great, if not well he's missing out big time. So my advice to you is to move on do what is right for you and your children. Give them a safe happy environment, and do your best to raise them. that will bring happiness to their lives and yours. (its not easy). The sooner you get over your pain the better . move on..... As a divorced father i can say that separation hurts! but the sooner you get over the pain the sooner you can move on and make your life better. good luck to you and the kids. and dad.

Answer 7

it hurts so much because you love him and you had a long history with him, please dont feel that there is something wrong with you, there isnt. Your mind knows that he is bad news for you but your heart is full of emotions and it is telling you how much you still love him and miss him and miss what you had over the years.
The only thing I can tell you is to let time heal your heart and it will and I hope in the meantime you meet someone who will knock you off your feet and treat you the way you and your children deserve. You will never forget the pain of your first love but it will get easier in time. Keep being a good parent and keep your head held high. Happiness will find you when you least expect it. Good luck.

Answer 8

Only advice I can offer is this. Time can mend all wounds. I was with a Girl for five years and we were 3 months away from our Wedding and I found out she was cheating on me with a so called friend.
I was absolutely devastated I felt like my whole world was turned upside down I would lay in bed and think of her with him and I would just feel nothing but pure rage and a depression that was so bad it hurt to breath. I thought I would never come out of it alive. I mean here was a woman I was ready to spend the rest of my life with and it turns out I had no idea who she really was. I didn't want to go to work, I didn't want to see my friends I didn't want to wake up. Then over time I could feel the weights being lifted off my heart and I started to realize that I would live. And it wasn't the end of the world. I will admit that the images of her with another man was the hardest thing to get over it took time but now I have found someone special. When situation like this happen to us we have a to make a choice we can ether Let it eat us alive and ruin whatever chances we have of finding happiness or we can Learn from it and and come out wiser for the wear. But we should never give up on love. It's the Greatest Gift.

Answer 9

You love him. I think you care about him so much and want him to be there for you. If you didn't love him I don't think you would be feeling this way. Can you try to talk to him about how you feel? Maybe he just isn't mature enough to do what he needs to do for all of you. He is kind of selfish right now it sounds like. You may not find yourself being able to work it out with him. If he isn't ready to be mature then he isn't ready. Can you stand to be with him this way or do you want more? If you want more then you really need to make up your mind if you want to leave him or not. Good luck and I hope your delivery goes well.

Answer 10

baby,don't let a stupid man make u feel bad u took care of ur first child and i promise u that the second child will be easier,open doors from all angles will be ur portion.u are lucky u have a job and the will power ,concentrate on urself and ur child 4get about their father i believe one day a nice person will come along.i see him as an irresponsible fellow who is just relaxed becos he feels that u are capable.i hate it when women are used becos they want to be responsible .make ur self happy u have ur son around u u have every reason to be happy with yourself.
goodluck