How can I help and deal with with my daughters Borderline Personality Disorder?

Question

I want to keep my sanity and my family's sanity. I don't want to cause turmoil with this what seems to be a life long situation. She is 7 months pregnant and the drama seems to never end. I need peace of mind that I can get through this without causing my family the pain of this illness.

Answer 1

I really do feel for you; as I've been diagnosed with BPD and I certainly understand now, how rough it was for my family to deal with me.

It's difficult enough to live with someone who is afflicted, add pregnancy to the equation and you're dealing with a new level of adversity, dealing with a major mood disorder and hormonal changes. Very complex.

I think it's great that your trying to reach out for help and work through this and if you continue a positive attitude, it will certainly pay off.

What's important to understand about BPD is that it is co-morbid, meaning that it is usually attached to another mental illness, e.g. Bipolar Disorder, Unipolar Depression (major depression), ADD/ADHD, etc.

I'm not sure how much treatment she's received; but at this point, since you've been motivated to post here, I assume it's not going well.

The first line response in treatment to BPD is medication, specifically anticonvulsants (mood stabilizers). Since your daughter is 7 months pregnant, there's a huge controversy in whether or not she should be on this medication. Unfortunately, the majority of research available for the safetly of pregnancy and post pregnancy on anticonvulsants is mainly on older drugs. There are a few case studies I've seen, where the risk in birth diffects, specifically malformations, are between 2% - 6% amongst the top anticonvulsant drugs today. These cases were reported over small research studies, where larger studies will be needed to provide the power for further analysis.

I've read that there are supposedly vitamin suppliments that can offset the effects of anticonvulsants durring and after pregnancy. You would have to discuss this with your Dr. and decide on the cost/benefit of taking medication.

The medication should keep her level headed to the point where she can be receptive to psychotherapy. In dealing with mood disorders, if you're daughter expects to go on without it taking over her life, she's going to have to change, specifically with her behaviors. This is not an easy task, as the behaviors we live with now are learned and stamped in over a very long period of time. To change behaviors that are affecting your daughter in a negative way, she's going to need the motivation to put in the effort to change. The motivation will have to come from a substantial support network, that consists of family, friends, counselors (e.g. rabbi, priest, social worker, support groups) and Doctors. Once she has the motivation to change, she can effectively take part in intensive psychotherapy and over time, learn to recognize her feelings, thoughts and emotions and learn how to choose more healthy behavior.

I haven't forgotten about you; this is not easy to deal with. You yourself should setup a personal support network, including family and friends, per haps a support group that may be available for people that deal with the afflicted, speaking with a psychiatrist/psychologist. Even online discussion boards can provide a level of support.

From your support group, you will derive strength. Having people available to keep tabs on you, what's going on and offer information or discuss how they've dealt with similar issues will indeed give you STRENGTH that you can't get on your own. The more people that become part of your network, the stronger you will be and the stronger you are, the more of a resource you can be to your daughter and your family.

Talking to a Dr is probably one of the best things you can do to develop strength. Speaking to someone who is not a friend or family member, that is a trained professional and that can offer pragmatic advice, while teaching you things about yourself is empowering. You'll be able to relay that strength to your daughter and ultimately put her in a healthier postition, give you peace of mind and eventually, you can become part of someone elses support network and help them deal with a similar issue, which is also very gratifying.

I hope this provides some perspective and I hope for the best for you and your family.

Answer 2

I'm bpd too. It can be incredibly difficult on everybody around the person.

The best treatment is cognitive behavioral therapy (maybe look into DBT...it's really a wonderful program and can help make very significant long term changes in the life of those with bpd - and therefor those closest to them). I really can't say enough positive things about DBT. If she is aware of her issues and wants help...this really is the way to go.

Often medication is used to treat specific symptoms or to treat a co-occurring mood disorder (which is very common), but it is not the first line of defense and not all that effective on it's own for people with bpd.
I would strongly recommend not taking psych meds during pregnancy if at all possible. There is far too much they do not know about the possible long term effects.

You might be interested in the book Stop Walking On Eggshells.

And here's some links to websites for further information.

http://www.borderlinepersonalitytoday.com/main/

http://www.bpdresources.com/

http://www.bpdcentral.com/

Answer 3

Sorry to hear this but first off you have to realize that if she is old enough to be having a baby, then she's old enough to reach out and ask for help from someone who specializes in this field. Also, it seems that you are taking on all the responsibility/stress for this disorder. This isn't your fault, and there's nothing you can do for her disorder other than let her know you love her and support her and that you will always be there for her if she needs someone. You might also want to suggest that if she's scared to talk with someone about this alone, then you would be more than happy to go with her and learn about ways she can deal with her illness with the right medication after she has her baby. Good Luck!!!!!!!!! Remember, try not to lose your cool and let this issue escalate into further drama. She certainly doesn't need it being pregnant, and you have gone through enough already. Reach out to a third party that's qualified and try to stay positive for all of you.

Answer 4

Read I Hate You, Don't Leave Me. Maybe it will help or suggest DBT therapy for your daughter specifically designed for BPD.

Answer 5

This is a very good blog, a beginner’s guide to abnormal psychology.
Short, clear and simple; and you can even post your question and contact the author regarding particular subject you are interested in, for FREE

http://sensitive-psychoworld.blogspot.com/