How do I pick up the pieces from an unwanted break-up?

Question

Ive been with my fiance for over a year now and everything has been perfect. He makes my life complete and he does everything in his power to make me happy. Hes my whole world and I cant imagine what Id do without him in it... Hes been a father to my daughter and such an inspiration to me. We are 3 months shy of our wedding date and we have already spent thousands of dollars on that. He tells me he loves me everyday. He has been so devoted and he is so dearly loved. A week ago, while I was at work, he packed his things up and when I got home he was gone. No note, no call, nothing. I called him but he never picked up. 2 days later he finally answered and told me it was over because it has to be and to forget all about him and to move on with my life. Why? I cant just do that? He says he was unhappy and I shouldve just known but I swear he never showed a thing. How do I move on when my everything is gone? Why is he doing this? Will I ever get him back? How can he hurt my child this way?

Answer 1

Something is just not right with all this. Why would he wait until you had set a wedding date and parted out all that money ? Perhaps he was so afraid of hurting you that he just allowed things to get out of hand. I can't understand why he would constantly tell you he loved you and just leave like that. I really feel there is more to it. I don't mean to sound harsh but from what you have said you sound very dependant on him. Am l right ?? I'm really sorry l have no idea why he has done this, it just doesn't make sense to me. How were you supposed to know he was supposedly unhappy if he didn't tell you. That's what l keep saying about communication, men have to learn to open up and discuss their feelings.Maybe there were little signs of how he felt but you just didn't pick up on them because you were so happy in your own little world of love. Look l really feel for you but this one has really got me stumped. I honestly don't know if he will come back, that is something that you two will have to work out. I am sure he never meant to hurt you or your child . It seems to me that he could be really confused about something. Try talking to him about everything but if it does not work out , you really have no choice but to move on even though l am sure that is not what you want to do. Good luck

Answer 2

He appears to be a commitment-phobic. Now that the wedding is so close, he's stricken with fear.

This man knows that he is NOT going to be able to give you what you want or need and so he must make you feel like you are the reason he left. This is how these types of guys are wired.


I know that you do not want to hear this but you have to try to move on.

Unfortunately, you haven't heard the last of him. In a few months after your planned wedding date has passed, he will reappear and begin the whole process over again with flowers and an "I'm sorry" story. Then, if you take him back, he'll leave again when he becomes uncomfortable with commitment issues.

The way to get past him is to remember the pain and heartache that he caused you, how he left without even telling you, how he didn't return your calls until he could manufacture a reason why he left by blaming you - then get angry. Don't let him have another opportunity to hurt you again...

You will find someone who deserves you and your daughter. He doesn't.

Answer 3

He sounds like a conflict avoider and possibly a bit passive aggressive (does he clam up and refuse to talk when you have a conflict or arguement?)

Back off and give him space.

Use this time to work on you. Be good to yourself, get your hair done, do your nails, pamper yourself with long soaks in the bath.

Go to the gym or run or bicycle or start lifting weights, anything that will expend a lot of your energy, this will help your state of mind and help you release your own anger, pain and frustration.

Do not track him down, do not call him, essentially go dark from his life. If he really loves you, he may come around when he misses you, but you must give him a chance to decide he misses you, and chasing him down will only convince him that he doesn't miss you at all.

Be smart. Use this time to be the best you can be for yourself and your child. Then when he does come back, you may have already decided you don't need someone who would sky out without an explanation.

Pretty much the action of a jerk.

Answer 4

sometimes we are so in love with someone, and grow confortable in the relationship that we don't see it coming, sometimes we put our trust in people and believe everything we get told, and find out it wasn't at all the way we believed it was. he tells u to forget it, because he is with someone else, for your own sanity u have to move on, u have to accept it, what makes us hurt is how we deal with it, we will never know why, except the man was truly deceitful, watched u make all the wedding plans, spend all the money, and never said a word. yes the relationship with him is gone, but u still have your daughter, and a life. he did this cause he is a coward, and he was cheating on you. please don't keep having any expectations about him, this is the thing that keeps us in pain, is waiting for a man that will never come back. what we fail to see, is this is for the best, because had they stayed, had we married this person our life would have been worse. it is hard to lose a loved one, one we thought loved us, but sometimes we can't see the truth, as we are blindly in love. takes time and distance to move past it, ofcourse u feel betrayed, and u were, he has no respect for u or your child, he is totally for himself. it would be good if u had a close friend or a minister to talk with.u will need help with this. sure u feel let down, your dreams and future are now gone. i too asked how could he end a ten year marriage, after awhile i reliazed this was just a pattern of behavior, he had done before with others, this was his true character, and i reliazed that there never was a true relationship with him, except the one i made up i my mind. he just wasn't happy to be where he was, for what reason u may never know. the more we seek the truth the more hurt we get. distnace yourself from him, don't ask him why, u may not want to hear his truth. u made a mistake with him and put your trust in someone who isn't trustworthy. he is a coward, and would actually never make your life complete. u saw him as who u wanted him to be, not who he actually was. so sorry for this, it does hurt, we have to just accept it, and quit asking why, or waiting for him to change his mind. he is with someone else.

Answer 5

Honey, we are always the last to know!

The best thing you can do now is to take care of your child, and to try to move on. You cannot force someone to love you, the same way they can't force you to love them. You were obviously in a different place from him, and he maybe wanted something different from you, that you couldn't give him. Or maybe he decided that he just "changed" and grew away from you. It is no use beating yourself up about it! You cannot change it. He is a coward and a jerk for doing it the way he did, but it's done now and there is no going back. All you can do is try talking to him. Tell him you just want to understand where things went wrong, so that you don't make the same mistake again. If he won't talk - leave it. Don't lower yourself to grovelling for someone who obviously then is not interested. I have the feeling that MAYBE (sorry to be hurtful) you were a little TOO needy, clingy and loving to him. Maybe you were TOO accessible? Try to become a more self sufficient and independent gal. That way you won't need to feel complete ONLY when in a relationship. Chin up!

I am sorry that this has happened to you - I know exactly how you feel. But there is life after a breakup. Take it from someone who is an expert at picking up the pieces of her life!

Answer 6

If you going to persue this man you are just going to make your child
even more unhappy in the end, fights and endless arguments. From my experience, just hold your head up high and look forward. One day you will meet someone and that will deserve you. Your daughter is much better off just with you then a coward of a father. I can say this because I did go thru the same thing...eight years to be excact. Mine fiance ran of with another women without warning. Today I am the most happiest man alive. Engaged to a wonderfull women for two years. If I persued my ex I would have lost out. BIG TIME. Good luck and be strong.

Answer 7

The same thing happened to my daughter except she married the guy and one day he split without any warning. No note, no phone call, nothing. She attempted to contact him to no avail, he acted like she didn't even exist. She filed for divorce and got on with her life. Now the jerk emailed and wants to know if she has a b/f, just exactly what is she doing with her life, etc. She ignored the emails and never made contact again. She sees now what he was and always will be. Life goes on honey, with or without someone. Never give up, take it one day at a time and things will get better! Like I told my daughter....what goes around comes around. One day he could get married, have kids and come home to find his wife gone and she could refuse to have anything more to do with him.

Answer 8

only time will heal your wounds. try to focus on other things in your life and seek counseling with a professional or a close friend. dont lose confidence in yourself, dont think that you did something wrong. with your daughter, that will probably be the most difficult part, because im sure you can see him in her too. you 2 gotta keep yourselves busy and shed a lot of tears, and in time everything will come back to you, just keep your head up and never look down on yourself. thats all you can do to ride the storm, hang in there.

Answer 9

This has to be one of the hardest things that you will go through, but life has to go on. not only for your sake, but for your daughters. you have to be strong. It may have nothing to do with you, it may be all about him, things like this happens. since he does not want you, do not waste another tear on him. you can, and will do better. He may have done you a favor. I know it is going to be hard for you. but draw your strength on the Lord, he will see you through this. Don't worry about getting him back, move on, start to concentrate on you. work on you. do things that makes you happy, that is what is important, at this time of your life. Think ahead, that God has a bigger, and a better plan for you!

Answer 10

You were living in a fantasy world. he's gone and there is nothing you can do about it. take a deep breath and move on. why did he do this terrible act to you and your daughter? only he knows and I doubt he'll tell you. Good Luck Why would you want this loser back????