my husband is an auto mechanic. he fixes all our cars including his ex. i understand though coz his kids are riding with her all the time.everytime her car broke, she will borrow my car. But now, the kids are riding the bus. She seldoms drop them off in the morning at the bus stop (as what the kids told me) and pick them rarely if they are late in school to go home. The kids are nice to me by the way. I told my husband since the kids are riding the bus, if her car broke then let her ride the bus, too or rent a car. So, one day her car broke, he fixed it just in one day. when in fact if that was his relatives, it will stay for a week. so , i told him that ' your ex-wife is spoiled. you are still concern about her. you know she will not ride a bus, so you find ways not to. but your kids does'. am i right that he is still concern about her and not only his kids? of course im concern about her safety but since the kids are riding a bus, why cant she?
2006-11-23 23:16:16 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
They have a bond together in the children that will never be broken.
It looks to me as if you are married to a wonderful man. Not many divorced men care whether their ex-wives live or die never mind care enough to fix her car!
I'm sure that even if the kids "ride the bus" thats not the only reason she needs her car. What about running them to activities? What about getting the family shopping? What if there was an emergency and she had to drive somewhere at short notice?
You obviously have a problem with this, but instead of being so fixated on why your husbands ex-wife relys on him to fix her car, try to think how lucky you are that you are married to a wonderful man who have enough love and respect in his heart to give a damn about his first wife and their kids.
Of course she could ride on the bus, of course she could rent a car, but why should she when she has the father of her children to help her out?
Sorry but I don't see the problem- he's helping a friend- he perhaps still feels he has a sense of duty to her and there is nothing wrong with that- leave him to it. He is trully a good man- most would be selfish and adopt the "I don't care why should I ?" attitude and you are a lucky woman to be married to someone who does good things for others.
Although... I have to say... I would NOT be letting her borrow MY car! Thats just taking it a little too far....
2006-11-23 23:27:53 · answer #1 · answered by LadyTraveller 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is ok to ride the bus to school but you can't ride a bus everywhere and then if you have packages and groceries and kids it is hard. You ex sounds like he cares about the kids and if he fixes it in one day, that is fine. I think you are being pretty tolerant to let her borrow YOUR car when hers is down. By the way, how old is this car and why does it keep breaking down so much?
2006-11-23 23:25:43 · answer #2 · answered by linda b 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he was married to her and especially if they have children together he will always be concerned about her. And especially if he was the cause of the divorce he will always try to make things easier for her since he is the reason she is struggling alone with the children.
It gets better once the kids are grown.
He needs to keep a spare car around the shop so he is not inconveniencing you to lend to her.
He could go buy YOU a new car and give her your old one. This way he shows you he loves you and is also taking care of his children.
2006-11-23 23:23:54 · answer #3 · answered by debbie2243 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he still might have a thing for her. If he was also getting his own relatives cars fixed quick, I would say that he just is hooling up the people he know's but it is not the case here.
He also might be doing it because she is such a nag that it is easier to get her car in and out then to have to listen to her call every day asking when the car will be fixed.
I would just ask him about it, but try to give him the benefit of the doubt.
2006-11-23 23:20:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a problem with this also, when my boyfriend and I started dating. So I probed some of my divorced male friends as to why he reacted to her in that manner. Here is what some of them told me:
1. Out of guilt over the marriage.
2. Concern for the children.
3. This one seems to fit best......Just for the simple fact that they don't want to argue anymore. Afterall, that is why they are divorced.
You may want to explain to him that you feel he may be putting you before her. This really helped my situation and made him think before acting. At first, I was truly convinced he was still in love with her, but now I know that is the farthest from the truth. I know it really helped me to get involved in any way I could, fielding calls,,etc. If she calls now I will answer the phone and she will tell me what is going on also. This helps to settle my mind and realize that this woman will always be part of our lives and we may as well make the best of it.
2006-11-23 23:53:33 · answer #5 · answered by stacey h 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dealing with Ex's is the price we pay when we get involved with divorced people. Yes, it IS a hassle, and irritating. As for hubby working in her car, blow it off. It's a battle that you needn't fight. Let this go, and skip the drama, cuz you probably won't win, and even if you did, it isn't what you truly want. His kids ride with the ex, so you SHOULD want them in a safe car.
2006-11-23 23:34:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes l totally agree with you. He has to remember he is with you now and she is the EX !! No special treatment anymore especially as he seems to care more for his kids than she does. He should tell her either drive the kids or catch the bus yourself.
2006-11-23 23:22:58 · answer #7 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u feel this way because u feel he makes her special, and i quite understand. he is still concerned about her, and may always be. not too much u can do about it without there being a huge argument. when we marry someone who has an ex wife, she will always be in your life because of the kids. unfortunatly this is life, and u have to deal with it.
2006-11-24 00:41:51 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are being really immature and petty. It is a GOOD thing when a man cares about someone he used to love, the mother of his children. Why do you have to feel threatened by that?
2006-11-23 23:18:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are saying honey, but - she is his EX - he's married to you. So, don't worry so much. Try not to let it get to you and be happy that he has a heart. Take care!
2006-11-24 00:19:50 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋