I'm not attracted to my wife anymore.....Help?

Question

My wife & I have been together for 3 years and since we've met she has let herself go. She has gained over 70 lbs since we met and the weight gain continues. When we "try" to make love, it is almost impossible for me to stay with it because.....there is no attraction. I love her but hate how she seems not to care about herself. I'm afraid that if I tell her it will only get worse cause she'll get depressed.....help me!

Answer 1

If you truly love her, tell her you are concerned about her health . make plans to exercise with her, walking, going to the gym, etc. I'm sure she is not happy with her weight gain either. do this is a team. you might be surprised at the results!

Answer 2

Wow, son, that's quite the weight gain....

See if your woman won't go for a walk with you in the evenings. She needs to remember what it feels like to move. Start bringing home appropriate foods. Subway is cool....just say, hon, I've got dinner tonite....and bring it home....

See what she's got for snacking. Ask her to pick up a flat of yougurt or whatever will satisfy a sweet tooth that is nutritious (don't panic over fat content right now) Ask her to make a salad with dinner and eat the salad first.

Ask her every day if there is anything you can do for her. Indicate that somewhere in that 24 hour rush, you thought about her. It's nice when she picks up the habit, too....

Help her clean the house. Say, hon, I'll dust if you run the vacuum. Take her to play raquetball, walk the mall, go camping.....anything that involves not sitting down.....

I'm sorry about the intimacy. For now you might be better off just going for some serious makeout sessions.....Don't attempt to do the impossible anymore.....do what feels good and intimate. If having actual intercourse doesnt work...get creative.

Take her to Kama Sutra and Tantric Sex sites. See if the lure of intimacy will entice her to care more.

No negative comments. Do all of this respectfully and cheerfully. Be her best friend.

You may also want to have her have a physical. Just to be sure all is well. And ask about multi-vitamins. They're a great way start balancing your daily nutrition.

I commend you for wanting to stay, young man. It's quite an adult attitude. Hang in there. She's a lucky girl to have you. You'll be a lucky man when she comes around because she will know you stuck by her.....

Answer 3

70 lbs in three years? Yikes! Thats a lot of poundage in a short amount of time without a pregnancy involved. (I'm assuming there was no pregnancy,otherwise all bets are off)

And I'm also going to assume you are in good/decent shape too, otherwise drop it.

I'm sure she's aware that shes' packed on 70 lbs, and probably doesn't feel great about it. Try encouraging her to go for a walk with you 2 or 3 times a week. Be subtle, bring home some healthier snacks and just put them in the fridge and eat them yourself. Lead by example.

Sometimes people just need a jumpstart to get back to living healthy.

Answer 4

You need to get to the bottom of the weight gain! There has to be a reason and it may be that she is already very depressed! Get her to a doctor. If you REALLY love her like you say you do then you will get answers and help her out. You list at least 2 symptoms of clinical depression already, why has this gone on so long?

Answer 5

How about signing up for a fitness regime together and working out? it's a fair and motivating move to get her attention without hurting her pride.You could say you need her support and her company to get tone together.you'll never know maybe she already has some kind of depression and food is comfort!
Depression happens to everyone before and after marriage.Even if she is not working and is a stay home wife,ask her... and listen..woman love to talk and it's up to the man to catch what she means, even if you can't just be honest and ask if she's going thru some rough time in some part of her life..
I hope it helps...Good Luck and God bless

Answer 6

Has she had kids? I can't imagine how hinting to her to lose weight would really be a problem unless she's given birth in the last three years. Sometimes people gain weight and don't realize how bad it's getting until they are like "woah" big...

Get her a gym membership or a treadmill for Christmas? Start dancing classes :)

Answer 7

I take it from your statement that you consider yourself to be gods gift to women? Do you really think you are such a "catch"? Do you think you are as gorgeous and sexy as you were when you first met your wife?

I hope you have not changed one bit and I hope you haven't gained a single pound since you met your wife because if you you have then you have absolutley no right to say what you have said.

You say you "love " her- Really? Because all I can see from your statement is someone who only cares about his wifes body- you are simply looking at the superficial person and that alone. Your wife is simply another possesion and her sole purpose in life is to look pretty and serve you!

So, she has gained weight. Why do you think this is?
Has she had children? Has she perhaps lost her self esteem since your marriage? Has she perhaps got a health problem?

Now, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say that IF you love her as you say you do, then try and gently encourage her to take better care of herself. Tell her how important she is to you and that she deserves to be pampered. She deserves to have her hair done, her make-up done. She deserves new clothes- she deserves a manicure/pedicure/a facial after all you love her and you want her to be happy.
Once she realises that she is loved and cared for, she will want to love herself and then and only then will she start to look after herself and take better pride in the way she looks.

However, I suspect she's not got time for herself. Perhaps she's a busy working mum with a husband and a home to take care of, maybe the demands of everyday life mean she hasn't got a moment to herself.
In my experience, women who have beautifully clean homes, well turned out children, well fed husbands and who also work for a living rarely have time to pick their nose never mind spend hours in the beauty parlour preening themselves whilst spending hours everyday in the Gym!

I agree that she should not let herself go, but if she is struggling elsewhere in her life, her looks are going to be the least of her worries. Although I disagree that she should simply be able to look pretty just for her husband- you have to earn that right and from what I can see- honey you have not!

If I were you, I'd suggest that instead of criticising her looks, you start by spending some quality time with her, tell her you love her, hold her, kiss her and make her feel special again. Take her out, treat her well, take her shopping, if you have kids, you look after the kids to give her some time to herself- Give her some money to go off and have her hair/nails/make-up done. Buy her some beautiful perfume.. Oh..I would also give her some respect!

If I were her, I'd dump you, get my life back together and find a real man who appreciates me for who I am as a person, and not merely an object to look pretty and hang on my every word!

Answer 8

Oh Shitz! well its only been 3 years and if she is not taking care of her self you have to motivate her, don't tell her how she is looking but take some time and both of you join a gym together and tell her that you both need to be doing things together, and by her a gift voucher for a day at the salon, show her how she can take care of her self, in a way of showing her how much your marriage means to you and ream ember when you make the best effort in your marriage its always worth it, so stick with a plan on how to make it work.

Answer 9

Tell her you love her and you know she can't be as happy now as she was when she was a healthier weight. Let her know you look forward to spending a long, healthy life with her and you worry about her at the weight she is. Be honest that you don't find her as sexy as you used to but make sure she knows you'll help her in any way you can, including both eating better, going for walks together and choosing physical activities to spend time together, rather than sitting on the couch.
DON'T use the term "Let yourself go" or resort to calling her a name or saying anything unkind. Your support at this time could be crucial to her wanting to improve herself and strengthening your relationship.

Answer 10

Does she have any health issues? Like thyroid issues, diabetes? She should get to a doctor for a good full physical. 70 pounds in three years is alot of weight.
For you think of what attracted you to her, just because the outsie of her has changed theinside probably hasn't.
Talk to her about your concerns. she may get mad, cry and get depressed but she'll love you all the more in the end for being concerned about her. Above all listen to her,sometimes it is something that is bothering a women that causes her to "let herself go".

Answer 11

Well how many kids do you have?
They always say you gain weight when your happy and comfortable.
How much weight have you gained?
When I got married I believe our vows were for better or worse. Did you say the same or did you have different vows?
Ill be honest I have gained weight since my last child but my husband still thinks I am the hottest chic around. He loves me for me.