when my boyfriend and i started to hang out alot i knew he watched porn and i was fine with it... but then he started to watch it alot and surf the net for it for no reason... then we started to get into alot of sexual activities and then we had sex and we do it all the time and he still watches porn and looks for it on the net and masterbates to it... ive confronted him and talk to him about it... but he said he wont stop hes lied to me about it and made promises about not watching it that he couldnt keep and its hurting me. should i trust him still? after hes lied to me so many time? now after all that he's decided to get help for it. he told me that he doesnt like the way it makes him feel and tha he wants to be a better boyfriend to me and not lie to me and hurt me... should i trust him on this too? and even if he gets help can i trust him after? he's hurt me pretty bad and i cry all the time about it...should i keep trusting him and helping him through this process?
2006-11-23 19:58:15 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Men's Health
i dont know i already meantioned maybe he should choose between the both of us... but he doesn't want to but he told me he rather have me instead he just rather stop he doesn't want to do it no more it makes him feel sick when he does it and he doesn't want to hurt me no more or doesn't want to lie to me anymore he wants to be honest with me and all... so i guess im going to help him he wants me to help him i juss still feel so uneasy right now about it all... and he's already tried to stop several times and failed so i think that now he wants to get help i support him in definatly! we've decided we dont want to argue about it no more we juss want to move on with our relationship...
2006-11-24 18:10:40 · update #1
Your boyfriend has an addiction; one that is just as strong as an addiction to drugs, smoking, or alcohol. He will have to recognize that what is going on is an addiction and you will have to help him through it. If your boyfriend decides he wants to quit his addiction, there will mostly likely be relapses; you should be prepared for such.
2006-11-23 20:18:25 · answer #1 · answered by bigbobby73 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi luv,
What I see as the main problem is not the porn itself but rather the lying to you.
In my case, my hubby was "addicted" to porn even before we met, and today after so many years together, he's even part of the industry so I can't really talk about that.
But the difference is that he's open and honest about this, and doesn't try to hide or lie to me about his own porn-related habits.
I myself won't try to understand why men in steady relationships with partners who satisfy their sexual needs "need" to watch and consume porn. Porn is a drug, and it is highly addictive. In my case with my hubby, I know that the porn he's "attracted" to (i.e. watches) is mostly stuff we do NOT do in our couple, or at least we don't do often enough according to him.
I know I shouldn't be the one to talk, but basically if you feel threatened by his obsession, you should have him choose between you (the real thing) or the porn (the fake thing). If you don't want to force him choose, then at the very least take the fact that he lies to you into consideration when justifying your relationship.
If he was open and honest about him, it wouldn't be such an issue I would imagine....
2006-11-24 02:32:16 · answer #2 · answered by ButtahChick (ButterChick) 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is addicted and like any addiction he needs treatment. He is probably honest in saying he wants to quit but psychologically it's very hard as it has become a habit. The first step is to talk and make a plan of action. Professional counseling will help. He will also need to get rid of things that temp him to do it, he needs to stay away from the computer/tv etc.. Anything that will trigger the need in his mind needs to be cutoff asap. And also, he will need a person to talk to when he feels the need. You maybe? Help him to overcome this. By winning small battles he will regain his confidence. Avoid sexual activity as he will try to compensate for the lack of by acting out with you. Read books, engage in outdoor activities, go out and have fun. Substitute time at home with things to do so that his mind is busy in a constructive manner.
2006-11-23 20:33:57 · answer #3 · answered by constructor 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, this level of interest in porn is probably NOT linked to sex drive. I know that sounds crazy to some people, but there's research to suppport this. I'm no doctor, but I would suspect your boyfriend has an addiction issue with the porn. So, his problem is one in his personality or possibly his genetics. Remember, this is his problem...not yours. This is like alcholism or drug addiction...he has to choose to do something about it and you can be supportive of that decision. If he chooses to continue to engage in an unhealthy lifestyle (spending all his time and money on porn, strippers, and eventually hookers) then you need to choose to do the healthy thing and move on with your life.
2006-11-23 21:33:07 · answer #4 · answered by taters_0 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him the real sex is going to become less frequent if he doesn't stop watching the porn. Tell him that the real sex is going to stop if he doesn't stop watching porn because you are going to leave him for someone that is satisfied with the real thing and doesn't need porn.
2006-11-23 20:11:13 · answer #5 · answered by Hank Hill 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he has a much higher sexual drive than you do and you should be thankful he is a good boyfriend he keeps it at home instead of cheating on you maybe you should loosen up a little if you don't come to some kind of accommodation you WILL lose him
2006-11-23 20:03:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
seems like he need ur help he has been honest to u about his weak points give him a chance to get out of this problem then decide about ur relationship
2006-11-23 20:35:35 · answer #7 · answered by shabana o 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to try ro fix a man is co-dependant and impossible(he has to want to fix himself)....does he have a thing for seeing naked guys or what? if your cool w/ watching porn, thats another thing...but i don't and any man for me wouldn't(and doesn't) either. if you are not satisfying enough for himsexually(including visually)then why are you w/ him--you deserve a man who makes you happy and vice versa too....
2006-11-23 20:05:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like a sicko
please watch out for yourself
2006-11-23 20:01:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I can only think of the old wise saying: "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me."
2006-11-23 20:33:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋