How do you get out of an unhappy marriage?

Question

I have been married for 15yrs now and have been unhappy for the majority of them....I got married quite young and what I thought was love was evidently not....I have no feelings for my husband and no longer want to be with him....I have asked him for a divorce but he refuses as he says he does not want to become a statistic and join the list of single parent....We have two wonderful kids and if it wasnt for them I would have left him a long time ago....I dont know what to do. I am always miserable and feel my kids never get to see me happy anymore, i feel i am doing them more damage staying in this loveless relationship, but my husband doesnt see it that way....We are always fighting and most of the time the kids witness it, and it breaks my heart....I need some advise on how to handle this. I am going out of my mind, I feel I am dying a slow death, I am stuck in a dark place with no way out.
Should i pay for a mistake I have made at such a young age with my life? Help please

We have tried counseling but that was a waste of time....He doesnt see he is doing anything wrong even after the counselor has told him he needs to change his ways.
He even acused me of manipulating the counselor to take my side..........

Answer 1

Please call your local crisis line you will get better information and help.

You are a grown woman and you need to live your own life and make your own choices....it always brothers me when I hear people say....they won't give me a divorce!

He can not stop you from getting one. The sad part is the children and always is....many troubles ahead but with proper help and assistance you get through it.

You already answered your own question...the kids see the fights the hurt and pain....better off with two happy parents away from each other than one miserable one..and one who pretends all is well...

.Make sure you seek out as much help as possible for yourself...sounds like it will be a ugly divorce as he is unwilling.
a marriage breakup is hard on everyone and you will feel guilty
for breaking up your kids lives for years to come.

Remember it your life and its short so enjoy it...just make sure you do everything possible to ease your children through it.

Good luck................

Answer 2

I feel really sorry for you, but even worse....I can identify. I just finished having a simular conversation with my husband of nine years. We have nothing in common, all we do is fight, and get this....he doesn't seem bothered by it. We are currently in counseling, which I do not believe is really helping, but in some ways, I see a change. We also have two beautiful children, whom do not deserve to see their mother miserable, which has been most of the time. I wish I had been wise enough, at nineteen to see what I was truly getting into. I made a horrible mistake in "settling" for him and what he called/calls love. He has never really been into me, and still today he goes out of his way to make me feel less than him and undeserving of his attentions. I am so miserable and this marriage is just one huge trainwreck! I wish there was an easy answer to your question, or both our problems...but there isn't. I often too wonder am I supposed to continue to pay for this mistake for the rest of my life. We have been through sooo much, and yet none of it has brought us closer together. I just do not know anymore. I want to leave, but then there are the kids to think about....Oh! How they love their father! It would kill them if he was not around, but his presence is sucking the life out of me! So, ultimately, I don't have an answer for you, because I can't even figure out what to do with my own ****** up situation, other than run away. That is how I escape my miserable existence....I check out of it every once and a while and visit some tropical destination, with either friends or family, never with him. I plan on taking another trip in the next two weeks. Maybe you should try some alone time, it typically helps me by allowing me to submerge myself in me and taking in the attention and conversation of strangers, which those are two things that my relationship desperately lack.
I just want peace and some happiness....I realize that nothing happens overnight, but after nine years, I need some relief fast! I feel as if I am drowing!

Answer 3

Cheer up. There's always a solution to any dark situation. You are not paying for any mistakes and you did not make any mistakes. Its just that people do change with times. First and foremost you need to find out the legal cause to get out of this marriage, e.g. file for separation order. This means that after an XX years, divorce comes automatically whether your hubby agrees to it or not! It is definitely painful for kids to grow up in such an environment. Meanwhile, cheer-up, won't you?

Answer 4

This is a very serious matter and all I could say is find out why you're unhappy. Is there something you could fix to make things better or change things around. It's sad that you have to stay and it's only for the kids but if you're not happy and you're husband isn't happy, you're being unfair to your kids. Atleast if you two are apart and happy, they'll be happy to share your happiness too. Atleast you'll get to be with your kids, even if you don't want to be with your husband..It's a big decision, but the way you put it, you don't seem happy at all...find a solution; do it for your kids..

Answer 5

You could try counseling and try new communication skills but it sounds like you have emotionally moved out of the relationship. Most states allow a person to file for divorce based on irreconcilable differences and the divorce is granted with or without joint agreement. If you truly want to be out of this relationship, have reconciled the consequences and feel it is over either leave or become a statistic yourself. Good luck to all of you.

Answer 6

Well since couples counseling did not work, try going alone and getting to the root of your problems. You have to fix yourself before trying to fix others. If you are in that process, nothing is stopping you from getting all of your ducks in a row (financially) find another place to live, take the kids and file for divorce, there are ways around non compliant spouses. Seek legal advice. No need in being miserable.

Answer 7

Never think of seperation when u have kids coz u have no right to give them a single parent life. i can very well understand ur problem as i am in the same position where u r today. few days back my aunt advised me few things to make my life better, i will share it with u though i have not achieved happiness in my married life but atleast i have peace in my mind after following whatever she asked me. 1. stop finding ur happiness in ur husband.
2. find ur happiness in ur kids.
3. be religious, meditate everyday for atleast 15mins gradually u can increase time. leave everything on god coz whatever is happening to us this is fruit of our karmas. just believe in god as he is never wrong.
4. read this book men r from mars women r from venus, this might help in understanding ur relationship.
5. keep ur self busy this way u will have very less time for useless issues.
6. try to take out more time for urself- meet ur family, friends more often.
7. talk to him as least as possible this i am sure going to work coz the more u talk the more troubles u invite, my personal experience. ( this doesnt mean that u have to avoid him, dont make it obvious. be smart enough to handle the situation.)
8. and whenever u r feeling low read some spritual book or watch a idiot box (T.V) this helps to divert ur mind.
9. now i must stop eating ur head.
10. hope u use any of the tips i have shared ( be happy, keep smilling, life is beautifull).

Answer 8

Try counseling. Leaving won't make you happy, another man won't make you happy, only you can make happiness for yourself. If it is an abusive relationship, maybe its not just about happiness...but more than that...safety and sanity. Most importantly, remember that no matter what, your kids need both parents, so if you end the marriage, you do not end the relationship you still have as parents together.

Answer 9

You need to go see a counselor. Any marriage will go through bad times and he doesn't cheat or hit you.
You're just depressed and taking it out on the marriage. He may even be depressed and taking it out on the marriage. You will still not be happy even once divorced. I wish you luck on finding happiness.

Answer 10

HI, the best thing is that you should consult a lawyer first, after all you do deserve some of the wealth, that way you w ill leave with something and not broke.