what if your boyfriend doesn't want kids or to get married but you do?

Question

My boyfriend been married once and has a daughter. I have been married zero times and no kids. But I'm starting to realize I want both but he doesn't. I love him with all my heart and would do anything for him but I wish he would change his mind

Answer 1

Nothing you can do about the other person if their mind is already made up. You have two choices - Break with the person and move on to someone that is more amenable to what you want or stay with the person you're with in the hopes that they'll change their mind (upon seeing how good a potential mother you can be to his daughter) Maybe he had a bad experience with his ex wife so if you show him something new, he'll reconsider.

good luck.

Answer 2

I would consider ending the relationship if he doesn't want the same things that you do then it is better for both parties to split.
I know it sounds insensitive but by staying involved with this person you are keeping yourself from true happiness with a guy who wants all the stuff you want. It is most likely he has been married and burned once and doesn't want that to happen again.
Consider finding a guy who has never been married like yourself
it will be better in the long run and since it would be a first for both of you the wedding day would be more special. Also realize that alot of people including myself think this world is no place start a family look around poverty, death, homeless, starving people, lack of jobs, school shootings, bombings, world war 3 like really once you consider all the cons about this world you may consider not bringing another baby into it? Yeah youmay have a few pros
continuing your name having someone to help with chores when they grow up but also realize the cost of living is just getting greater and with inflation I wouldn't doubt it could cost in upwards
of close to one million dollars to raise a kid put them through school and that is just until they finish college or university a child is a life long commitment not a 18yr joy ride then there gone sorry it don't work like that. Simply that stated your guy is already paying child support and most likely alimony so do see that he has no money or desire to bring another kid into this dying world
he will not change.

Answer 3

He's the smart one. You should learn from others mistakes before making them yourself.
That's my opinion. The answer to your question objectively is: You should find someone who is compatible with you. Hopefully you are not in a long term relationship with this guy. People change in life and have different needs throughout life and you can not keep getting someone new every time you needs change, but in your situation- this is a big need. Give him a chance and tell him how you feel, that you really need this or you must move on. Don't do what most humans do and start argueing about stupid stuff and get angry with him when the root of the problem is that you want to get married and have kids.

Answer 4

IF A MAN WANTS YOU

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change = yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. They don't respect women or children. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Answer 5

If that is what he wants, then you can't change it really. All you can do is go with it and be a good person to his daughter. He's been married, probably got hurt, and he doesn't want to do it again. Time can change, maybe down the road he could change his mind. You can either say bye bye or stick around. Just remember he may not change his mind, but if things are great between you 2, then why lose that? You never know what can happen tomorrow. And besides its 2006, people can have a committment and promises though they aren't married.

Answer 6

The man is being honest, hon. He doesn't want the life goals that you value. Time may change his view, but he's basically telling you no deal. Being divorced with a child is tricky business. it's financail suicide and emotional hell. Can't blame him for thinking marriage is a bad deal.

Thank him for the wonderful relationship he was a part of. Note the good qualities that drew you to him. Be aware of behaviors you don't want in a relationship. and move on. Not everyone we date will be "The One" some are just a stepping stone , one step closer......

Let him go, tell him you wish him happiness, take a breather and let yourself mourn the loss, and then try, try again.....

Answer 7

Well he seems to be a problem child and you seem to want to fix him. But are you up to the task? And even if you fixed him would he be the one for you. You want and he wants does not add up to we want. He is the product of a prior marriage and is divorced. He already has a family even if not with him. So as you have not been married who would you want to marry a divorced person.
Just about all woman want to be married and to have childern. It was Gods design from the beginning. So the real question here is he right for marriage? And the second question is this the one for you? The third question is will it be a marriage that will last? And are you ready for marriage?
I will promise not to beat around the bush. Your boyfriend is not a good canidate for marriage. He has already been married once and that marriage has failed. The reason for that failure I can't expand upon. But it is a large clue for you to keep in your reasoning in this issue. And he has a child. So he is paying child
support and will for some time. Also he will always have a ex-wife or first wife. This will add years up undue stress in your life and also cost finianical and emotionaly.
Is he the one for you? Well you say that you love him and would do anything for him. And I am sure with out current worlds teaching that you most likly have already done that in some reguard. But actually women are bringing onto them selfs great harm by loving a person to much before marriage. God gave us instruction not to have any sex with people before marriage. The reasons for that are many. The main reasons is because it establishes a flesh tie in the spirit. Which will mean that lust will appear as love. And also because he begains to erroad the wisdom of God that he has placed in people. If before marriage a young woman trust her met to the point were she will give him herself and disreguard the instructions of God and heed the mans will over Gods will. Then the problem here is called sin. And the result of sin is death or destructon. That is why so many marriages are failing in this nation right now. So is his influence over you greater then Gods influence. Has he become your GOD.
The husband is the be the head of the spiritual house. But if he has one failed marriage and you are with him right now what kind of leader is this young man. And shall this marriage last.
The greatest question is are you ready for marriage. Can you say till death do us part and mean it. Can you say in sickness and in health. As a mother you are responsible for the raising of the children and also for the spiritual instructon of the children. You will be the cook, the babysitter, the bus driver, the cleaner, the care giver, the wife of the husband and the one that gets overlooked and taken for granted often. Can you take second seat and be happy. Those are a wives duties and actually prividge given by God. Do you respect your husband. God tells woman to respect there husbands. Respect is a hard words for woman. Most woman do not respect there husbands and they find them selfs divorced. Respect and honor are foundations stones of marriage.
Can your boyfriend love and charish you. A husband must be able to diministrate love not just talk about it.
You have said he has told you that he does not desire children he already has one and that he does not want marriage but you desire both.
Being as honest as i can i will tell you that you sound like a well rounded young lady but you also sound like a young lady that needs much education about people. If you and he were to get married it would have a tragic end. Move on. Do not seek a husband. Seek God first and ask him to mold you into the person he wants you to be and ask him to prepare the husband he has chosen for you and to put him in your path and to give you wisdom to know him when he shows up.

Answer 8

Ask recent moms about the hell that they may have had to go through. My girlfriend was married once (young and dumb), and the doctor messed up on the delivery so her stomach is messed up and her child is autistic. I thought I might like kids, and although I may change my mind, it's too early to tell. After seeing the poor statistics on marriage I changed my mind on that too. I may change it back but, I'm not sure. I also dated a woman years ago who was divorced when I DID want to marry her, but I knew I had problems with competition and her accomplishments, so we never got that far. I told her that I wanted to get help for myself or otherwise she might go through the rest of her life saying that she's been married twice. That's not so easy to say compared to saying that you've had two boyfriends.

Did your guy give reasons as to why he doesn't want kids or to get married? Talk to him about it but don't pressure him. As a couple you both have to compromise if you want to sustain a lasting relationship (and a happy one at that).

Answer 9

You can either stay with him and try to change his mind or you can wake up and realize that he means what he says. When someone says they don't want to be married & have any more kids they mean it. Part of being in a relationship is to respect each other.

Answer 10

On the two issues most important to you there is no compromise possible. Unfortunately, there is no way to reconcile the issues mentioned. Love him all you want but the relationship is not and will not satisfy your needs. Part friends and seek out a relationship where you can bond with a person who has the same goals as yourself. Good luck!