Im a 35 year old male who has been married two times previously. The woman I am in love with has had rumors spread about her for years about different 'bad' things. I do not believe these rumors, and have asked her to marry me. She has said 'yes', but my family holds on to the rumors as 100% true. They will not accept her.
Even if the rumors are true, they happened in her past and she has become a different person. What should I do? How can I get my family to accept her for the person she is now.......and not the person she was years ago??
2006-11-23 17:59:18 · 24 answers · asked by Mark C 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Congratulations-
To you both and thank you for being the gentlemen as you seem as you haven't judged her like others have and in the end this will mean so much more to her than those spite-full eyes preying on her every move!
She has been honest to you and as i can only tell you have trusted her and this lady has giving you reason to trust 100%.
Stuff your family and as I will say you are the one who will be living with her and loving her and being there for her as she will hopefully be for you NOT your family.
Be polite but just say family I do love you and i hear what you say but dosent mean i have to respect your spiteful remarks or listen to them or even take them on board as it is in her past and not our future.
I don't agree with your sarcasm towards my future wife and I would appreciate you keep your hurtful remarks to them self's as this marriage is going ahead with or with out your blessing.
After all it isn't your family who is marrying her or having to live with her,it's you!!
If you wish to see the good in this lady and as long as nothing she has done from her past is mixed in your present/current relationship except gossip then i can't see why she can't be giving the benefit of the doubt and be able to have a happy future with a man who believes in her and loves her for her..
My god when can anyone be able to move on from there past if all people can do is hold them back and remind them of it..I wonder why so many people end up lonely or even suicidal..
Kick the past in the butt and look ahead..Thats what count.
Good on you.
2006-11-23 18:13:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes family just can't get used to someone. That is why there alot of marriages where the families ared distant and may only get together on holidays. You have to realize that this is your life and the age you are now you should know that what others think or say should not matter it is what you believe and what your heart and gut tell you. Happiness is what most families want for there loved ones carry on with wedding plans and its a good chance that your family will see how happy this lady makes you and thats whats important. If they do not come around well one day they may see how much of an error they made in judging another person they barely know. I wish you all the best and God Bless with what ever happens and Congratulations remember love is something not to be taken for granted and its appears this is what you share with your fiance good luck may number 3 be your lucky charm!
2006-11-23 19:03:28 · answer #2 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the record, I am a woman who grew up at the same time, and I never dated macho football players. I'm sorry you couldn't find anybody to connect with...high school is a bit like hell, in my opinion. You just have to start opening up to people and start talking to women, without worrying about the sex thing. First thing is to start dating, and you do that by getting to know people, appreciating them, and allowing them to see what is unique and special in you. When you meet the right person, it will happen. As for practice, for some men, no amount of practice is enough, and some are just naturals. One of the best lovers I ever had was a virgin. So, don't worry, just start connecting with people and women, and make some new friends that can blossom into relationships. Good luck!
2016-05-22 21:45:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If u & her both are ready than u should be more confident in ur liking, but perhaps as u said u married two times previously, ur family may be afraid that u may leave this girl also so they may be taking support of her reputation.
anyway that is all of my opinion, but if u love her try to remove the rumors from the mind of ur family behave good with family & if need tell if u will not allow me to marry that woman, i will wait till u say yes.coz i love her truly.
Best of Luck be confident
bye..
2006-11-23 18:08:51 · answer #4 · answered by Jeny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations! The rumors are hard to shake, especially after they get to family members. Take her to events and say nothing but good things about her to others.
Most important:
1. Always stand up for her. If a family member says something about her, always take her side. Always! Even if she is wrong.
talk to her about things in private, not in front of others!
2. Don't bad mouth her!
This should work, eventually hopefully she will become (to what your family sees) the woman that you see and love!
2006-11-23 18:08:19 · answer #5 · answered by xxxcariooo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Blood is thicker than water, remember that. What kind of rumers? Was she messing around on her last boyfriend/husband? Have you 2 been together long? Well if its do to messin around your family has reason to be worried for you. Most (not all) people that mess around once will always do it again. Just becarefull dont get hurt. If she truely loves you your family will come around eventuly. It will take though be patient with them. Take a day and sit down with your family with out her, and talk about there reasoning on there fealings. Then explain to them how you feel.
Maybe even make a wedding date a year down the road dont rush. Make sure this is the one for you.
2006-11-23 18:11:04 · answer #6 · answered by Char 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't change how other people judge others. You are a grown man and are capable of knowing if the person is right for you. And only you know if you are following a similar pattern of remarrying the same type of women.
Think only of peace and love and let go of your worries. Everything will be okay if you look at life from the standpoint of love towards everyone and every situation.
2006-11-23 18:05:32 · answer #7 · answered by tofu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife and I got married a few months ago and we are in the same situation, only it's her family that doesn't like me. My advice to you is as long as you're in love and you know what you're doing is right, no one has any right to tell you who you can and can't be with. You may not ever be able to get them to accept her, and if they don't, then they don't respect you. Give it time and things will work out.
2006-11-23 18:05:46 · answer #8 · answered by c.grinnell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are 35 years old. Stop worrying about what your family thinks.
Maybe they are just concerned because of your bad track record with marriage.
Tell them you love her and go ahead and do what you want. If it fails they can always say I told you so.
People do change. When I was young there were some pretty wild rumors about me. 95% weren't true. I just held my head up and kept on going.
2006-11-23 18:06:48 · answer #9 · answered by CuervoBMed 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow. 35 years old and youre worried about pleasing your family who obviously doesn't give rats @ss how you feel. You either love this woman or you don't. So decide and then act on it. Let your pathetic family stew in their own hateful juices and you and your bride enjoy life together. Just dont expose her to your family, she deserves better than having to deal with that BS.
2006-11-23 18:04:32 · answer #10 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋