I have a friend who just now admited to me that she had a lesbian experience with someone when she was 16, and she swears to me that she was just "experimenting" that she had low self esteem and thought no one would ever want to marry her in the future anyway, so she didnt care until right after she did it. She promises that she is not attracted to girls that way. it has been bothering her for years now and she is about to get married. Her question to me was should she tell her husband to be before she gets married or after she gets married, or should she just keep it a secret like she has been doing?
2006-11-23 17:15:04 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
If she REALLY has no lesbian or Bi tenancies, well I'd keep it in the past where it belongs, unless her hubby to be is the kinky kind that would be turned on to hear it. (She should know by now if he's kinky!). My husband would LOVE for me to tell him something like that, and I don't think he'd mind that I hadn't told him before now, but that's MY husband. It all depends on the personalities that you're dealing with.
2006-11-23 18:14:11 · answer #1 · answered by bougainvillaea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are so many factors here. Without knowing the people involved, it's hard to say.
However, if the secret is bothering her now, she needs to think about how she will feel in the future. After all, she will (we hope) be living with her husband for many years and she will have to keep her secret bottled up all that time. Is she going to be able to set it aside and forget about it, or will it go on festering in her mind?
If she feels she is not going to be able to forget about it, then maybe it's better to tell her husband. And if she is going to tell him, she should certainly do it BEFORE she gets married.
2006-11-23 17:25:54 · answer #2 · answered by Kylie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think if she is not gay.. and only experimented with no plans to re-diverge.. then it's probably best left in the closet..
Society and media place a lot of pressure on people to expose their every hidden story.. we once had an entitlement to total privacy when it came to sexual matters.. now they've got to be discussed..
I would hate knowing my partner had many sexual experiences including lesbian.. I never date women with lengthy historys.. as I think it creates massive over expectations with each sucessive partner.. so by the time it gets to me.. I've got to be some financially secure, tall dark and handsome love god.. who will obey and never complain.. I make sure I avoid them from the start.. but if it was only one time and i found out ten years later.. I would probably not mind at all..
If i found out ten years later it was a whole history .. then i might feel a bit ripped off.. and may be prone to repay the favor..
2006-11-23 17:44:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This has nothing to do with her soon to be husband, and it is no big deal a lot of girls experiment, no one was hurt, and you friend shouldn't feel guilty
2006-11-23 18:38:19 · answer #4 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is this person you? Anyway, her problem is that she's full of guilt over something that has absolutely no revelance to her marriage ok. It's really not even important for her to tell him, just let it go.
2006-11-23 17:21:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are times where one needs to unlearn the lessons of honesty for this types of incidents.
2006-11-24 00:09:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him. You shouldn't go into a marriage with any secrets!
2006-11-23 17:29:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I personally would advise against telling him. It was a long time ago, who cares?
2006-11-23 17:19:15 · answer #8 · answered by Jay Jay 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't tell not all husband can take this. might breakup the marriage
2006-11-23 19:33:17 · answer #9 · answered by Apricot Brandy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She should tell him.
2006-11-23 17:58:06 · answer #10 · answered by S K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋