Are you born with gay tendencies, or is it personal preference?

Question

Please only serious answers. I have always wished I knew someone who was gay, so I could ask them if they were born with gay tendencies, or if they just preferred the same sex at some point in time. This answer is help me form an opinion on whether or not I think gays should be allowed to marry. I have a paper that I am writing, and I'm unsure about my feelings on this subject.

Answer 1

It is sort of complicated... at least; in my opinion it does. For example, when I was younger I knew that I was not like every other male, but now that I am older I know for a fact that I am who I am. A homosexual. When I was younger I dated several female friends whom I still keep in contact with now...

That question "Nature or Nurture?" is hard. I believe that people are born the way that they are born, but grow up to be who they are.

A path was chosen, but from then on we make ourselves out to who we choose to be... I hope my answer helps you on your paper dear... Email me anytime.

Answer 2

You just missed the 20/20 special regarding a set of twin boys who are being raised by the same parents, one is gay and one is not. The gay boy (they are about 9 years old), paints his nails, plays with dolls and all his mannerisms are gay. They discussed that this proves that it IS NOT a societal change, but is actually in-utero. They are studying the genes of each of these boys and the gay child has chromosomal changes from his brother.

Though you did not ask my opinion on whether they should be allowed to marry, I believe if you are from the USA, I believe that our constitution should be invoked to ALLOW everyone to have the same rights - white/black, gay/straight, alien/? (just kidding)
The ONLY reason our courts are trying to stop them from marrying is because of the $$$ it will cost the insurance companies who lobby our Congress to keep this an issue. Do realize how much $$$ is involved in insurance claims for spouses? Billions, and given the fact that gays have a higher rate of HIV than straight couples, the $$$ for medical claims for married gay spouses would be astronomical ....it is ALWAYS about the almighty $$$$ in this country, not the ethical or moral issues they use as an excuse.

Answer 3

I believe that it could be both. I know some people that knew when they were 12 years-old that they were gay...not something a 12 year-old would choose to be. I also went to school with someone that was molested by her father and she decided because of that she wanted to be with other women. It could also be that she would have been a lesbian anyway, but not sure. I read in the newspaper once about some kind of farm animal that was gay. Would have nothing to do with the female animals, but would go after the male animals on the farm. An animal does not have the ability to think about something like this, so they do not choose to be gay.

Answer 4

I've never understood what 'gay tendencies' means. Either you like to screw the same sex, or you don't. How in the world is that a tendency? Anyways, I answered this somewhere else, but here it is again, my stance on things:

I actually don't believe that we are born with a predetermined sexual orientation. There are too many people who find their sexual preferences changing over time for this to be true, in my opinion.

I do believe, however, that you don't per se CHOOSE/LEARN to be gay. You don't wake up one day and say "Geez, I think I'll eschew women and go for men instead." But just because you didn't choose it doesn't mean it's biologically a part of you, you know? It's not something you can change, I feel. Take this example, for instance- you are a cat lover. You just love your pet kitties. Never been a dog person, thanks. You just know for sure that you wouldn't ever want to own a dog. So, someone says- you choose to love cats. Well, no, you reply, not really. I mean, I just like cats. I've always been that way. Does that mean, then, that there is a cat-loving gene in your body? Of course not. It means that this is a preference in your mind, one that you cannot consciously change, but is not innate, either.

I think that human sexuality is immensely more complex than the labels we have today like gay and straight. I also believe that love is gender blind and a straight man can find himself falling in love with another man, still completely attracted to women and utterly not attracted to men, but emotionally and sexually satisfied with that one man he loves. Our sexual desires come from our personalities, our past experiences, our childhoods, socialization, and more. It's a heady, deliciously messy mix of everything, and it gives us all that's wonderful about our sexuality today, so diverse.

That's my stance on things. I know that a lot of gay/bisexual people claim they are born that way, and I understand why they feel that way. For them, the claim feels true. In my opinion, a lot of straight people call it a choice so they don't have to ask hard questions about God (creating that which He supposedly hates?) and their source of intolerance (how can you hate something that someone never chose to be, like skin color, or, in this case, sexual orientation?). Like I said, I think it's neither, but I don't mind people claiming they were born gay. Just as long as they don't say that all gay people were born gay, or all straight people were born straight, etc., etc.- until they have scientific proof to back that up.

Hope that helps you with your paper, and just in my opinion- I wouldn't base the issue of marriage rights off choice of genes- whether you choose or not shouldn't be a determiner of who you can marry!

Answer 5

many gay people know that they are gay from about age 5-6, and some don't realize their sexuality until they are older. I never developed a preference for being straight, I tried being straight, but there was no magic there, no chemistry, not like what I get with a guy My best friend always knew he was attracted to guys, right from when he learned the difference between males and females. my sister always knew she was attracted to girls, and had been playing around with girls (sexually) since she first started having sleep overs (aged about 5 or so) Just because you were a slow developer, there is no need to project your insecurities on others.

Answer 6

I appear to have been born with certain natural tendencies. I was a liar from as early as I can remember. I became quite an accomplished thief by the time I was 10. When I hit puberty, I wanted to have sex with every woman on the planet between the ages of 14 and 40. All the time I had a pretty high opinion of myself. One day I met God - even though I was running in the opposite direction. He has come to teach me what makes for my peace, and when we have a difference of opinion, I have come to find He is always right whether I like it or not. (I Corinthians 6:9-11)

Answer 7

I think the phrase "gay tendencies" is an interesting choice of words. Don't take this too critically, but just something to think about. How likely would you be to use the term "straight tendencies?" Again, just something to think about.

Speaking from my own personal experience, I believe that I was born gay or at the very least with a strong proclivity towards becoming gay. I suspect it is a mixture of both nature and nurture (genetics and environment) but I do not believe it's a "choice" in the more common use of the term in this context. An example I frequently use is to compare it with heterosexuals. They could technically engage in gay sex. However, they would not enjoy it in the same way they enjoy heterosexual sex. Likewise, I could, technically I suppose, have straight sex (though I'm not even sure I could become aroused enough to actually have sex with a woman). But simply put, I am not sexually attracted to women. I'm not sure how old you are and I'm assuming you're straight, but do you ever remember they day you chose to be straight? Of course you don't and the reason you don't is because it's simply who you are. There is a slight difference for Queer people because they generally do not come from gay households with gay parents, so from the start, they are assumed to be straight. It takes personal discovery and a sense of self identity for a gay person to make this realization that they are not like the other members of his/her family. In this process, I believe many people perceive this as "deciding to become gay."

Mind you, this is the simple answer. One that breaks the world up into either gay or straight. What complicates the issue, and perhaps lends the idea of "choice" in this matter is that sexuality is more likely a continuum where people can range from completely homosexual to completely heterosexual but most fall somewhere in between. Kinsey rated sexuality on a 6 point scale (0 completely heterosexual, 6 completely homosexual).

Kinsey's report also found that nearly 46% of the male subjects had "reacted" sexually to persons of both sexes in the course of their adult lives, and 37% had at least one homosexual experience. 11.6% of white males (ages 20-35) were given a rating of 3 (about equal heterosexual and homosexual experience/response) throughout their adult lives. So, for a person who falls somewhere "in the middle," and many people do, there is a sense of choice but this is strongly influenced by societal expectations, norms and pressure probably more so than simply by love or attraction. Perhaps those who fall in the middle deny this same sex attraction to better "fit in." This scenario excludes those who are Kinsey fives and sixes.

There are also those who are gay, but follow the expected plan of marrying someone of the opposite gender and having children. From knowing people who have done this, their lives are full of regret, damaged self esteem and a blurred sense of self identity. Sure, they love their children and would not want to lose them for anything, but also feel there is a huge hole in their lives. They often feel incomplete. Again, this is just my own observation from people I know or have known who came out -- as much to themselves as to anyone else -- much later in life. In one case, a guy I knew had never had a single sexual experience with another man. He was married, had 3 children and not until his wife of 22 years died did he finally explore these repressed desires. If it were all simply a matter of choice, why would someone do this and face humiliation, rejection, identity struggle. There's something more to it than simply wanting to try something different.

There is also a lot of new research looking at homosexual pairing in other species of the animal kingdom. It seems there has been findings throughout scientific history but such findings were ignored or downplayed. There was a recent documentary about this topic but I'm having trouble finding a link. There is an MSNBC story (which I'll list in the sources) which looks at same sex coupling in wild animals. It seems this phenomenon isn't as exclusively human as many fundamentalist Christians would like us to believe.

This is just how I see the issue as a Queer man. I hope this helps.

Answer 8

Homosexuality has been shown to have a biologic basis and not be a choice. Someone can choose to lead a heterosexual life, but that does not make them heterosexual. Societal pressures cause some homosexuals to deny their sexual attraction and attempt to live as a heterosexual, but as societal pressures decrease over time and people feel more open, honest. and accepting about their sexuality some homosexuals 'come out' after living as a heterosexual person for years. There is not a choice of being homosexual, but a choice of trying to change or hide a true sexual orientation.

Answer 9

PBS did a great series called "Brain-Sex"... basically the idea is that the gay brain is created in the womb due to a fuxuation in temperature durring certian developmental phases of the fetus. This causes the little gay baby to be "wired gay" from the getgo... so, we are in fact "born gay"...

Gregory

Answer 10

Studies have shown that people who are homosexual are born as homosexuals.

Homosexuality occurs in nature. Humans are not the only ones who experience it. There have been documented cases of homosexual dogs, cats, monkeys... dolphins... but since humans are considered the highest animal, we assume that everything we do is by choice. Not true.

Homosexuality is NOT a choice. I know many gay people who would love nothing more than to be straight. Hard as they have tried to be straight, they just cannot do it.