My husband and I have financial trouble but we can make it. Its just we have no extra "spending" money. He wants to move back into his parents house and I want to finish up the lease here at our apartment. He said he's leaving no matter what, if I dont go with him then its over. Then if I do go with him I have to "listen to him" and not "argu" with him. Basically I cannot speak my mind. He does not care what I want to do. Should I stay at my apartment or should i go with him and risk my feeling.
2006-11-23 16:29:39 · 31 answers · asked by cutiepie21106 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let him go to his parents, you stay and leave the marriage. He's giving you this ultimatum because he already knows you will choose him. People don't give ultimatums unless they are pretty sure of the outcome.
2006-11-23 16:31:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF A MAN WANTS YOU
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change = yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. They don't respect women or children. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
2006-11-23 18:58:37 · answer #2 · answered by Photographer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's something more going on here than just a simple "stay" or "go" problem. Two things jump out at me -
1) He wants to move back with his parents in spite of a leased appartment, and
2) You say that if you go with him, he demands that you listen to him, not argue with him, and that you won't be able to "speak your mind".
Why does he think that at least part of the solution to your problem is moving back in with mom and dad? If you can "make it" financially, why would he want to break the lease?
What's with the can't-speak-my-mind comment? Is that a problem? Are not listening to his concerns? Are you constantly at odds with him and arguing rather than trying to work together?
For some reason - can't say exactly why - I'm thinking that the problem rests primarily with you. His actions as you describe them do not seem logical. Sorry, you don't come off as being credible. Hard to believe things are as you say that they are.
2006-11-23 16:47:33 · answer #3 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, financial stress is one of the leading causes of marital problems and such. People do not think clearly about what they say to their loved ones, and they also begin to make hasty, irrational actions or comments toward their spouses. It's rough in the world of money, but just remember that he is in a crisis of manhood as well, and nothing should be taken personally in the heat of anger. Work it out, and don't let the dollar signs ruin our life, even if none is around.
2006-11-23 16:34:15 · answer #4 · answered by CJ Major 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should be more intelligent..how can he put your relationship at risk by saying "if you don't come with me I'll leave you...!!" that is bullshit, you don't deserve that. If He truly loved you He would understand you and try to work things out. Stay in your apartment...there is nothing that could not be solved. I would prefer to live with my boyfriend with a limited amount of money than to end my relationship....Think twice before making any decision. Good Luck.
2006-11-23 16:34:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How could you be with someone who doesn't let you speak? If you have a lease and break it, it could mean a problem getting a new apartment, car, and other things. Do you want to risk it? Next- tell Mr. Whatever the facts of life----THIS IS HOW IT IS--AND ARE YOU PREPARED TO F.UP YOUR CREDIT?
2006-11-23 16:49:05 · answer #6 · answered by regwoman123 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well just be like we payed money for the lease so shouldn't we at least finish it out and then u would move in with him and if he still doesn't just move in and his parents should understand and u will get a stand trust me and if u don't just leave him b/c u want to have an agreeable and right marriage
2006-11-23 16:34:06 · answer #7 · answered by iamsoboreditsdepressnig 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay at your apartment. Don't give in to ultimatums. If you do, you give up all your power in this relationship, and he wont respect you like he should. Sounds like he might be looking for a "way out" right now. Let him go live with mom for awhile....my guess is that wont last too long...what guy want his mom telling him what to do...(after all he's back under her roof...with her rules) Good Luck to you hon...this is a hard one...
2006-11-23 16:34:01 · answer #8 · answered by Renee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if he is not prepared to give consideration to what you want & need then there are some serious problems.His expecting you to not have an opinion of your own is treating you as a possession - not an equal partner in a relationship. that sort of behaviour belongs back in the dark ages.
only you can decide what is the best course of action for you- but I would suggest that you see a counsellor to talk things over with & investigate the options available to you. counsellors are there to help you decide the best path for you to take.
2006-11-23 16:38:05 · answer #9 · answered by fairypelican 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are always other options...rent a cheaper apartment....or if this isnt a possibility then obviously he doesnt care enough to try your idea. then he doesnt care enough about you to make the relationship work. they dont work on ultimatums......so stay and do what you want to do....but its gonna be tough. not only financially, but emotionally as well. take care and good luck.
2006-11-23 16:33:55 · answer #10 · answered by sherryw_1978 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋