Why does my husband seem so short with me all the time?

Question

My husband is in the military and stationed in MS, he doesnt call me until 9pm, my time 11 his. When we do talk he doesnt have alot to say other than im so tired, im busy, im tired, blah blah blag
its teh smae thing everynigjt. its like hes not interested in me anymore, i try to tell him but he gets pissed. what should i do, what should i think?
we have 2 kids together and it doesnt seem like he cares to much about them either.

Answer 1

Well you have to think He is far away from his family and he might be getting mad easy because he wants to be with you and it hurts him not to be there... him not being around means he is missing allot of stuff that his family is doing without him and thinking about that might make him upset. Just let him know you all love and miss him as much as you can.

Answer 2

IF A MAN WANTS YOU

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change = yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. They don't respect women or children. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Answer 3

Hey girl been there done that. My hubby military too and he is in Iraq right now. He is under stress and probally in not such a hot mood by the time he gets a chance to talk to you. The only thing you can do is change ur reaction in life. So don't let it get to you and make sure he gets the message over the phone. Next time he calls maybe u might miss the call! Kill him with kindness! Cause these military guys sometimes can be a real pain when they have stress from high up. You know the rumor mill and sometimes they don't get much sleep. Just give yourself a pat on the back girl because its not you!!! Remember that okay its not you. He is just in a bad mood. He does love you and your cute kids. Sometimes we hurt the ones we love the most u know why??? Because he know you are not going anywhere. Try to not let it get to you. Thats all you can do. Trust me i went throught this with hubby for about a year! It was so hard and when he was training same thing! My goodness always negative. The other day from Iraq he asked me if i moved out all his clothes from his closet!!!! I said What!!! Of course not..why would i do that??? I think sometimes in the military are men are not thinking straight!!! Please don't take offense! Smile and i am sending a hug to you!!! It will be okay!!!

Answer 4

Depends on both the topics discussed and the mood you both are in. I am certain you both are tired and stressed. If he is calling same time everyday, same conversation perhaps you need to change things up a bit. Maybe make the conversation more intimate or perhaps try a little phone sex to let him know just how much you miss him rather than complain about what he does not do and or mundane, everyday things. You can save those things for letters and give him the oppportunity to really hear you with a clear mind rather than in the middle of the night after he has a long day. Also when expressing your thoughts. Phrase your complaints in the form an I message rather than an accusatory You message. ex) I need to feel important to you vs. you make me feel unimportant to you.

The phone calls should be special. He obviously has some interest if he is calling at all whether he is your husband or not so stop worrying about his disinterest. He will only becoming frustrated with questioning and complaining.

Answer 5

Renee, so what is wrong with you calling him for a change. When two people are apart, two things can happen; either the heart grows fonder or you grow apart. I don't care if he gets pissed off or not, he is away from home and shouldn't be treating you and his kids this way. If he really missed you then he would be letting you know one way or another and the kids,,he would be talking to them and reassuring them that Daddy still loves them. So whatever is going on you need to get it out in the open and address it. Ok, my question to you is this unless he is stationed in a combat area why are you not living with him in base housing? or a house/apt off base..that is why he is getting paid bq and getting paid for dependents..is this a permanent duty station where he is at? or is he TDY? You didn't say. Because if he is TDY you can still live off base. And if you own your home rent it out and move to where he is at. And if your worried about your kids changing schools they adjust. That is just the life of a military brat. My oldest son was in 4 different high schools. And he is doing great. So don't worry, you have a base chaplain that you can go to and speak with. You also have the family advocate on base that can also help if things are getting rough. Whatever the problem is you can take care of it. Your not alone there many groups on bases across the country that are made up of wives with their husbands in the military here and abroad. Maybe if you joined one the experiences of other women could help you adjust to him being gone. Otherwise, you should really stress to him that you need to talk to him. Let him know that you need reassurance that everything is ok. Being a military wife is one of the hardest jobs in the service, besides the soldier's. So talk it out with him and if his behavior continues then you need to seriously seek counseling. The military is behind the family as a whole completely. They have resources and you need to use them. Your not alone. Stay strong.

Answer 6

He calls you at the end of the day after working. Yes his is tired. He is in the military he needs to get up early. Calling you are 11:00 PM is stupid. He is exhausted and doesn't want to think about anything except sleeping.

You can try to call each other earlier. Talk about your day and his. Let the kids say hi. Say I love you and talk to you tomorrow. Keep the calls as short as he wants. 5 minutes talk time. The calling time will increase as after he gets some rest.

Stop thinking so much. Start loving and understanding that he might be depressed and tired because he is not home.

Answer 7

I think you need to understand his situation. He is stationed far from his family and am sure he misses you. Beside he is all alone out there and you have the kids to keep company. He might be frustrated that he is not performing his duties as a husband and father. Try to get the situation from his side and when you talk on the phone do not pressure him very much. Marriage is not a bed of roses.

Answer 8

For one he's probably seen alot of nasty things he does'n't want to bring up to you so you won't be upset and worryed for his saftey the line of work he is in isn't something easy to just talk over the phone about yeah honey today i lost one of my best buddies in line of fire and another guy leg was blown off he's probably also under a lot of stress he's missing his wife and kids and im sure he'd rather be back home with you.

Also the time when he calls he probably can only get to the phone at a certain time and keep in mind how many other military man are all trying to call there loved ones and its not easy access for him to just pick up the phone like he would at home. So please try to understand how he must be feeling he's away far from home missing his wife and kids his comfort of his home he's out amongst danger and in a place that isn't comfortable he's always watching over his back up early etc...

So you have it easier at home. I'd be more worried for him for the line of work he's doing and be grateful each day when i hear his sweet voice on the other line knowing he's okay for another day.

If he didnt care he wouldn't call you and belive me the lineups for the phone must be crazy yet he waits in line like everyone else does his time so he can get to call you.

I think thats pretty nice. I hoipe he comes home in one piece soon for you. and your kids.

Answer 9

Try to talk to him about it again. And if he gets mad and doesn't want to talk about it, find a different way to bring up the subject but it's def. something that needs to be talked about because if he doesn't care, he should at least let you know, so that you will be prepared to know what you're going to do with the kids. At least he better know that he will need to pay child support

Answer 10

I would just be less available. Let him have his space....a little taste of his own medicine. Give him a chance to miss you. And if he doesn't, then let him know you're not happy and some things need to change.