Love, sex, marriage, confusion ???

Question

Here is my situation. I'm a 27 year old male. I've been married for two and a half years; together with her for six years. The problem is we have never had sex as long as we've been together. We've fooled around until she gets off but does nothing to reciprocate. She claims she is "scared" of sex but will not see a psychologist. While I love her very much and otherwise our relationship is fine, I find myself discontent enough to the point where I have met people online for sex. Obviously I am not happy in a sexless marriage because I wouldn't be doing that if I were. We never agreed to this before getting married and anytime I bring the topic up she starts a fight and I end up having to apologize. She knows nothing of my affairs and thinks everything is just fine between us. I am unhappy but have a hard time justifying leaving her just over sex. Does anybody have advice? I very badly want to leave and end this while I'm still young, but don't want to hurt her. What can I do?

Answer 1

i can see where you would want sex but you married her for love rite? well maybe there is a reason she doesnt want to maybe she was raped or abused. why didnt she tell you this before you got married you ask? maybe she blocked it out until something triggered the memory could have been a smell or a certain touch or something you said ect. this sounds crazy but as a child i was molested and i hid the memory and the smell of green onions and tobaco together brought that memory back.... i am past all of the now so if thats it you do have a chance... as of now i am also in a sexless marriage not by my choice but because myhusband has problems getting it to work... but i cant see leaving him just because we can have sex anymore its only a very small part of our marriage... my best advice to you is this.. sit her down say look honney we need to talk and i want you to hear me through please dont interupt until i am through.. then tell her that this is the WAY YOU FEEL( that way its not accusing) i feel like there is something wrong with our marriage something missing.. if there is a reason why you dont want to have sex with me please tell me so we can work this out... i have lived like this for 2 yrs and i really need to know what i can do to fix this.... i love you and will help anyway i can but i cant help if you dont tell me what you need... then be somewhat honnest and say you know i have thought about going elsewhere but i am married to you and i really want to make this work.....
i know alot of people wont agree with me on this part but dont tell her about the affairs but dont have anymore either until your through with your marriage... the only thing telling her will do is hurt her and if she is already damaged by something in her past that may destroy her.... i wish you luck and i hope that some or part of what i have said helped ...

Answer 2

You know what? It took me 6 months to have sex with my husband, in fact, I had 2 big problems. 1st: I was molested when I was in kindergarten so I remember the pain still. 2end. My Hymm, I think that how u say it, was really thick. Which is regular for women. So, I went to an women doctor and told her my problems, she did some "open leg" tests and told me my second problem I was not aware of. I scheduled an appt. to have my hymm broken by a lazer gun. That helped me alot becuase if my husband would have done it, it would have hurt real bad. My husband was really a big help. I wanted to please him and felt sooo bad that I couldnt. I felt like I was not women enough for him and that he deserved better, but I think that becuase he was also a virgen,.... he didnt know what he was missing out on, u know? You probably allready well aware of it but talk to her and see if she is willing to go an extra mile for you. But she might not be able to forgive you for what you did or she might understand but she might feel horrible about not pleasing you and your news will top it off. Be gentle.

Answer 3

Sex is a big part of marriage. Its good that the 2 of u have other things in your relationship, but I don think that your being unreasonable @ all. I think its time 4 an ultimatum. either she gets help and starts 2 attempt 2 overcome her issuse, or its time 4 u 2 go. Good luck e-mail me and lemme know if how things turn out.

Answer 4

I’m going with the general on this one!

Unless she agrees to get some help sex is an important part of marriage and you are totally unhappy

Answer 5

well, whatever you do she's gonna get hurt. sounds like she needs a counselor in a biiig way. maybe she was molested as a child and is afraid to tell you about it. if she refuses to see a counselor then it's time for you to leave. sex is not the most important thing in a marriage, but for you to not have it at all is not right either.

p.s. if you've never had sex you could probably get the marriage annulled

Answer 6

that's unheard of...you should just tell her that your not happy at all and have been thinking about having an affair for the sex , but afraid it might lead to something else but you feel that you should talk to her about it,because you feel you can't go on like this and something has to happen or it may cause me too move on....and then she may reallies that she better do something ,like NOW before she looses you...good luck

Answer 7

My husband is abusive, angry, hateful and nasty and says he loves me. Women need to think about if a man if kind or not that really is the important thing.

Answer 8

(((hugs))) She is being very selfish. She needs to be told in no uncertain terms either she gets help or you're leaving. I find this very cruel on her part. Good luck and I truly hope it works out for you guys :-)

Answer 9

so your cheating on her already . you already may your decision to leave when you cheated on her. you seem to blame your wife. the reason for no sex, your getting from somewhere else.

see you in hell.

Answer 10

if you don't have kids yet, then you may have a chance to think of divorce. but give her another chance, maybe she has a psychological problem.