i need advice about my family!!!?

Question

i am a 30 year old woman. i have two older sisters that have always been emotionally abusive, weird psychologically stuff i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. i always dread the holidays because of the stuff that happens and the words spoken to me.

i don't want this in my life anymore and have been trying to get away from it for two years now. i don't see them anymore.

the problem is that my mom does not understand. i love her dearly but she lacks the ability to empathize. she doesn't care that they are awful and nasty. she keeps nagging/begging me to forgive them and reconcile and she keeps going on and on and on. when she finally seems to get it, the next phone call we are back to square one.

what do i do? my mom does so much for me, but i can't take it. she doesn't get it.

if someone was sexually abused by a man that was in the family, no one would force her to reconcile with him, how is mental abuse any different? i've forgiven, but i don't want to be hurt anymore

Answer 1

I've had pretty much the same problem so I decided to see a counselor, been going for the last few months. I'll tell you like he told me, cut all of them off. You don't have to subject yourself to that kind of abuse from anyone and if your Mom doesn't understand when she brings it up just say "I love you but I have to go now". And let that be the end of it. I haven't seen any of my family since Aug. and I've never felt better. And every time my Mom tries to interfere I just tell her I'll call her later and wait a few days and try again. She'll get the hint. My Mom didn't say a word about me not going to the family gathering for Thanksgiving today and I doubt she'll ask if I'm coming for Christmas because she already knows the answer.

Answer 2

No mental abuse isn't any different.... but you are wrong about the other.... a relatives hubby always hit on me sense I was thirteen... they still make excuses about it... not only that, they try to manipulate it as if I was partially at fault for it.. (it was the way I carried myself, or what I would wear... which was never really that bad, and I can't change the way I walk or anything) But anyway... I turned him in for something he did to another person (under-aged) and family has the nerve to say I am ruining that relatives family. I just keep my family away from that part of the family, but the relatives I still talk to try to insult and threaten me into being around the others... at least your mom is going about it the nicer way, instead of a bunch of gossiping, and manipulating... I definitely sympathize with you... let me know if you find a solution! Good luck

Answer 3

I'm sorry that you're having a rough time. I think it is best to tell your mother that your relationship with your sisters is between you and them. Tell her that you value her, but you do not wish to talk about this with her anymore. Just keep changing the subject and refuse to get engaged in a discussion about it with her. If that doesn't work, you may have to set some firm boundaries with her by saying that you will end conversations or visits with her when this comes up, but I can understand if you don't want to do it. It is hard to get someone to stop mentioning something. I hope this works and I wish you all the best.

Answer 4

guess its going be difficult and maybe impossible for your mom to ever understand what you are going through. The thing is you are caught between a rock and a hard place and you seem to cant find that escape route. First, you need to confront your fears. You not speaking to them show them that you fear them and they will forever feel that they have the upper hand on you. Confronting your fears simply mean confronting them and let them understand where you stand as a person with feelings. Do this in front of your mom. Next, you need to not let them get under your skin. It takes two to tango and if they see that they are getting under your skin, they will most definitely continue. Finally, just try to always keep your calm and let your mom know you are doing this just to keep her happy. You wont have your mom around for much longer so you need to cherish the time you have to spend with her and show her you appreciate all she has done for you.

Answer 5

When talking to your mom, I would turn it completely back on my sisters. Let your poor mom think you have forgiven, and you have no problems. If she's wanting you to contact them, tell her they can contact you anytime they want. If they do, tell them-"I told mom that only to stop her hurt, now lose the number!" I would just try and make your mom's life as pleasant as possible. All mother's want their kids lives to be OK, especially with their other siblings, it makes the parent feel like they haven't failed.. I hope you sort of have the main idea here!! Good luck!!

Answer 6

just tell her that you do forgive them but you don't want to put yourself in the position for them to keep using you like a doormat and the only way to do that is not to be around them. I'm sure your Mom loves all of you but she needs to see that you aren't like them and take pleasure in making people miserable and you aren't going to let them treat you like this anymore. Let her have her time with them and a different time with you during the holidays. If she still doesn't get it, I guess the only thing to do is to say you're sorry, but that's just the way it has to be and you hope she understands and stick to your guns.

Answer 7

I have such with my little sister.
When mom was alive, she tired the same thing. All ways trying to keep the peace between us.
Now mom is gone and so my sister have no one to push the issuse with.
Facts are, life is to short to carry grudges. So, for your moms sake, put on your game face for her when you are around her and your sisters. You won't have your mom forever. Mine died when she was 56.
Other wise, leave them alone and you will stay happier knowing you did it for your mom, the one you love and not for those nasty peices of work.

Answer 8

My brother and I fought every time we got together. He is four years older than me and the first time it came to a fist fight was on his boot camp leave.
I was a freshman in high school lifted weights 2 hours a day and didn't like to be pushed.
He came home on boot camp leave and him and two of his friends were in the front yard having a beer when I came out headed to town.
He called me over and acting like a big shot said, "I ought to kick your a** for you little brother".
I said "yea, I am really worried about that."
He slapped me in the face and called me a punk, just as our Dad drove into the drive way.
I pushed away from him and told him if he slapped me again I'd knock him on his a**.
Dad got out of his car and ask my brother if he had forgotten what had happened the last time he hit me?
I had blacked his eye and knocked out one of his teeth.
Well to make a long story short. I beat the hell out of my older brother right in front of his friends.
We had another fight a year later when he was home on leave.
I didn't speak to or go around my older brother for 13 years after that.
My Mother constantly ask me to patch it up with him. All I would tell her is, it will work itself out in time Mom.
My father passed in 94 all us boys were at home for the funeral.
As I pulled up to the house, my Mother came out and told me my brother was there and ask me to please not fight with him.
Well those thirteen years did wonders. We were both older and wiser. My brother had changed his braggadocia ways and he and I talk like the long lost brothers we were.
I hope something like this happens for you. Cause both Mom and Dad are gone now but so is my older brother and I miss not being able to talk to him.
Good luck.