recently seperated from hubby after 24 yrs of marriage seems he fell in love with some 21 yr old chick he is 42 which makes me sick........he acts like i dont exsist even though we have 4 children together he passes along things to say to me thru my children which is so childish .....i have no idea why he acts this way.......he cheated on me he left.........why is he so angry with me?
2006-11-23 14:48:53 · 23 answers · asked by kelly h 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You know, he could be jealous of you in some sort of way. For him to be so hateful towards you without a reason. If that is not the case, he may just not really like himself. My mother used to always say: cheaters never win, they always get it in the end.
He better look out because history repeats itself and its a shame as old as he is, he hasn't learned this.
2006-11-23 14:52:15 · answer #1 · answered by volkgal 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
IF A MAN WANTS YOU
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. They don't respect women or children. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
2006-11-23 15:43:33 · answer #2 · answered by Photographer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best advice l can give you is don't blame yourself. I know it is tough as l went through exactly the same thing with my husband. Although she was only 4 years younger than him. We have sorted out our problems now though and we are very happy but l will just fill you in on some of the details and maybe they will help you to understand a little better. I certainly would not call it love it is more lust than anything else.My husband also acted as if he didn't care, just their way of dealing with their guilt. However he never put the children in the middle, that is just so unfair on them. My husband actually worked with this thing l call her , many years before anyway cut a long story short, she made the first move, his excuse was we had not been getting on real well and he didn't know how l felt about him anymore ( no excuse l know) but that was how he felt. For a few reasons which l don't want to get into he felt sorry for her and she made it very clear that she wanted him. We did separate briefly and he moved in with her, but in all honesty l believe him when he says she did not make him happy at all. He was just feeling rejected and unloved.That is why l stress so much to everyone that they must communicate with their partners. We cannot read each others minds so we must talk. Thank god we finally got it all sorted out by talking and believe me l now know more than ever how much he loves me and l also know that l definately love him . Your husband is not really angry with you, he is angry at himself for acting the way he has and being so weak. Yes you are right he cheated and he has to live with that for the rest of his life, that should be punishment enough when he has to look into his childrens eyes and see the pain he has caused. There is probably still hope for your marriage if you want to try with him again. I am sure he will not be happy with a woman who has broken up his family. If it is what you want, try talking to him. If you can't learn to forgive well then there is no point. You may as well just move on. The choice is yours !! Good luck
2006-11-23 15:36:37 · answer #3 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He passes along things through the children because he cannot face you. He still has strong feelings of some kind if he can't face you. Its childish; however, the heart won't let us do things the right way all the time. These strong and awkward feelings and passing messages thru the children will eventually pass. It will take some time. Time will heal this part. I cannot ansewer your question about why he is so angry with you because i have no idea what went on, you need more details there.
2006-11-23 15:09:13 · answer #4 · answered by Jeff W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is his guilt eating at him.
He know he cheated on you and left you and he feels guilty.
So he has to make you the villain, to justify his guilt in his own mind.
Then again if any of those 4 kids are still at home. He might be thinking about all the child support he is going to have to pay.
Remember when you get an attorney to handle your divorce and definitely get one. Tell him you want at least $1000.00 a month alimony.
If you get it, you will put a crimp in his style that he can't get away from. And 42 year old men with little or no money, aren't to attractive to 21 year old chicks.
I am a man Hun, STICK it to him. Make him support you, you deserve it after 24 years and 4 children.
Honestly, you are probably better off. GET ALIMONY.
2006-11-23 15:04:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not angry. More than likely he is ashamed. Men go through their version of menopause too. He probably doesn't want to talk to you directly, because he knows you have a lot of unanswered questions and the answers he has are either non-existent or just stupid (okay, I lost some objectivity there).
If you Stop trying to talk to him, he will eventually try talking to you. In the mean time, he is probably picking the kids for info about you and if you are talking about him or seeing anyone.
Don't be concerned with him (yes, I'm aware that that is easier said than done), if he stays gone, you'll HAVE to get over him...if he decides he wants to come back, then you have a whole other set of questions and dilemmas to deal with.
Either way, it's his drama...don't be pulled in. Good luck to you and may Peace and Tranquility be yours!
2006-11-23 15:14:27 · answer #6 · answered by preciouskitty770 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a very difficult thing for a man to walk away from his home and children, despite what people say. He knows he is doing wrong and has to have someone (you) to lay all that guilt on he feels.
Many men go through that 40 year old crisis. But a sports car, flashy clothes and want to "hang out" They realize they no longer have the power they had in their youth and feel age creeping up on them. They think hooking up with someone half their age makes them feel younger but eventually they realize it makes them older.
By then, it's usually too late. If it were me, I would seek out some family counseling as soon as possible.
2006-11-23 14:57:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he may have expected you to win him back, but when u didnt he may have been angry at you....Not that i expect you to now, cos fidality in a relationship is very impt. But maybe he was waiting for you to come and beg him to stay. He has to realise that he has left a woman who bore him 4 children, not everywoman with. In my eyes and the rest , you are a really great person. So what if he is angry, he has lost so many things, including your trust and your children's love.
2006-11-23 15:00:07 · answer #8 · answered by Maheswari M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Imagine yourself moving on and becoming the kind of person that YOU want to be. Yes, your husband is a jerk, and yes he is going to continue to try and hurt you because of guilt. It's unfortunate that so much of their thought-process comes from inside their pants. However, you have to maintain your sanity for not only your children, but also yourself. You're worthy of more than what he does to you. Good luck, I hope things go well for you.
2006-11-23 14:55:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like an immature 42 yr old to me.
2006-11-23 14:52:59 · answer #10 · answered by Danielle (: 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋