We love each other I believe her when she tells me this. I understand the desire slows over time but we are at never.I do things like never forgeting birthdays, buying unepected gifts unexpectly, go out on dates, I have never cheated, I do not let my eyes wander, I do not drink, I do not gamble, I help out around the house, we have very few arguments and as soon as she calms down I appoligize and do not try to place blame If I walk in the the bathroom, it's very large, and if she is in the shower she says I can in just to see her naked.When I bring up the no sex issue she says is that all I ever think of and then does not want to talk about it.Before we were maried I had had 4 to 6 other lovers and stated I was very good.If there were a medical reason why she could not have sex I would noy be happy about it, but I could understand.This I cannot understand and with her not willing to see a Dr. I am 55 we have 2 kids and I do not think I can spend the the rest of my life with no sex
2006-11-23 11:28:08 · 15 answers · asked by bruce j 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
talk to your wife about spicing up your love life.
you never know, she might be just as lonely as you are, but before that maybe you should try to find out and understand why she's so against sex.
good luck!!
2006-11-23 11:31:34 · answer #1 · answered by layla 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I don't have an answer for you, but I too am in the same situation, 11 years together, absolutely no kissing, foreplay, hugging, we have sex about 4-6 times a year in the past 2 years.
I always had a strong sex drive, and I was a good looking woman, but I have stopped taking care of myself because at least now I can say thats why he doesn't want me. I too am faithful, but so frustrated and feeling totally unwanted. I am 99% certain that he is not seeing anyone else either. I am 56 he is 46 we have no children. He says it's not me it's him I don't buy that. As for seeing a Dr. he doesn't think we have a problem. I need some answers too. He always watches naked women on tv and this makes me even more insecure. What did we do wrong.
by the way don't let anyone tell you it's because of menopause. besides she should be past that by now. did the sex stop slowly, or abrutley. there is a reason it stopped. your wife is the only one who knows what it is. perhaps if she won't talk to you about it you could write her a letter explaining your needs to her, don't mention your previous lovers either, that's a sure way to turn her off. sometimes women feel like they have no control over their lives, sex however is the one thing she can control.
can you give a few more details? how old are your kids. how old is your wife. does she work?
2006-11-23 11:48:05 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I think you've been patient long enough. If ya'll still communicate and talk alot , hey thats awesome, you score high on that one. Do you make sure she has an orgasim? If not, read up on the female body before its to late. Women likes lots of foreplay and it ignites her sexual animal in her. Tell her how pretty she is and telling her you love her makes most womens hearts melt. One single carnation or rose with a big hug . Give her a gift certificate to go have her toenails done or a massage
also. Maybe she doesn't feel very sexy or womanly. Sex is SEX; making love with a soft candle lit in the room so you can look in her eyes can mean soooo much. I hope her eyes are not on someone else. If her hormones aren't messed up and she gets moist down there, then do all you can before some other man comes along OR another woman. My boyfriend left his EX-wife whom he was married to for 38 years to be with me. He's 57 and I'm 52. They hadn't made love in several years when we met for the first time as friends and now we've been together for over 2 years and love each other very much plus we both are sexually compatiable.He's NEVER had been unfaithful to her until I came along but things happen and your both mean't to be happy so if you can fix it , try like the dickens but if its broken , move on . Too many people out there thinking like you and hey things have a way of working out. Sure she's NOT seeing someone else.? My bf's wife was til she got caught...Then she didn't want him to have anyone else but the love was already DEAD by then. Goodluck and God Bless !
2006-11-23 13:13:55 · answer #3 · answered by CryBaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a few things you need to ask yourself before you decide: 1. Do you love this man you met on the internet? How much do you know about him? 2. Will you be able to bear your children's broken hearts(Once you separate)?? Believe me its really hard for children to cope up with their parents divorce no matter how old they are. I am 24 and I cant still digest the fact that my parents have separated. It saddens me. 3. Will you be able to live without your husband after living with him for 20 years? 4. How would you feel if your husband did the same. Maybe be your husband is going through a stressful time just like you. Men are a little different from woman. You should give him a break and not stress him out more. What you two need is a holiday... away from your hectic lives. Trust me... it helps! maybe if you could decide on a place that the both of you would like to go to?? Be there for your husband... show him that you love him. Hope this helps :) Take care!
2016-05-23 01:28:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like change of life OR she can be bored, depressed or unhappy with how she looks. When was the last time you two had a "date". You both need to sit down and talk. They have medicines now for women with low libido's just like for men. The question is.....is there any chance she is cheating on you? To have a man like you is every woman's dream. I commend you on being the man you are. Talk to her. See if there is any hope for romance. See if she will go to the doctor. If the marriage is strong and she wants to keep you (without roving eyes, hands, etc) she should be willing to go to her doctor. If not, something else is amiss...especially if she gets that angry. Good luck
2006-11-23 11:45:01 · answer #5 · answered by ladygwen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Recently I came across a person with the same problem and it turned out that there was childhood trauma behind it.
Even tho the woman said she had never been raped, molested or abused, it finally came out that her father had raped her mother in front of her. Because of this she had deep issues regarding sex.
Try to get her to go to a counselor, also you need to help her understand the importance of Honesty, and sharing all of her true thoughts and feelings with you.
It may not be such an issue, another reason this could become an issue is if she has unresolved resentments about issues in your marriage.
Please save your marriage by reading the following site, and contact a good counselor.
2006-11-23 11:39:49 · answer #6 · answered by Myrmaad 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard one. hmmmm.....I kinda am in the same situation but....I'm the one who don't want to. I could prob go forever w/out it. I love my husband of 16 yrs but it's just something I could do w/out. It's not him, (he knows what he's doing) I just have no interest. I do have some childhood issues that I do know does still affect me 2day. ru sure ur wife is still attracted to u? I think some of my reason is I hate myself I think I'm disgusting and wonder if he just wants to becuz he has needs and don't have a choice (other than cheating) I don't know. But, if he came to me and said, We need to talk to some1 about this, I cannot live the rest of our marriage this way then I would go. But if u talk to her and explain that and she say's no, then I would say I'm sorry then I have to leave. I do my "wifely duties" when I HAVE to though. When I say the same thing to him that it's all he thinks about he say's if u did once in a while I wouldn't think about it so much. If u tell her how important it is to u and she still refuses, tell her it's over. Good Luck! her cheating would be a good reason for her actions 2.
2006-11-23 12:07:56 · answer #7 · answered by same girl/new name :) 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she loves you, she should at least be willing to talk about it. I'm sorry it has gotten so bad for you on this. I know from my own experience that stress and other problems can effect that part of life, but to never have sex and then get angry at you for almost nothing isn't right. Therapy would be a good place to go also, but she needs to be willing unless there is something else she isn't telling you. Good Luck.
2006-11-23 11:32:41 · answer #8 · answered by KC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
perhaps she is starting or in the midst of menopause...In which case she may have just lost her sex drive...It does happen to women at that time...hormone levels drop and secretions slow....however, you may be able to help her move beyond this and get back to some level of regular sexual activity...If she is not willing to discuss it with you or go to a doctor to see if that is the problem then maybe you could convince her to go to counseling....you sound like a good man and the fact that you've been together for 20 years says that overall you have been good together...be patient and try to help her...things will work out....good luck
2006-11-23 11:44:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a good man. It could be hormonal with your wife given your age, and I assume she is close to your age. But a doctor can't fix it if she refuses to go. Maybe she would agree to counseling.
2006-11-23 11:35:39 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋