Am I asking too much?

Question

alright I just need a positive supportive answer not hmm this that I am 14 I am keeping my baby my family and I strongly do not believe in abortions and adoption I have considered but my family insists it has to stay in the family I had to move to Arizona to have the baby b/c my mom is the only person who can handle this money, just the whole overall situation of having a baby. The boy 16 is in Idaho I only ask of him half of his pay check, to call everynight, to be here may 9th for the birth of our baby, and the summer to spend time with the new born his first child. Is this asking too much phone call everynight or everyother night so we stay in touch for the baby and the whole situation I believe what I ask of him only makes this extremely difficult situation more manageable, even a bit less stressful, do I not diserve this from him am I asking too much?

Answer 1

There's nothing wrong with what you're asking, but at the same time, this is the first step in what will be a lifetime of compromises with this boy. You tell him what you'd like him to do, and if he's not willing, then ask him to supply an alternative (calling once a week, e-mailing every couple of days, giving you a set amount of money, rather than half...). If his idea works for you, then go with it. If not, then try to find a happy medium between what you want and what he wants. This is a 2-person situation, and as much as it feels like you should be, running the whole show is only going to make him feel unimportant and resent you.

If it were me, I wouldn't want a call every day - I don't see the point in it, I probably wouldn't have anything to say on a daily basis. Maybe a couple times a week, and after doctor's appointments or big milestones (baby kicking, ultrasound, etc). Money wise, I think you should see a lawyer or advocate, since even though you're getting along now, it might not always be that way. It's better to have a legal "contract" with your baby's Dad, so that if things aren't always good between you, you won't have to deal with the stresses of legalities on top of the fighting. It might also make getting federal funding (welfare, day care subsidies, health care grants) easier if you can prove that your child's father is taking as much responsibility as possible.

As for the other commenters saying that the father is too young - so is the mother. They BOTH made this baby, and they BOTH have to live up to the responsibility they've created.

Answer 2

Well yes you are asking a bit much in the calling EVERY NIGHT thing but not in the child support. It was a two way street the night you guys got together. Yes i know it is going to be hard being a single mom but you cannot force this boy into staying in contact all the time if he doesnt want to. The best you can expect from this situation is money from him.
And who is to say the baby wants to know him? You might meet somebody down the road who would love nothing better than to be there for that child (i did!!!). Keep your options open and be there for that baby cuz lord knows that kid will need you more than the boy that assisted in getting you pregnant.
Now if he wants to be involved LET HIM!!! Dont turn him away because YOU cant get along with him. There arent enough guys out there taking care of their children!! Good Luck!

Answer 3

Calling every night is too much. You're setting yourself up for stress on that. The baby doesn't need the father to call every night.

The money is what will help the child most at this point. You should have a support order issued so that he won't just "flake" on his support.

The best thing you can do for your baby is finish your education, get a GOOD job, and DON'T get pregnant again until you're married. Abstinence works and so does BIRTH CONTROL measures- use one or the other, sweetie. Learn from this and be a success- your baby deserves it. I wish you luck.

Answer 4

Unfortunately there are men in their mid 30's not prepared for a child, much less one that is 16. The fact that you chose to keep the child, well, it is a decision that you made and that you will live by, and you will have a beautiful child as your reward. But know that the father of the child may or may not choose to be part of your life (or the child's life even) You can ask for all that you want, but never ask a question that you are not fully prepared to recieve an honest answer. The answer might be "No." And you and your child will have to live with that. It hurts. But in general, women have survived against much greater obstacles. Good Luck!

Answer 5

I think you are asking a bit too much of him.

I think half of his pay check is fair enough considering it is his baby and he can't expect you to pay for absolutely everything. Calling every night is asking way too much. Maybe ask him to call every month or something? Have you asked him if he even wants to be apart of his babies life? Maybe he has no interest in the baby and wants you to take full responsibility of it. If he doesn't want to be apart of the babies life and doesn't want anything to do with you or the child, asking him to be there for the birth isn't a good idea.
Again, if he doesn't want to be apart of your child's life; he won't want to come down for the summer to play with the child or anything. If he does want to be in your child's life, asking him to at least be there for the BIRTH is not asking a lot (unless he can't afford to come to Arizona).

He is only 16. He won't want the responsibility of a child!! He will probably want to be able to go out and have fun and do what any other normal 16 year old boy does. Being a dad at 16 and having to spend summer down in Arizona with a 14 year old and a newborn child will not be fun and he probably won't want to do that.

It may make it easier on you and your family but you can't force him to do everything you want. Was he a boyfriend? Or was it just a one-night thing? If you are his girlfriend and he can afford to come down to where you are staying, that is the nicest and fairest thing to do. If it was a one-night thing, it's almost 100% certain that he won't come down or won't want to be apart of your life or apart of your child's life.

Sure, you deserve the 1/2 of his pay check and at least one phone call, maybe a visit even. Yes, overall, you are asking too much of an irresponsible 16 year old.

Answer 6

Your 14 and hes 16. Your still babies yourselves. What is happening to this world. If he wants to be there for the baby, you should give him some time and room to think. You and he have just ruined your lives. A call every night is rediculous. I hope you have some major support because what about school,jobs,a social life,oh wait thats gone now. Next time try a birth control method, Don't have sex at 14. Try not to be a bi**h about money, he only 16,dam

Answer 7

wow there are a lot of rude answers how mean. Wow you are only 14 i am not going to judge you or ask you what were you thinking or call you names like the other people did.

he might be only 16 but now he needs to grow up. He is going to be a dad and yes it is only right that you ask him to call and be there for you and the baby. You are 14 i dint think it is to much to ask for him to be there for a child that he made to.
i wish you all the best of luck in the world and if you ever need anyone to talk to e mail me at [e-mail] Will be more than happy to help and just listen

Answer 8

No, you are not asking too much. Having this baby is just as much his responsibility as it is yours. He should stay in touch with you, if not every night, at least several nights a week.

I am so proud of you for wanting to keep your baby. My wife and I are not able to have children, so keep an open mind to adoption because there are a lot of loving couples out there like us who want children, but cannot have them on our own. I'm not trying to talk you into giving your baby up for adoption because I think anyone who has a baby should want their baby and be willing to want to take care of their baby. I pray everything works out for you and your baby!

I hope the father does keep in touch, because if he doesn't, he won't know what he is missing :)

Answer 9

You are asking to much. It is apparent by what you are saying that your babies father doesn't want that responsibility of being a father. I think it is best you find some guy who is willing to be the future father of your child. As far as his paycheck you should have it garnished. That way you don't have to worry about if he is going to pay or not. Plain and simple he will have to pay. Or he will go to jail. and if your not buy him a plane ticket to AZ then i wouldn't expect him to show up. The phone calls are out of the question too. He will not and can't put his life on hold because you decided (yes decided) to move to AZ.

Answer 10

Are you and the father still together? If so, and he is committed to yall's relationship, then there shouldn't be a problem with him calling you. Maybe not EVERY single night, but farely frequently. However, if you and the father are not together, then him calling you everynight is asking too much. If he really cares about his unborn child, then he'll call. Either way, i wish you the best fo luck.