Help! I just found out my dad is cheating on my mom!?

Question

My mom and dad have been married for about 20 yrs now and for the past month or so he has been stayin out late and always sneaking around with his phone, so one night i looked thru it while he was asleep and i found some very incriminating text messages. i looked thru my moms phone and they were not in there. im so confused on what to do! I dont want my parents to split up but im starting to resent my dad and kind of hate him and its eating me alive. i dont want my mom to be hurt and have them split up but i dont want my dad to be cheating on my mom and have his cake and eat it too! help!

Answer 1

RAT HIM OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

What should be eating you alive is your conscious. Who are you to be rifling through your fathers' personal belongings!? I say that it serves you right! However, you are not my daughter, and I can honestly say that I am proud of that! To answer your question, you have to approach your dad first. Give him the respect he deserves even if you do not feel like it. Afterall, you have wronged him, and as much as you think that you have to be on your mothers' side, you are on neithers. You are a child, a product of what your father and mother have created, thereffore you owe them both the same dignity and courtesy of that role. Again, approach your father first, apologize for being the spoiled brat that you are, then let him know that you have found incriminating evidence about his redevouses with another woman. Advise him that he must give up the tryst, or you will be compelled to share your information with your mother. The only reason that you are giving him the opportunity to 'clean his house' is only because of the clandestine way that you were able to solidify your suspicions. This is the only way that you can do the right thing by both of your parents. Do not think "what if it happens again," this is not your place to ask this question. You are NOT an adult, therefore you should not be trying to pose as one, you imposter! You are in no PLACE to place judgement on your father, therefore be extremely careful on how you approach him. Your father does not want to hurt your mother either, it is the truth. Your father is a man, just like everyone on Earth he has feelings and insecurities as well. Have you ever thought that maybe the 'fling' your father is having is to get rid of his insecurities? No, its not the most effective way, however it is the easiest. You father has not flaunted his indescretion, he has attempted to be secretive. That should let you know that he isn't proud of this. That should be enough to let you know that he isn't attempting to 'have his cake and eat it too!' I would suggest to you that you ask your father to get counseling to sort through his issues, and if he does this then you will be more than inclined not to persue to disrupt the home that your mother and father have worked so hard to maintain.

Answer 3

First make sure that you have your facts straight and have no doubt about what you have found out. You don't want to open a can of worms to find out you're mistaken. Meet with your father privately and give him all the evidence you've found to help collaborate your story. Then demand that he immediately end the affair or you will reveal it all to your mom. If he does end it, leave well enough alone. It will serve no purpose at this point to tell your mom except to begin divorce proceedings. If you feel you need help with this, you may turn to an uncle or his close friend or a combination of brothers and sisters or someone that you can trust. If he chooses to continue the affair, then you may have no choice but to sit down with mom. In any event, be prepared for a battle to erupt should you choose to bring this all out in the open. In the long run you may even wind up taking all the blame. You should think it over carefully. Good luck!

Answer 4

You are in a uncomfortable place, dont know what to do, afraid of so many things, If it were me, I'd rather everybody know the truth, you opened up the can so therefore you are gonna have to do the right thing. Now you want to protect you mom, but think about it, would she be more mad if you didn't tell her and kept it a secret from her, I will feel like if she found out and knew that you knew, that would probably upset her more then she wouldnt be able to trust u, So my advice to you is to give her a heads up, tell her what you are feeling and that you just want her to investigate herself, without actually saying anything, but believe me, if u realize he has been coming home late, Im sure your mother does to. Honesty is the key, don't worry about your dad's feelings cause obviously he is not concerned about yours and especially your mothers, because if he was he would have thought about the things you think about...keeping the family together. Besides you may just be finding out something thats been going on for a while, who knows your mom maybe knows already and maybe, just maybe she has a little something on the side, ya see women are smarter than men, they know to erase msgs, men just leave it , the old saying MEn are dogs, theyshit andleave it, women are cats, they bury theirs....Good Luck

Answer 5

Approach your dad in a calm manner and tell him that he has the obligation to tell your mom. Try not to take sides because dishonoring them also dishonors you. It's not your place to keep secrets or to be dragged into their relationship problems. This is a very difficult situation to be in. Work out your anxieties and frustration with a close friend if at all possible.They might work to stay together or they may separate. It takes two to make a relationship work.Your dad made a choice that he will be accountable for sooner or later. If you don't confront him, your mother will also be hurt with the knowledge that you didn't tell her. It's like a double betrayal. The truth will come out. It is his mistake and it is up to him to fix it. Good luck and I hope things calm down as soon as possible.

Answer 6

Well it could be your mom and dad texting each other just your mother erases her at the end of the day! Maybe they are tryin to spice up thier relationship. If not and your are that worried then maybe you need to speak with your father... it will not be easy but atleast it will put your mind at ease..... Either that or get the name of the person he is texting an then text her and see what she writes back then ask your mom( something that your mother would know) if she gets it wrong then you know he is steppin out.... Good luck and I wish it all turns out well........ P.S. Don;t confront your mother until you have some solid information don;t wanna cause her pain.

Answer 7

Talking to him first seems like good advice.....except that when you tell him how you find out, he will erase the messages and then no one can prove anything. I think it might be best to go ahead and tell your mom first because you don't want to lose your proof. Either that or figure out a way to preserve the messages, like maybe take pictures of the text messages.

Answer 8

I would talk to your dad and ask him why he has been so distant and that you have a feling that some thing is going on. He will get mad once he finds out that you snooped into his buisness but let him know that you want what is best for both of your parents and don't want either of them hurt then give it some time and if you think it is continueing talk to your mom.

Answer 9

Perhaps your mom isn't giving your dad want he needs sexually so he's getting it elsewhere (don't take offence to that comment). The point is although he may be cheating you may not know the full story. Do you know if he is intimate with your mom? Not sure what you should do but perhaps you could confide in someone you trust and ask their advice - but take care and don't assume until yoiu are sure - good luck.

Answer 10

Hey, when your dad is cheating on your mom hes cheating on you to. Hes risking on losing his family.But that's tough on your behalf. Have a talk with your dad and see what he says.Let him know its bothering you so that he can think twice about it. Just don't kick back and watch it all fall apart do something about it.

Answer 11

Don't be so sure! Keep a watchful eye over him and then if the texts keep on going talk to your mom or another adult you trust! Could the texts possibly be from an aunt or mother? If not, I would talk to someone. Good luck!