if you are a man what are your genuine reasons for turning down sex?

Question

married to a builder who works long hours and has no interest in me

Answer 1

Communicate is the best aphrodisiac, I had this problem too. wasn't very interested in sex. I just had lot's on my mind and issues. but once we were able to communicate honestly (so I thought), things got really great. best sex ever.

Answer 2

I'm going to jump in, as my boyfriend isn't a slave to the Man-Must-Want-Sex-(Always!) standard either and, also, there are often occasions where I'm the one doing the persuading so I think I can speak from experience.

It's good to try to get to the bottom of this because, apart from the obvious factor of your desire, there's also the possibility that he has some stress to be dealt with. However, I don't think you should worry that his turning you down is necessarily caused by anything out of the ordinary. On the contrary to what some traditionalists would have you believe, men aren't 24-hr sex machines, ready to perform no matter what and there are *loads* of totally genuine reasons why a man might turn down sex. For example, the "tired" explanation seems feasible. Is he more of a morning man? Ask him and, if he says he is, try setting your alarm and giving him a wake-up call!

Has he had a few drinks before he gets back? My boyfriend sometimes turns down sex if he is too wasted and just wants a cuddle. However, if I manage to persuade him, we end up having lovely sleepy sex and it's all good. (Not that I don't take "no" for an answer because I do. No-one should have to perform like a robot if they really don't feel like it.)

There's loads more and I've barely covered it but I need to get back to work. Hope what I've said helps a bit! :-)

PS: Not responding to a woman's advances shouldn't be taken to mean there is "something wrong" with a man (South Londoner?) and what exactly would be "wrong", whatever the issue was, anyway? Also, the cliche that men and women's reasons for sex are somehow naturally at odds is, IMO, as damaging to men as it is women (Clamshell 19?)

PS: I would suggest to James R that fellatio *is* a form of sex.

Answer 3

I am a woman but here are my suggestions as to why a bloke would turn down sex:

1. No longer interested in you at all.
2. Bored of same old thing.
3. Stressed and/or ill or under-the-weather
4. Porn addiction.
5. Another woman.
6. Can't get an erection.
7. Literally too tired.
8. Circumstances at home put him off - i.e. kids around or whatever.
9. You are too demanding.

I suggest you talk to him, tell him you love him and ask how you can both get your relationship back on track.

Answer 4

Supposing this is a physical issue, hows his diet? This has a huge effect on sex drive and energy! If you don't already, maybe you can try buying some healthy alternatives for him to take to work. Keep fresh food in the house, and get rid of the junk. There are of course supplements that can help energy levels, multi-vitamins etc but these must form part of a healthy diet. You can also purchase supplements for men and women to boost sex drive such as "Wyld" or "Horny Goat-weed". I'm not a nutritionist but something so important as your sex life deserves to be treated seriously. You've got nothing to lose by trying something different.

Answer 5

Today is for football and food and half time That means Quick take him in the bed room NOW!! I have been a contractor for over 15 years we do get tiered and all we wont to do is rest when we get home! After a shower life starts to slow down maybe wash his back or a back rub will help. Sometime things get rough, the cement didn't get there on time, or the shipment was late! Ask how his day went and mean it take a Little time and find out what he does! Maybe go by the job sight for lunch take fried Chicken, And maybe a NOON ER or just give him a hug and tell him you love him . AS you see we both missed the game! I hope it works out!

Answer 6

Sadly this is often a sign that your man has found 'love' between the arms, thighs and breasts of another female, possibly younger than you, if I were you I'd find the nearest farm and suck off a long line of underpaid teenage boys, take a camcorder with you and get the farmer and his wife to record the incident and email me a copy of the footage.

Answer 7

It's not easy being a builder. Every time they stop work and open a soft drink, women in offices start ogling them.

Maybe he's tired of being seen as a sex object, and would like a foot massage or a back rub instead.

Answer 8

For me it was just falling into a routine get up go to work come home tired and yet there are things that need done at home the trash the yard and so on by the time you go to bed who wants it or has the time for it. I put in 18 hour days and average 6 hours of sleep so what do you take from work, work at home, or sleep.
try catching him in the morning I love morning sex. like on his day off wake him up in the morning by getting him erect he should wake up happy and responsive

Answer 9

Tiredness
Bad breath
B.O.
Angry with partner
Fed up with being constantly demanded to perform.
Erectile malfunction.
Illness
Headache
Stress due to money worries
Fallen out of love
etc etc and all the same reasons you would refuse.

If you think he's cheating then you had better back off and try conversation and see what you can draw out. Try for example socialising with him. Turn off the T.V. and go for drink (quite space not a noisy pub) Suggest you both get a 'night off' together when he finishes work at an earlier time and you can go out to the cinema/ten pin bowling/Theatre or whatever sort of entertainment you used to enjoy together.

Answer 10

all guys don't think about and want to have sex 24/7, i been married over 10 years and there is a lot of times when it just not on my mind, and i get mad cause my wife be bugging me for sex...just make sure that you express how you feel, and marriage is all about compromise...50/50