I am very curious about dominatrix, any females have suggestions or tips on how to be a better dom?

Question

I am into dominatrix, and wondering if any other females who are into it would like to share some ideas. I am just getting into it and i do have a very good imagination, but a beginner is a beginner. If you feel like sharing, please do!!

Answer 1

I'm by no means a dom, but I am a curious observer of all things related to it, so here are my suggestions:

1) Listen to your clients, and I mean seriously listen to them. The best doms are not the ones who are really in control; they know that their slaves are the ones who really have it easy- they get to laze about and be ordered around- the S&M equivalent of getting a massage. It's your duty as the dom to know exactly where to rub, how hard, to pull the right responses out.

2) Be careful who you associate with. Optimally, everyone goes through a length vetting process, getting to know you, and you check out their references, first. There are a lot of weirdos and sickos out there, not to mention just general jerks.

3) Don't put too much stock into paraphenalia. Yes, it's nice to have a closet full of pretty leather, corsets, thigh-high PVC boots, etc. Yes, it's great to reveal your collection of classy sexual torture tools and E-bay collected fifteenth century riding crops. But after a point in time, it's all just tools- physical means of something that should start mentally. You should be able to be just as effective in jeans with no tools but your hand. Domination is at its hottest when it is mental (much in the same way that a child being spanked responds not to the pain, but humiliation).

4) Take care of your clients/the people you play with. Remember that a huge part of the dom-sub relationship is loving and tender; never get too involved in the pain aspect. Everything should have a balance.

5) Really use your imagination. You shound like you've got a good enough one, but study various methods and plan, plan, plan! Only after a lot of practice will you have the ability to go into a scene without some sort of preparation. They call these sexual encounters 'scenes' and for a reason- you are playing something out, just like acting. You need to put thought into a) the location and its decor, b) your costumery, c) your props, d) the needs of your client, e) speed and pacing, f) language, g) the possible inclusion of other people, h) your goals for the end of the scene, and so on. If you want to get the best reaction, after you've done all of that planning, you need to find some way to access your own feelings to make the scene as genuine and emotional as possible. It will enhance it for your sub.

Other than those, you're just going to have to try it! Practice and experience are what it's all about, as well as communication with your subs beforehand. If you can, try to 'apprentice' to some experienced doms who will train you in their arts and maybe let you watch/help them work.

Good luck!

Answer 2

There are lots of sites on this subject. I am sure you must realize no self-respecting Mistress would just give out her secrets.
Caution is the most important word to remember.

Slaves are all groveling snippets in need of a good flailing