What am I supposed to do when my grandmother gives me money in order to, in her mind, pay back my dad?

Question

Today my grandmother discreetly told me to stash an envelope in my purse that she handed to me after my dad told her not to. She's given me money that my parents tell her not to give me before. I've learned to, after trying to refuse it in the past, take the money with a gracious thank you.

My dad stopped me after getting home and asked me what my grandmother gave me. I told him she gave me ten dollars along with a small note saying "Just something to say I love you." We were in a recent severe car accident, so I understand that she's glad I'm still here, but dad said something like "You shouldn't have taken that."

I went on to say "What was I supposed to do? If I hadn't accepted it, she'dve been mad. If I did, you would have been mad." He finally admitted to me that she'd try to pay him for part of a relative's funeral flowers that his sister didn't pay a part of. He didn't accept it, so she told him she'd give it to me and did.

What am I supposed to do?

My dad told me that it was very self-serving of me to take it and that I should go get it and give it to him so he'd handle it. When I go and get it, my manner says "Here you go.;", but he said "No keep it, your grandmother gave it to you."

Help!

BTW, apparently my mom had talked to him while I went to grab the money and hand it to him. It's just really putting pressure on me and bugging me that basically he didn't tell me to keep it; Mom did.

What's more is that I've become depressed after this car wreck, and this is adding to the depression. Nothing that makes me happy usually is helping at all...and I'm really looking for some advice. Not that the other answers aren't helping, it's just...how can I tell my dad to knock it off giving me a hard time? He's definitely mad at me.

Answer 1

Having been in the same situation a while back. I would suggest you address how it makes you feel to your Grandmother.
It will be hard and if she doesn't except it then be open about it with your Dad and maybe address the issue whilst all together.

In the short term its a horrible pressure on you but in the long term all parties will be comfortable that it will no longer be an issue

Answer 2

There's one thing you have to remember in this - surely, your family needs you. But your Mother's ADDICTION is not your problem!!! That's something I myself have had to realize. If your mom depends on you to do so much, for example: things that she was/is supposed to take care of herself - You need to start thinking about breaking ties of some sort..... try not to enable situations and issues, like don't let her take advantage of you. Cause surely she knows you'll help. I think an intervention needs to be done, not by you - but you can get the ball rolling. Visit Dr. Phil's site.....Yes - i'm serious! I'm not saying go on his show! please don't get me wrong. I just promise you - he can help you and your family get through this. All you have to do, is drop him a message like you did here. Take Care Girl - Hold your head up..... things will get better!! : ) {{{ HUGS }}}

Answer 3

Your damed if you do ...and your damed if you dont....you cant win ...the problem seems to be your gran is a lot like me ..she is independant and pays her way ..your Dad's annoyed at her ...not you but he loves her and respects her ...and probably disapproves of her being so stubborn and bringing you into the issue they have ...try telling your Dad that you respect him but you respect your gran as well and dont want to offend either of them but this situation has left you feeling embarressed and torn as you do not know which side to take

Answer 4

if your grandmother gives you money its because she loves you so don,t insult her by refusing,it will annoy her more than you, as for giving it to your dad well thats a no no, if she wanted him to have it she would have given it to him. grannys know best.