is it right to stay with someone for the sake of the children or is it best to leave?

Question

my mum and dad where divorced but my dad came back to support us children (4 of us), i always knew he was dreadfully unhappy but he never left. we even told him we wanted to see him happy rather than be stuck with my mum who never let up on him.my mum begged him back cos she couldnt cope with us.my mum used him for his money and im very bitter of the way she treated him.but im angry that my dad put up with her when he knew he had our backing? why do people do it to themselves

just to make it clear that when he did go cos my mum told him to she would not let him see us or have any communication with us. i think he got scared that wouldnt lay eyes on us again. and your right my dad was a saint and an incredible person.x

Answer 1

Your dad must have really loved you and your siblings he is a saint for doing what he done and put up with stress with your mother.

Sometimes you have to sacrifice your happiness for your babies and thats what he did for you.

50/50 i would think...anyway i hope this helps

everyone has there reasons xxx

Answer 2

If you are asking what is best in your parents' case: they have decided what they should do and are abiding by it.

But if it is what "I" would do, then.... I believe children are gifts from God. They come into this world depending on parents for material security and God for everything. They are innocents and are usually dragged into adult conflicts, sometimes without the intention. It is a parent's duty, mother or father, to give his child a better life than he/she led. To protect, teach, love and cherish the child.
When 2 adults decide to have a child (biologically or adopt), they commit to the child to give it warmth, love and a home. For this, they should be committed to each other.
You cannot have children for your own selfish reasons ie, to make marriage better, in hope your husband will not leave you etc. Once 2 adults have behaved selfish and irresponsible and have decided to use children as weapons and shield, they have to bear the consequences and stay with each other to make a home for the kids.
But if the separation has to occur due to some very demanding reasons, then both the parents have to make themselves available to the children, at all times and at all costs. No excuses!
Children come first...no matter what!

Answer 3

This is such a very complex question with opinions on both side of the fence I believe that personal happiness is always up there but when it comes to children sometimes life just isnt fair. Having 3 children of my own Me and my husband separated for a short time. I could not afford to have a single income pay for sitters afford food for 3 children and still be able to make time to see my children and sleep. I went back to my husband and decided that my personal needs in the relationship would just have to worked harder on Im not saying that I made the right choice but sometimes its the difference of keeping your children fed and clothed and having them taken from you. I hope that this gives you insight on maybe why your dad came back.

Answer 4

Hey
I have no parents... my mum and dad left me when i was 6 years old. I am now 15 and liveing with people i dont want to be with. I am suicidal, self harm and suffer from depression. All i can say is be glad you have yout parents and be glad that they are together because of you... even if they dont love each other. Are they violent towards each other or do they argue alot? Because if they are putting stress on you then no thats not right. Hey if you want to talk drop me an email. much loves xxxxxx

Answer 5

I have 4 children and on my own i would never be with a partner if they make me unhappy I think its best to leave children can feel the stress this can affect them in many ways and the other parent can have contact with them anyways unless there is a reason they should not have contact

Answer 6

It sounds as though he was with the belief that he was doing what was best for his children. At the expense of his happiness. don't be angry with anyone. They were both adults and they made the conscious effort to do what they thought was best. Obviously, your father loves you very much, and probably wanted to be close and in your life as you grew. Children grow fast, and many times when parents split up one of the parents holds the children from the other. This was probably to painful of an option for your Dad to deal with. Good luck and God bless****

Answer 7

Man this is a good question. I feel bad for your dad and your mom. When life goes this wrong there seems to be no answers. However, life is too short to keep doing something that is killing you. Get with your dad and let him know that you love him and you want him to be happy. Most of the time you can distract older men with younger women. You might try that.

Answer 8

One should never put up with the fact that you have to stay with someone for the sake of the children as the latter will understand anyway why the parents split up and they will be having their life to contend with. To stay because of such a flimsy excuse is torture in itself hence your dad wasn't ever happy. Why he did that, only he can answer that because they ain't many men like him, he is one in a million because few would stand staying with their divorced wives as the latter will be leading an independent life.

Answer 9

All circumstances are different, but typically, a happy person is a better parent and role model. Ideally - the way you describe it - your dad could have taken you kids with him, and left your mom to her own devices. But it's never an easy decision to make. Just appreciate that he did what he felt was best for you and loved you enough to make that sacrifice.

Answer 10

Best to leave after telling the kids why.....we only come this way once and a life of misery is not living.......even if for a period of time one parent misses out on the kids, that relationship can be rekindled, as my business partner has found out after nearly 30 years....he now spends as much time as possible in contact with them and they have all started to enjoy the company again

Answer 11

Your poor dad. He stayed in a unhappy relationship for the sake of his children he deserves a medal. No one should have to make there lives unhappy this way. Its better to have 2 happy parents living seperately than 2 living together in hell. Im just sorry you had to live with it too. xx