I've been married for 3 years and i have a 20 month old daughter. i have a family and friends who love and support me and for some reason, this guy just blows my mind away. when i'm with him, i feel like all the stress that's on my shoulders is gone. he helps me forget my position as a wife and mother and respected family member. i've loved him since we were kids and we share this connection, i just can't explain it. The funny thing is, i would never leave my husband for him and i feel like i just use him as my escape. Do you guys think this is right? am i totally unfaithful? no one knows about us. we see eachother once a month and just chill. what do you guys think?
2006-11-23 06:52:14 · 25 answers · asked by SD 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
On the one hand, it is perfectly normal to have a close friend you can turn to outside of a marriage just to talk about things from a different perspective.
On the other hand, when you are talking about more than friendship, if nothing else you should think about how your husband might feel if and when he finds out. (How would *you* feel if you found out your husband was having an affair with an old friend, even someone you knew?) The longer your affair goes on, the more likely it is he will find out, even if he is trusting enough not to be looking for it.
If what you really need is just a friend to talk to about things, someone you can just chill with occasionally, then by all means don't discard your old best friend -- but if that is what you really want, then stick to being friends. If things are going further than friendship there then you need to ask yourself what it is that you really need besides another friendly face to talk to.... is it purely physical? Is it emotional, the idea of extra attention?
If something is lacking in your marriage, try talking to your husband about it. Guys aren't real good about talking about emotions, but we are even worse at reading minds. Your husband will be pretty slow to clue in that something's not right if you don't tell him. --Besides, you might be surprised. If the guy really loves you, chances are he will do his best to make you happy again.
If it isn't so much that you are feeling like anything is lacking in your marriage at all, but you just like having "something extra"... well.... how fair is that for your husband? Being in a committed relationship means a certain amount of compromise and sacrifice -- you can't just go out and do anything you want regardless of your partner. In a good relationship, though, the relationship itself is worth a lot more than what you have to give up.
If your affair is worth more to you than your marriage, then maybe you should think things through a little more carefully.
2006-11-23 07:05:50 · answer #1 · answered by M W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only God knows whether he is a big fat lier. If you still with him than you both are committing adultery which is wrong in the first place. You'll always be the hidden one like any mistress if you can leave with that. You're only 24 do yourself a favor go out with an open heart and enjoy life and get to know people. The right man maybe out there for you. If he is still attached with his family than forget about him and move on. Didn't you read the news Tiger Woods go back to his wife. How many man cheats and they go back to their wife. Decide on your future with him if he is single again. It's not worth it with a married man. Carry on another few years by than you're hitting 30s.
2016-03-29 06:52:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are married and have a beautiful daughter with him for a reason. There are times in life when you are being tested. Most importantly you must respect and cherish your family. Summon up your courage and expect this "friend" to respect you, your husband, and your daughter. He is just a family friend so you can cut all contact from him, or at least no inappropriate eye contact and not being in the same room as he, alone. Family is all to important for you to just jeopardize like this. Emotionally it is cheating.
You sound like a very nice lady, you must continue to live your life with integrity.
...Picture your husband having a secret emotional affair with someone...would that thought sit well with you? Meanwhile he will never admit it to you?? That would be horrible, I am sure.
Good luck and infatuation is only dopamine that is released from your brain-that's why you feel that "spark" when you speak to this "friend". You control your mind, your mind doesn't control you.
2006-11-23 07:21:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you sound like a desperate housewife that got married to young and become a mom to young. You are very immature cheating behind your husbands back. Yes Life has a lot of stress, you are a mother, and have a baby. You are only 22 years old, You could be partying with your friends having a good time going to school, instead you are at home, taking care of your child, cooking cleaning. You definitely use this mam as a escape of your boring life. My dear, you should know that life is full of responsibilities and stress and marriage is not easy. Have you thought about what would happens if you husband finds out? Do you think you still would be very respected? What about your baby? What type of a mother are you? If something happens to your baby while you are with this guy having sex. Would you forgive yourself? I think you are very immature and very young. You should have thought about that before committing to marriage. Before you ruin your life. Go to church, take your family with you, find a work, go back to school and keep your mind busy instead of doing something wrong .
2006-11-23 07:04:30 · answer #4 · answered by bbluckylove 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No, you are completely wrong. You are unfaithful and your husband and child deserve something better than you are giving them. End the affair now and take care of your family.
Talk to your husband about what you are missing/lacking in your relationship and fix things there first. If you can't leave this other guy, then do your family a favour and get divorced.
You're too sefish to be married anyways.
2006-11-23 06:57:06 · answer #5 · answered by tipper 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you loved him since you were kids then why didn't you marry him instead of giving your vows to someone else only to break them? You know it's wrong, it doesn't take total strangers on this board to tell you that. But from what I can see, you don't really value your family much because you are risking losing them over this guy. And don't think your dirty little secret won't eventually come out. It will. It always does, no matter how much you try to hide it. So, wise up!
2006-11-23 06:59:21 · answer #6 · answered by Leila G 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What you are doing is wrong, look at www.marriagebuilders.com for more info, it helped me.
You need to end this relationship before it is too late. He will find out, I did, but that is my story. This friend of yours is filling in where your husband isn't, it is called filling your love bank. My wife did the same thing for 2 years, but realized it was wrong, got professional help, and eventually confessed. She said it was the only way to save herself, and our marriage. I forgave her and we are still working on it.
Yes you are using him as an escape, and that is not fair. You are abusing your husband, your lover, your marriage, and yourself. None of this is good. It seems great now, but it will end very badly, unless you end it and confess to your husband, you will carry this guilt for the rest of your life, and it will affect your relationship with your child as well.
Good luck, if your love is strong, and YOU make the commitment
you will survive... do the right thing.
2006-11-23 07:35:56 · answer #7 · answered by axecrap 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but I think you are only fooling yourself and setting your self and all those you love up for a lot of hurt. Eventually someone will find out and the **** will hit the fan. Your behavior is going to hurt a lot of people you suppossedly care about including the guy your sleeping with becouse you are using him. Id stop now and seek counselling to find out what your real issues are that make you feel like you need to lie and cheat to "exscape" from your real life and how to deal with it in a less distructive manner.
2006-11-23 06:58:50 · answer #8 · answered by buffybot67 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not only are you unfaithful, you are a b*tch too. first off you are just using him, second you are stabbing your husband and your kid(s) in the back, lying to family and friends, should I stop there, That's what your husband is there for, NOT your "Friend".... Get a clue. If it sounds like I being harsh well I am... its not right.. Both of you should be slapped...
2006-11-23 07:20:33 · answer #9 · answered by goin_truck_racin06 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I totally feel you, i have been 2 married for 7 years and have 2 kids, but i started working with my ex-also close friend and became emotionally involved, but i had to switch jobs because it was going to ruin my marriage! I feel for you, i hope that you r can stop this, because it is cheating (if you are having s*x)and your husband will find out! If you guys are just hanging out then be truthful with your husband, and hopefully you can stay friends and keep your marriage
2006-11-23 07:04:14 · answer #10 · answered by sick of fakes.. 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋