My child is 14 and lives with my ex in another state. He has not followed the Visitation guidelines per the divorce decree and I have not seen regularly as I was supposed to.
She did come to visit me this past summer and enjoyed her visit.
I don't know if I have hurt her by ending the marraige. My ex was and is still controlling, money-minded and abusive.
I wonder if its better for children to grow up with two parents or in a peaceful single parent home. My ex works late and does not give her the time and attention that she needs. I have asked him to send her to me, but he does not agree.
My mother-in-law says that I have not put her first and have not made her an intelligent girl even though I may be intelligent.
I feel like I have failed in life.
2006-11-23 02:51:18 · 8 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Of course you hurt her by ending the marriage. ANY disruption in the life of a child is hurtful. But, ending the marriage is not nearly as harmful as raising a child in a tension, anger filled home. To h---with what your ex- mother in law says. She's got her own agenda and that can't be trusted. (For one thing, it's insane to accuse you of not "making" an intelligent child.) Do what you know is in the best interests of the child.
Dear, we ALL fail. You have a right to feel badly and to grieve the mistakes and losses. But, after the grieving, buckle down and do what the child needs you to do.
2006-11-23 03:14:46 · answer #1 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes children can be affected by divorce.She really needs the attention right now especially in her teen years. You can try to start changing your life and put your daughter first. Sometimes it is better to live in a peaceful house. If the parents are always fighting that is not good. If you want your daughter back then fight for her and just show everybody that she is first and that you are going to do your best to be a good mom. I am a single mother and i raised my daughter on my own. And she came first. A daughter needs her mom at this time for guidence about growing up and becoming a young woman. You can do it so go for it. Get your daughter back.
2006-11-23 11:15:04 · answer #2 · answered by Andie F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is hard on kids, period, altho I'm of the mindset, that staying in a bad marriage is just as traumatic overall to children than the divoce. Kids often times feel they are responsible for the divorce, and so as a parent, we have to show and let them know that they are not the reason, and that it is because of their well being why we choose to divorce. Of course, them being kids, they're not gonna understand it.
Of course chances are your ex isn't goning to send you the child. Most likely you are going to have to go to court in order to get your child, and prove to the court why you would be the best person to have the child. Meaning, you are going to have to prove to the courts that there is neglect involved with the child, not just what you preceive to be neglect, or whatever else that concerns you about your child. You cannot hold against a person their working late at night, sometimes there isn't much other choice but to. All cicumstances has to be considered.
As for your mother in law, you cannot listen to her, she sounds as bad as your ex as far as wanting to bash you for the divorce. I know its hard to ignore what she is saying, but you have to consider the source. Secondly, why is she saying your daughter isn't intellegent? Is that what you want your child to be around, someone saying that about her? Sounds like its word play there, and a way to keep you riled up. Also, no one can make someone more intellegent, you have to guide them, and hopefully they will learn how to make the right decisions later on.
Good luck to you, no matter what you decide to do. You are not in an easy situation.
Happy Thanksgiving!
2006-11-23 11:29:14 · answer #3 · answered by whydiduaskthis? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get an attorney and get custody of the child if you can prove his abuse.
At any rate get an attorney and make sure that visitation is regular. My children have made it fine but because they could be at either house when they chose too and my ex and I don't fight.
Those are the important things listed above and the other is do not bad mouth your ex to your child or in their presence.
2006-11-23 10:57:45 · answer #4 · answered by yeller 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have not failed! It was obviously the best thing you could do and thats all that matters. Your daughter will grow up to respect that and she understands more than you know. If anything, she probably hates her dad and blames him so I wouldnt be so quik to judge yourself.
You cannot protect your child forever and as its hard living in a broken family, im sure she has plenty of other friends her age to talk to about it. You are not the only family that has this problem. All im saying is do you best, talk to her as much as possible and tell her you l;ove her as often as you can. Good Luck!
2006-11-23 10:59:46 · answer #5 · answered by kra_z_fly_chic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Childrens need to know they will have a nice place to stay tomorrow and forever, also clothes, food, friends, social life, is very important to a 14 year old. If you cannot make her life stable, she is better off with her father. She don't need a loser or one that feels that way. Work on yourself, get right and go get your child.
2006-11-23 11:09:10 · answer #6 · answered by bigslick60 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorces effect all kids differently, for some kids it was the best thing to happen to them and for others it tears them apart. Some think that it was their fault that it happened and some know it was not their fault. So a divorce will effect all kids different.
I know when I got my divorce, both of my kids were so happy that I did it and did NOT want to see their dad. Them not seeing him had nothing to do with me but their own dad. He himself was the reason that they didn't want to see him. My kids did see their dad BUT they sure didn't want to, they hated it every time they went.
So every case is different. It all depends on what was going on in the first place that caused the divorce and you never said what happened to cause it. So I can not answer your question truthfully.
2006-11-23 11:04:43 · answer #7 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a child and the same age as your daughter.I think in my opinion it was better for you to stay with your ex.parents may not know this but childeren get hurt when they have to choses between their moms or dad's. See if there is a way that you can see her.Also ask her how she felt about it.send her gifts on her birthday..everything like that just so she knows you still care
2006-11-23 10:57:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋