holiday with mother-in-law?

Question

Holiday hell with new mother-in-law?
About a month ago I had asked my mother in law if she would mind If I do Thanksgiving my mother had no problem with it but mother in law did. She said it was her favorite holiday and she wanted to do it. I said no problem I just thought it would make things a little easier so that we wouldn't have to go to her house at 12 and my moms at 5. I have no problem doing that but my mother inlaw does. She thinks you should go to one place for the holidays I have always went to 2 familys for thanksgiving and I want to keep it that way. I like to see my family every year as well as my husbands family and I am willing to do both.
My mother-in-law is being really selfish she calls last night to talk to my husband and they are discusing Thanksgiving my husband tells her that we won't be eating dinner there we will have appitizers and stay a while but we are eating at my wifes mothers because we ate last year at your house for dinner. This is the problem my mom is flexible she will do lunch or dinn

Additional Details

7 minutes ago
she will do lunch or dinner but my mother in law needs to give alittle too. She wanted to have dinner between 2:30 and 3pm. I swear she does it because she is jelous of my husbands relationship with my family we are all very close and we do alot of things together. She doesn't like that. She wants us to go to her house this year and my moms next I don't feel I should give in to something I feel so strong about but I don't want to be her enemy we just got married in September but we have been together over 6 years. Ohh and when she said I couldn't do Thanksgiving she said I can do Christmas day and then she tells us she wont even be their she is going to her sisters. But we have to go to her house christmas eve

5 minutes ago
What do you think of this crappy mess. I need some advice as of now my husband is so upset with his mother we are not even going for Thanksgiving. Thaings can change

Answer 1

This is common. Holidays can be a hassle. You two need to remember that YOU are a family now. While going to holiday dinners at relatives' homes is great, when family makes it more stress than pleasure, you gotta get your priorities right. You need to take care of YOURSELVES. Make yourselves happy, and don't allow others' silliness to spoil holidays. Yes, it's good for you two to be flexible, it isn't good for you guys to allow others to dictate your plans from guilt. Allow the conflicting family wishes to matter, but never control you guys. Why not have all the families over to your home for next Thanksgiving?

Answer 2

Stand up for what is right. Keep a close communication with your spouse on this. Make sure this is not seen as something petty, but rather a principle of sharing in family on the highest level. Take and keep the high ground on this one. If you are seen as throwing mud, it will only come back on you. Be calm, but firm. Do not let this woman run your family. And do not over do that compare and contrast between the two mothers. That may work for you but it has to be hard on him. Just keep the common sense and loving option as your message and I think you will ride this nonsense out.

Answer 3

Stick by your husband. If he doesn't want to ruin his both of your holidays by going to his mom's then fine. Go to your parents house and enjoy yourself! Some in-laws just need to get a clue. Good luck! Happy Thanksgiving!

Answer 4

We do thanksgiving on two diffent days, one with my husband's family and one with mine.

Christmas is even crazier:
Eve: husband's family
Day: My grandmother
Boxing Day: Morning with husband's parents, lunch with my dad, dinner with my mom

However now we have a baby and my mom moved 2 hours away so hopefully we can cut it down a little.

Your husband should talk to his mom and tell her what you guys expect. We had to do thi with my husband' family. After 5 year of everything working out hi family wanted to do the date my family alway does -- and for no reason. So I just said he should tell his family that on those days I will be with my family and that he is free to do as he wants. But with the baby the baby comes with me, so that seems to have really shut them up.

Remember you can always do what you want and leave your husband's decision up to him.

Answer 5

My mother in law hatted me and made eerything difficult for me. I would talk with your husband and get his take, tell him your feeling. See if possibly you can do her house for thanksgiving and your parnets for christms. Try to work somehting out with your husband and let him tell her eases the blow good luck darlin and happy thanksgiving

Answer 6

Why should mother in law be hated? Why?

I think you have been adult enough to separate your subjectivity and objectivity, haven't you? Even you think your real mother is the BEST of your life, it doesn't mean that other mothers is BASTARDS. Please grow up.

You must see objectively about your mother in law. Don't become blind of your real mother. Don't believe all the stories/movies about bad mother in law. You look like a child who still believe Cinderella and snow white.

Of course she did different because she's lived in different life than your SUPER PERFECT life with your mother, didn't she? She has lived for a long time with her way to grow your husband till now. Do you think to grow your husband since he's baby until adult is easy way to do? Don't be selfish, your husband is still her son. You just met and took him from her hand easily and then now you try to hate her.
That's heard so ridiculous.

Please give respect to your mother in law. Because nobody perfect. Even you, may be after you've become mother in law for your children's family, you will do worse than her.

Believe me, even your mother pray in the church all the time as a nun, if you hate her without reason, she always looks bad in your eyes.

Answer 7

What a mess. Do what your heart says. Happy Thanksgiving.

Answer 8

i think of this is time you and your husband set boundries. holiday journeys are approximately spending time with the human beings you like. possibly-you ought to start incorporating a rotational holiday development. i recognize you mentioned which you prefer to maintain them seperate, inspite of the undeniable fact that this is sooo plenty extra user-friendly and much less stressful in the long-term. i think of your motherlaw is being unreasonable, egocentric and doubtless is till attempting to show what little administration she has over your loved ones. somewhat frankly-i may be somewhat aggravated at her unwillingness to compromise. What did her and her husband do? Did she create the regulations of the land. At,this think approximately the day-it somewhat is annoying to purpose and salvage this. Sounds to me like your mom in regulation is having a tempertantrum-because of the fact she would have the capacity to't have issues her way. the sole bandaid i will think of of is to call her, clarify to her how plenty she ability to you and your loved ones, yet additionally remind her which you and your husband have created a sparkling existence which includes the stability of different individuals of the kinfolk. Her thoughts are harm. She being reactionary and unreasonable. annoying to handle human beings whilst the sentiments are working extreme. yet easily, kinfolk relationships are complicated-yet they could desire to no longer be this annoying. existence is purely too short. She has systematically taken the exhilaration out of this holiday. Manipulative-sure, infantile-sure, Painful-sure-Your mom in regulation is wounded, yet once you permit her get away with this immature additude-you would be laying out the direction for her to try this with destiny holiday journeys. What happens in case you have toddlers? Will she assume you to uproot the youngsters each and every holiday and bear in mind to her regulations to convience her? ok now i'm getting mad. good success, console the wounded soul to purpose and make some happiness out of the day. or you could desire to look at it from a employer attitude. She did no longer make the decrease-off. you have different meatings. do you prefer to reschedule? that would definately instruct her that a while is efficacious and so is your husbands, so in case you have the prefer to make a commintment to spend time with one yet another-she'll ought to honor her area of the coolest purchase. You snooze-you loose. Ouch!!

Answer 9

well...i think that you are right but i am not here to agree with you i am sorry you guys are soo much alike. you both are stuborn.loving,comitting to family it is such a shame that you guys do not get along. i give my props to yo mom she is cool flexible and loving. letting loose is not the answer but hurting your family isn't eather. i have a step mom we kinda get along. you need to find a way to gently tell her that your family needs to see your family not just yours you are welcome after we have orderves to come and have dinner at her house that way she is not left out and you do not feel like ****.

Answer 10

Tell her to shove her turkey up her *** or designate certain holidays to certain places and swap every year...It sounds like she has a need to feel important