I split from my ex in Easter this year, but then he chats to me on the phone or messenger and is all friendly then he runs off to his solicitor with malicious information about me in order to gain custody of our 4 year old daughter.
I stayed at my parents house for a week and because he couldn't get in contact with me he told his solicitor that I had moved house!
He has our daughter over night every Friday and I wasn't going to go against this arrangement, but he said that I was going to prevent him from seeing his daughter. Why is he doing this and what should I do?
2006-11-23 00:31:58 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Simple. Stop emailing and messengering him. Only go through Solicitors if he is going to be a lying scumbag. Try and keep the peace for the sake of your kid.
2006-11-23 00:34:59 · answer #1 · answered by Charlene 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds very malicious to me, and two faced. One minute he's nice to you and the next he is running to the solicitor.
My feelings on this are, that he wants custody of your daughter. His being really nice are to throw you off track and everyone else, to make him seem like the good guy. The guy who is amicable towards his ex, the guy who is a great dad. I could be wrong but I have seen this happen before.
Firstly, if he is making false accusations you need to stand your ground. Either confront him and ask him straight out why he is making up lies or I would go to my own solicitor and express my concern and how this will affect my child. The more tension he puts on you, the more this will affect your daughter- she will pick up on it.
I feel that perhaps on the face of it he is being nice, but underneath he is simmering. That's a common mask that people wear when they are frustrated and angered and in this case perhaps he feels your daughter should be with him full time. I would stay civil but I would not chat to him so much over the internet or phone unless it involves your daughter directly. It seems like he needs to cool down and you need to make it clear that these lies need to stop.
2006-11-23 00:38:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having experienced myself and spoken to many others it is always the same.
All of the nice lets sort things out conversations and all the do you need any help, whats happening,questions will all later be used as a way of getting back -
Putting you down and boosting his own injured ego.Youre a bad mother, you cant look after the children.
However amicable and nice you try to be where children and breakups are concerned it is guaranteed to turn nasty.
Keep all your personal information to yourself always.
He is obviously bitter and having been in this situation i know for a fact that any solicitor would advise him not to bother fighting for custody because it causes alot of heartache and pain and no court in the land would take a child from its mother.
If you have given access again he has no case.
He can apply for court ordered access. Solicitors make a fortune and its not worth the paper it is written on.
it becomes very hard but try to focus on whats best for your child and her needs and try to avoid conflict with him.Not easy believe me.
All to often , an injured man loses sight of what and who it is about and children are brought into the battle as weapons.
2006-11-23 01:03:05 · answer #3 · answered by gutted 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Watch what you say on messenger he's probably recording them if he thinks they can be used against you. His actions in trying to get custody are not right but are also not an excuse to not let him see his daughter. Unless you have another valid reason to believe that him seeing your daughter is putting her in danger it's probably best for every one that he continues to have visitation.
Keep a record of everything. Days you stay at your parents house. If he's late picking up or dropping off your daughter, how often he calls to talk to her etc. Establishing patterns and justifying your actions may be necessary. You should probably try to limit your communication with him to important topics like your daughter or hey I found this in my stuff and it should be yours. If you cut communication completely it could make things more difficult in the long run.
Remember it's about your daughter not the two of you when it comes to visitation and custody. Good luck.
2006-11-23 01:49:13 · answer #4 · answered by Big D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know the reason for the break up, but it sounds like it was a good idea. Now, keep that thought and stop all the chit chat. You've already figured out that he's using it against you. Stop allowing this jerk to manipulate you. When he comes to your house, don't let him in. Tell him to wait out in the car. You shouldn't even tell him that much. Give the instruction to your solicitor and let your solicitor make sure he gets the message through his solictor. (Lawyer) Take yourself out of this equation and it will go a lot smoother for you. Good luck.
2006-11-23 01:05:24 · answer #5 · answered by Firespider 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A custody split takes a lot of work; be careful not to involve the child in a battle. If you are not in counseling, go. There are FREE sessions almost everywhere. If you can't find one, visit a minister and ask for personal guidance to strengthen your character (does not have to be religon based). We all have weaknesses, it sounds as tho your ex is using your child to get to you. Not fair. Please ask him if he will go to counseling with you, not necessarily to save the union, but at the very least to save your child from some of the repercussions often suffered from a bad relationship. Parting is painful, but it doesn't have to be hateful. Life is too short to spend even a fraction of it regressing back into childish hurtful behaviors. Speak with an attorney if you are unsure about the child's living arrangement, as well as your legal options concerning ending the relationship. A child is much better off with 2 parents who love them. Try to make that your priority always. Good luck. There is help out there.
2006-11-23 00:47:56 · answer #6 · answered by Nancyjo W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There must be a reason you split up with him. Don't trust him. He has his own agenda. Sounds like you want to make "nice nice" with this guy. You don't feel comfortable being "the bad guy." Reality check: Divorce is ugly. People do all kinds of crazy stuff. Find your own solicitor. Don't talk about this man in front of your daughter. Don't talk about anything sensitive in front of her. Love your daughter and tell her her daddy loves her no matter what and that you and daddy split but she is not at fault. That is it. Anything else will be used against you.
Good luck.
2006-11-23 00:56:15 · answer #7 · answered by Jack P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
O.K so you should get in touch with your solicitor, assuming you have one. If not, find one who is not too expensive and specialises in Child Law. There are plenty around and some damned good ones. My ex and I had one of the best! (er 2)
Don't put anything in writing in case he is a rat bag in disguise but try to keep things sweet for the child, who ALWAYS comes first (remembe).
luv
2006-11-23 00:38:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is playing a very dangerous game. If you don't do something to stop this you may find out that you have lost custody of your daughter. It is to bad that ex's use their kids this way. The only one that gets hart is the kids.
2006-11-23 00:55:33 · answer #9 · answered by ranchforman57 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
May be you are not understanding what he really wanted. May be you dont want to talk to him but once have a word with him and clear the doubts for future complications. Ask him as to what he wants and reach the final decisions. Certain things can be decided outside the court more quickly than inside. Think on this......All the best.
2006-11-23 00:42:07 · answer #10 · answered by Paassion 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋