What should I do?

Question

I split from my ex in Easter this year, but then he chats to me on the phone or messenger and is all friendly then he runs off to his solicitor with malicious information about me in order to gain custody of our 4 year old daughter.

I stayed at my parents house for a week and because he couldn't get in contact with me he told his solicitor that I had moved house!

He has our daughter over night every Friday and I wasn't going to go against this arrangement, but he said that I was going to prevent him from seeing his daughter. Why is he doing this and what should I do?

Answer 1

Keep a log of all contacts between the two of you. (you can get some answer machines which will record the actual call or tape recorders that attach to your phone.)

Did your visit to your parents coincide with an access visit?

Sounds as if he wants to have some control over the situation.

You don't say did you leave him or was it mutual or did he choose to leave you? This can have a big effect on the attitude of parties regarding divorce. If he wants custody he will have been told to make you look as bad as possible otherwise he has very little chance of getting custody.

Keep all communication you have with him polite but short and to the point, unless you are hoping to get back together.

Answer 2

A child needs a strong family. A mom and a dad, but in your case, you both choose different paths in your lives. The problem is now that he doesn't want you in his child's life anymore, probably because of the 'thing' that seperated you both in the first place. And a person will do anything to make it that way. Realize that you both love your child, but now it's like giving your child to a stranger that you don't approve of(for whatever reason). Custody battles just tear a child apart from a new family every week. Just when your child gets used to dad, mom comes and it all starts again. Where did dad go? Does he love me? Why did I have to leave? Why can't they raise me together?

The child asks the same question once it's your turn to give him away. Your child see's it as that, 'giving' away every week. Why does no one love me? You both need to be adults and find out how you can both work out your diferences and have a smooth transition for the child. Cause thats whats this is all supposed to be about, you child's feelings and growth mentally. Soon the child will off on his/her own and will look back on childhood alot. What do you want him to look back and see him/herself as?

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Answer 3

if i was you then other than his access to your daughter you should try and avoid phone calls etc from him. Him being friendly one minute and then running off to his solicitor the next is just him trying to get to you and mess with your emotions. I know its a hard situation to be in but try not to let him get to you 2 much and keep your cool. i know its hard but you dont want to sink to his levels or give him any realy reason to go to his solicitor. He should know better really bcos it will start having an affect on your daughter. i hope everything works out for you :)

Answer 4

Keep conversations with him to a min,and remind him that the only discussions you will have with him will be through your solicitor.
He is playing dirty and needs to be kept at a distance, is there any way you could get someone else to pick your child up and drop her off for his visits?.
In the mean time ensure you have a solicitor that is on your side,and that will help you out with family mediation

Answer 5

This man sounds like he is a control freak, as a previous answerer said have you're calls recorded on a answer machine and use this with you're own solicitor for you're own defence, and try and have witnesses friends/relatives to support you. sounds like you are well rid of him. Good luck and have a happy christmas for you and you're daughter

Answer 6

if it does go to court just put your case across. 1 you do give him access every Friday. 2 you have never kept her from him. 3 you tell them you stayed at parents for 1 week only..4 your daughter is well cared for. any court in the land would give you custody. plus they will take your daughters wishes in the consideration GOOD LUCK

Answer 7

Log all phone calls-time,date,etc. If you do record the phone calls,you have to tell him clearly that the call is being recorded. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you will not have these games played,and for the emotional wellbeing and happiness of your daughter,the both of you will have to do all you can to get along,otherwise it will cause her distress. If he has trouble doing that,suggest family counselling. If he really loves his daughter,he will do anything to ensure her wellbeing.
It sounds to me like he has control issues and needs to learn that he has no control over you now.

Answer 8

has he actually any proof for these allegations if not then it's his word against yours, do you have any of your previous conversations recorded or on record if so these can help, if you haven't moved house then thats easy to prove that you didn't leave home. if all these allegation have been made up and you haven't got anything to hide then just try and build a case against him if thats the way he's gonna play it.

Answer 9

firstly please don't worry (hard i know but try)

it sounds like he wants to make life tough for you and make you pay for the break up of your relationship.
don't let him.
i would keep phone conversations to a minimum, speak when you have to in relation to your daughter but don't be over friendly.

did you let him know you were going to your parents on holiday?
i know you don't have to answer to him but as you have joint custody you should let him know where you are in future to stop him having any extra ammunition to chuck at you.

if you've done nothing wrong (and it sounds like you haven't) you have no need to worry.

chin up.

lol xxxxxx

Answer 10

do you have your own solicitor. tell her/him. if you dont have one get one fast. this guy needs to be taught a lesson.