i'm 53 y.o. & still trying to get along with & love my mother who is a crazy B, but she thinks i am that. biggest problem is that i have to go thru her to have a relationship with my Dad, who is my most favorite person in the world. he's 80s & hard of hearing & she takes care of him, so he doesn't want to rock the boat. 1 major is that i smoke & she says she gets physically sick from being around me with the smell of smoke on my clothes, even tho i don't smoke around her. she wants me to quick smoking, but i know that even if i do, it will be something else with her about me. i'm a good daughter & person. she has always had an issue with me because my Dad & i are close & compatible. i have lived very far away for 25 years & want to spend time with my Dad & other family while we still can, but it seems my mother tries to make it unbearable. any suggestions would be appreciated. thanks!!!
2006-11-22 16:23:19 · 11 answers · asked by eclecticmoon 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
thank you all SO MUCH! she tells me not to use ANY CHEMICALS such as fabreeze or ANYTHING ELSE because she's so allergic to everything. i think she's allergic to me & to life! she wants to totally control everything around her & she can't, so she uses ''chemicals'' as an excuse. it's a very sad situation. please help & thanks so much for all your input!!!
2006-11-22 16:56:57 · update #1
as hard as it may be just tell her " your right" it is hard to be wrong all the time when to tell the other person that they are right. carry around breeze and spray after you smoke. If your relationship with your father is important to you then being wrong with your mother wont be a big deal. telling her she is right takes the power away from her and puts it back to you,you know the difference and so does most people around you. your time is short with your father make the most of it.
2006-11-22 16:29:14 · answer #1 · answered by autumnbrookblue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd feel bad for her, but not let it punish me Anymore! She's jealous of the relationship that you have w/Dad!
The next time that she starts with the smoke thing; tell her that you could be doing a Whole Lot worse!! This is coming from an ex-smoker of almost seven months!
You'll get along okay.
2006-11-22 16:30:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
kill her with kindness... ignore her as much as you can and remember it's a jealousy thing because you are closer to him then her... try not to smoke if you can when being around her. i know it's hard i'm a smoker myself but i would do anything not to hear anyones mouth. besides we all know we shouldnt smoke. .. you'll get through it. make sure you make her feel like what you she's saying doesnt bother you. if she knows she's getting to you she may just do it more, but if she thinks it isn't working she may lay off a little. possibly noitmuch at all but something is better than nothing... good luck. remember she is your mom and no one lives on this earth forever... times with her may be hard but do you feel like it's better to be with her or without her?
2006-11-22 16:31:45 · answer #3 · answered by heclee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
basically it seem that she can never except you for you.that is a total shame that she has to come between you and your dad.can you and your dad go some where alone or hang out at your place one weekend?you are an adult and if you wish to smoke that is your buisness.if it makes her feel better spray some body spray after you smoke or change your shirt.it seems to me that she needs help dealing with her problems not you.i wouldnt try to please her cause she will never be pleased.she ust wants to bi*** about anything.have fun with your dad and dont let her get in the way of your relationship.she will not be the one losing out on memories if something happen to him,good luck and youll get through this!
2006-11-22 16:31:23 · answer #4 · answered by happy-go-lucky 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just smile sweetly and agree with her , then leave the room and do -;it your way,. what ever that is .``My dad told me that 'you will never get another person to change their mind about anything... so just thank them for their in put and when they leave , do it your way. This advice has served me well my whole life (near 60 yrs). You know how hard it is to change yourself.. then realize how impossible the task of changing someone else. Good luck.By the way, the sweet smile will drive her NUTS.
2006-11-22 18:00:14 · answer #5 · answered by territizzyb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very often,that you have love & affection for someone & you are helpless to support him.
Best way to accept the destiny & think you ar doing your own part of duty honestly.You can not be blamed for systems fault so do n't feel sorry for this.
2006-11-22 16:39:23 · answer #6 · answered by sk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is resentful of your relationship with your father. She would like for you to have the same bond you have with your father. She will remain jealous until your father departs this earth.
Also, she is right about your smoking; you should stop for your own sake not hers. All smokers' clothing have a stale smoke odor, there is nothing you can do about it.
2006-11-22 16:39:06 · answer #7 · answered by HSB 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Keep a small spray bottle of Febreeze in your car and use it before you go into the house.
Smile and nod. Don't be rude. Greet her and then politely excuse yourself to spend time with your dad.
2006-11-22 16:33:08 · answer #8 · answered by Teresa V 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my favorite thing to do to shut someone up is sarcastically but subtly telling them that they are right. every statement they make or smart remark...just say "you're right" "yup", "yeah"
for some reason, when a person is trying to be a pain in the a $ $, positive answer usually pisses them off more, but it shuts them up because there is nothing more to say.
2006-11-22 16:47:19 · answer #9 · answered by goldie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
According to the "mother clause" section B part A" she will always be right. Ignore her, your father needs you, be there for him.
2006-11-22 18:18:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋