Dealing with Depression?

Question

I should be really happy. I just graduated from college in May (1st in the family), have a great boyfriend, moved away from Oklahoma to New York, got myself a fat, lazy cat (that's asleep on the couch right now), but that's it, I'm not.

I love my bf, but I left my family behind. I like it here, but something is wrong with me. I was on antidepressants from age 16-19 (I'm 24 now) because of my depression, but the only reason I got them then was because the state paid for it (my mom never took us to doctors, I was the one who spoke to a school councelor because I had developed an eating disorder as well).

So, I SHOULD be happy. I don't want to move back to Oklahoma. I don't think that's the answer. I also lost the temp to perm job I had in the city bc they said I wasn't enthusiastic enough on the phone. So now, I'm looking for another job. I feel useless and worthless and I have mood swings ALL the time (like I'll start crying for no reason)...

and God forbid I get into crowds with strangers. I freak out, although I try to hide it. I'm afraid to even go into bars. When you combine the loud noise and the crowds of people, I start to get anxious and feel like I'm going to panic. I'm naturally a shy person, but I never noticed the panic thing (then again, I never went to bars in OK... not really my thing anyways... if I go now, it's to get my bf).

So, since I don't have a job right now, I don't have health insurance and because I don't have health insurance, I can't go to the doctor to get on antidepressants again like I need to. I know I'm not just having some "blues" day because this has lasted for months. How can I beat this when I can't afford to go to the doc?

Answer 1

you sound alot like me. i should be very happy to, i have a great job, a great family, im in school, but at the end of the day when you get home you realize you have this pain in your stomach that wont go away and it makes you feel useless, like no one wants you stuff like that. makes you not want to do everyday things. am i right? i dont have any insurance either, but i took my last checkstub to the doctor and they based my bill on my income, it makes it alot cheaper. i dont know if they do it where you live, but just ask, anyone can do it. i am on prozac, i was on straterra but that made me want to kill myself. when you go to the doctor he may prescribe you something different but if you tell him you had a eating disorder prozac is probaly what they will give you. i hope you feel better. just dont think about it. try to destract yourself from it.

Answer 2

Make up your mind that you are not going to let this depression get the best of you. Only you can do that. Get out, do things that used to make you happy. Look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself how much you like yourself and think about all the good qualities you have. You sound like a very smart person, but the holidays are here and you have your boyfriend, but not your family. It is always hard to make the break from family, but honey, everything will work out for you. I promise you things will get better. As soon as you can, go to a Dr. and get some help.
I don't know how religious you are, but I believe that God will help us if we need it, so pray and ask God for help. He said that he would never forsake you, so always remember that. I will be praying for you. You can never have too many prayer. God Bless...

Answer 3

You're going through a period of adjustment and you're not appreciating what you've been through. After graduation, it's normal to feel empty and out of whack until you land that great job that will put your life on track. You have reason to cry! You're in a strange city, you lost your job, you don't want to go back and yet NY is not what you thought it would be. So deal with the losses - family, college life, your social life in OK and start being honest with yourself. What's it going to take to make you happy? We live in a dream world when we're in college and looking for a job is unbelievably ego-deflating but if you can visualize what you want for yourself in NY and take baby steps every day and set a date - like 6 months from now - to find it and make it work for you and give yourself permission to go home if you don't find it....Anyway, all I'm trying to say is, if you realize this is a really hard time in your life and you face it head on, you might surprise yourself at how amazing you are and how tough and resourceful you are that you actually got through this. Everybody goes through this after college. Don't let your fear get the best of you and be strong and expect good things to come your way with perseverence. I'm going to pray that you make the right choice and that you find what you're looking for.

Answer 4

At some point you were bored with life! You need good friends, not just friends, but good friends! You need to listen to good music, read some good books! Travel a bit, see for yourself that there are people who have so much burden on hand, still not depressed but cheerful! It's a matter of relationships -- you on one side and the whole world on the other! make that relationship good, worthwhile! drive away the blues, get back to your happy days, cheerful days! You need to be your own good friend, to begin with!

Answer 5

I myself have to deal daily with depression. I sent myself to a hospital for incare treatment for my depression. I was put on medication (paxil and depakote). But to me, the medicine is just a way to coverup my sickness. It only makes it easier to deal with it, it doesnt cure it. Only I can cure it. Just the same with you, only you can change it and cure the problem. And it doesnt cost one single penny. You have to make up your mind to fight and come out on top or just sit idley by and watch your life fall apart day by day. The choice is yours, no amount of medicine or therapy will help you without....WILLPOWER. Good luck.

Answer 6

I would suggest talking to a psychiatrist or a psychologist. You might have clinical depression that you need some pills for