We are always close, then he gets these girlfriends who never work out. For three months we disconnect and I try to move on and then he comes right back. I feel like he uses me because he knows I will be there. We don't have physical relationship and we have been friends for 4 years. I suspect he has feelings for me that he doesn't want to own.
2006-11-22 15:41:36 · 16 answers · asked by shuntae28 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Learned this one the hard way myself. Men will deny it, but straight men have an extremely difficult time being just friends with girls. That doesn't mean they won't hang around you and act like a buddy, but nine times out of 9.2, they will be secretly wishing you were their girlfriend. When they find someone they think can take your place, they temporarily ditch you, only to return when things don't work out.
It sucks. Try to find some good girl friends, and one special guy.
2006-11-22 15:46:23 · answer #1 · answered by all1g8r 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, there seems to be more than one issue here. You said that you suspect that he has feelings for you. Do you have feelings for him? If so, it would be good to address this with him when he isn't with another woman.
If you don't have those kinds of feelings for him, I think you need to have a talk about still seeing him regularly etc while he is dating someone else. If he doesn't keep up contact after that, then you certainly have the right to be angry and reconsider the friendship. When people have new relationships it's natural that they see their other friends a little less, especially at first, but they shouldn't totally disconnect. Hope everything works out really well for you.
2006-11-22 15:46:25 · answer #2 · answered by cotopaximary 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suspect he has feelings for me that he doesn't want to own.>>
I hope you're willing to consider an alternate perspective on this....
It seems as if this is the defining statement of how you're feeling about this. You know that he's using you for something, you just don't know exactly why. From what you've stated I would absolutely agree he has crossed some boundaries with you; it seems like he has access to your emotional support even though you have an objection to it. You may like his friendship, but it seems you might be confused about what it all means.
I am a firm believer from my experiences that men will let a women know through some kind of communication (which can vary!) if they are interested. Usually you can judge the value of how he feels about you by actions that have happened so far. If you feel this is how you wanted to be treated in a relationship, and if you can accept how it is now (because that's the best predictor in what will happen in the future :) I would think you could continue to ponder the future of your relationship. Otherwise you might be hoping for something that isn't possible. If you are daydreaming about this I think that might mean you are not grounded in physical reality, maybe just one the lies within your imagination and passions. You, of course, deserve to have the kind of love you dream of. Every woman does, and she may just get that. I am married to a wonderful man and most of the daydreaming happened after he was wonderful in his way around me and to me. Then you think about what's transpired, not what you imagine may transpire, haha...This is the respect and love I think is the best kind!
He may have feelings for you, why not just ask him?
2006-11-22 16:53:57 · answer #3 · answered by DanaZ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think maybe you are right and he wants to play the field and when it strikes out he comes back to you because you let him, try not being there next time, make him see that you are not going to be there to pick him up and if he really has feelings for you maybe then he will ealize them and if he doesnt have feeling than you owe it to yourself to move on
2006-11-22 15:44:27 · answer #4 · answered by worriedmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might be because, deep down, at a level you're not ready to admit yet, you wish that YOU were the one in the relationship with him. In short: You're a little bit jealous.
Welcome to humanity.
2006-11-22 15:43:33 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Set boundaries to your friendship/relationship with him. If he can't be there as a friend when he is in a relationship, then he shouldn't be around at all... like you said he only does what you allow him to do....
2006-11-22 15:44:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be that you dont feel comfortable with him dating other girls because you like him. maube you should try to figure out if you like and then you should tell him how you truely feel about him then see how ya'll work out
2006-11-22 15:46:25 · answer #7 · answered by sexyjsw 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you take the relationship to be more than it is. If so, that isn't the guy's fault.
2006-11-22 15:43:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're secretly in love with someone who views you as just a friend........!ummmmm... I don't know what to say besides....please stop... you're just hurting yourself, and are on the way to ruin a good friendship!
2006-11-22 15:46:15 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately i dont like to admit it...but i like attention...and when my guy friend likes another girl i get jealous that she gets more attention. thats the way i feel...good luck
2006-11-22 15:47:16 · answer #10 · answered by BEE . 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋