People's reactions to children's tantrums?!??!?

Question

Ok, I know its not a pleasant sight or sound when you see a child screaming at the top of their lungs taking a tantrum. The best resolution? Take the screaming child outside, right? You don't want to hear it, and the parents sure don't want you to either. My daughter had a mega blowout today in wal mart, and we did the proper thing...we took her out to the car and went home. Why do people stare at you like you have a screaming alien in your arms? I got so many bad stares, mumbles, and it made me even more upset these people were judging me! Anyone ever have the same situation? I would really love input on parents and those without children. Was I wrong to take her outside? I know I shouldn't let others stares bother me, but for some reason tonight it did.

wow, so much great advice! Bravo to all of you. If I could give you all who gave good advice (which is 90% of you who answered), 10 points for best answer, I would! Thanks for feeling for me! BTW, My daughter is 4...and she got a swat on her behind AND a lecturing in the car!!

Answer 1

I don't have children. So my comments should be taken with a grain of salt. That said, I understand that parents can't control everything their child does. In addition, I understand that most parents are amateurs. That is to say, most parents don't automatically react in the best possible way to make the "viewing public" the most comfortable possible. It's ridiculous to think they would do so.

When I'm in a lousy mood, I don't want to listen to children screaming. I don't want to be trapped on a plane with an inconsolable infant or toddler. Who does? But any adult should know that these things are just part of life. It's not the parents' fault, it's not the kids fault, it's just part of the child growing up. The parent of that inconsolable toddler doesn't like it any more than I do. And for that matter, neither does the toddler.

I think you did the right thing. You removed the child from the situation in which s/he was bothering other people. Most parents are not that considerate. It's unfortunate that you are made to feel inferior by those who have no experience with parenting. Or anyone, for that matter.

Mostly, I love kids in public. Don't mind them being noisy and acting like kids in restaurants, enjoy them on the bus, and so forth. Seriously, anyone who doesn't needs to learn to relax. You and your child have a right to be wherever you are. It's not always pleasant to be the bystander in a tantrum situation, but that's life!

Answer 2

You did the absolute right thing here. Many times a child will have a tantrum in a store because they think you won't take the time to stop and discipline them. You showed her you were willing to stop what you were doing to deal with her. She didn't win any battle here. She needs to know you'll react immediately. Kids throw tantrums to get what they want. You showed her that not only wasn't she getting what she wanted you but you were going to deal with her right then and there regardless of what you were doing. Good for you!

I don't know how old your child is but I see that some people have suggested things like adding a minute of time out for every minute you're inconvenienced or embarassed. That is ridiculous. When is the time out going to be given? If you are dealing with a young child then the consequences need to be swift and immediate or they do not make the connection. So, waiting until you get home from the store to give her a time out is not going to work. It isn't fair to her and it is pretty much futile. She wouldn't make the connection.

I like the parent who said they just stood there and watched their child have a tantrum. That can sometimes work too. The child realizes you aren't going to react and sometimes they realize how ridiculous they look. When they realize they aren't getting their way and they you aren't going to react then they'll stop.

My kids know I'll just walk right out of a store if they throw a fit. I've made it clear that shopping isn't that important and is always something I can do later. So, if they throw a fit we'll leave. They long ago realized that throwing a fit doesn't work. They don't get what they want. They are 3 & 6 and I don't have a problem with them in public. And I don't care what other people think. I won't give into my child just to shut them up. That only creates bigger problems down the road.

Answer 3

You did absolutely the right thing. Once when my son was 2 we had front row seats at a Postman Pat concert (do you know who he is? Hes big in Australia) Anyway, he wanted to go onstage to pat the (robot) cat. I had to keep pulling him off the stage. Well, a bigger tantrum you have never seen! Kicking, screaming, pretty much frothing at the mouth. We had to leave! I had to walk past every single row of people with this child acting possessed. I too got the murmuring and stares (but probally worse coz he was interrupting the concert!) Also I was 9 months pregnant at the time and could only waddle. So it was really difficult climbing those stairs!
Hopefully the people who were staring at you, were thinking sympathetic thoughts coz all parents have been there! And if they say they havent - dont believe 'em!
You were right to take her outside. You taught her that her behaviour was not acceptable AND you removed her from the source of her frustration. Bravo to you.
I also want to let you know that even though my son was the 2year old from hell, I now have the most placid, friendly and intelligent 8 year old. His reports from school are glowing. He is in the academic extension classes. And I am just so proud of him! So if anyone who is reading this was at that concert, let me tell you ; He Grew Out Of It!!! And your daughter will too. Enjoy!

Answer 4

My son freaked out at the shopping mall today and i ignored him while he did this. Children act like this for attention. They think they can get away with it in a mall around a lot of people. They get over whelmed by all the toys and candy and people. I think it's to bad you had to leave the store because of your child's reaction. You didn't finish your shopping. This may become a problem every time if you leave when your child reacts this way. Your child will know they will get to leave If they act badly. Children are so smart. You need to lay it down and tell them you are shopping they need to behave and If they do once your shopping's finished they may have a treat. No treat If they behave badly. MY SON GOT NO TREAT TODAY. Other parents understand. Every parent has dealt with this issue. Don't worry about peoples reactions, they are strangers. It does not matter.

Answer 5

I don't have any kids yet (i soon will), but I do have a brother that's 8 years younger, and he very rarely acted up in public. Maybe when he was 2 or 3, but my brother and I never acted up in public. It only takes one good trip to the car, and a spanking for us to stop acting like that. I personally don't stare at parents when their kid is having a tantrum b/c its not my business, and I know its hard enough to try and control a screaming child with a crowd around. Just ignore the people and do what you need to do. And if a child is younger than 4, a tantrum is totally expected and understandable, but after that age they need to start learning how to act in public. I'm telling you though...the trip to the car/spanking is quite effective. I never acted up in a store after my mom took me to the car for the first time.

Answer 6

My oldest when he was 1 y/o he had the laying on the floor tantrum at the front of the grocery part of Walmart. My husband stood there keeping an eye for safety purposes. I continued on the shopping. We had a lot of people laughing at us and how we were handling it!!! My son finally realized he wasn't getting anywhere, stood up and wiped his eyes. My husband asked if he was going to hold is hand, anthony nodded and they found me 3 lanes over. Fits don't bother me at all. Depends on the individuals. Usually the only people that have a problem are individuals without children. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't reward or punish the bad behavior. Also depends on the kind of fit...if she hurts herself or is destructive. A lot of parenting classes educate that removing your child as a way to curb tantrums and that this is a positive reinforcement. The only problem I have is a parent not sticking to their guns--they told the child no candy, the child got tantrum and the parents gave them the candy!!!

Answer 7

what makes you believe people are mumbling and judging you negatively because you are properly handling your child's tantrum?

Often times people are simply looking in your direction because your child is flipping out. Sometimes I look because I want to make sure the child isn't being abused but as far as 'bad stares' 'mumbles' etc. I believe half of it is in your mind because you are highly embarrassed over your child's behavior.

try to get over it. The whole thing lasts 5 minutes in the store before you leave and who really cares what other people think in a matter of 5 minutes if you are handling the situation properly? Breath...

Answer 8

THat's what I would have done, even though my son is only 9.5 months, when/if he starts doing that, he will soon learn that acting like that in the store is not the way to get what he wants, so party's over. Maybe they thought you were kidnapping her ? You know how strangers always think the worst. If your child was old enough to understand what you were saying, you could have lectured her in the car, then resumed shopping if she behaved and leave if she starts up again ? Like I said, I don't have that problem yet, so not even sure if that would work.

Answer 9

they stare because they think you're a bad parent since your child is behaving badly, and you don't have any control over your child because if you did, your child wouldn't be such a disruption in public.

children aren't by any means stupid...they know in their way how to control situations, and a temper tantrum is a sure fire way to get your attention as well as the attention of others. it likely doesn't register with them that you're getting those ugly stares.

my questions are what happens after you take the child outside. does the tantrum stop, is there a punishment, or do you just not do or say anything?

Answer 10

You were right to take her outside, and you know what she's a kid and she is going to scream for no reason! They shouldn't judge you. When I see peoples kids throwing a tantrum I always just keep on shopping and don't blink in eye about it.We do the same things with our kids, say if they want something and we say no and they carry on we leave, when the customers look at me and mumble I say well not all of us believe in muzzling our children like you must do and walk away.That usually leaves them with there jaws dropped!