PLEASE HELP!!! punishment for a 7yr old?

Question

My boyfriends son (7yrs old) is a monster at school. We only have him on the weekends and he is with his mother the rest of the week and she is a real bad parent. how do we dicipline him while he is with us and make it effective even though his mother wont help? I have a 3yr old girl and im affraid that she will learn his behavior if we dont correct it but im also affraid that if we dont dicipline him right then we will get a negative outcome......!!!! PLEASE HELP

Answer 1

i have a soon to be step son (6 yrs old). i made flash cards of all the sight words he has to know by the end of they year in his class. i make him recite them to me or to his dad.

when he gets a little too excited, i remain calm instead of showing frustration and speak to him calmly, but demanding. i dont let him boss me around or make me feel like im not the adult in the house.

sometimes i use a lil bit of reverse psychology on him. when he wants to help me do something that i dont really need him to help on, i have him pick up the living room or his toys. i dont want him to think i dont want his help or dont want him around so i try to find something else that will make him involved.

putting the dvds in alphabetical order

writing sentences (i.e. i will not___)

reading a book

make him stay in his room to think about why he is being punished. he has to be able to tell me what he did wrong and what would be the right way to do something or say something

chores around the house

as long as youre also communicating with your son as to why youre punishing, i think that it will help him understand what is expected of him and what the consequences are for not following through. also talk with your husband and come up with a few punishments together and see if they work out.

you should let the ex know that you and your husband are implementing punishment and is not rewarding bad behavior and that as a parent she should help enforce this for the better of the child.

goodluck. hang in there. be creative.

Answer 2

My 7yr old step-daughter is like that sometimes. She used to be like that all the time and then she just quit. I'd usually put her in the corner standing up for about 30 minutes and would add on 30 for every fit in the corner, movement in the corner(kicking, scratching,etc.) and on top of that no TV.

Hubby and I give her 2 hours of TV time a day after that she has to earn more by being good and not getting in trouble. If she got in trouble the 2 hours are taken away and she'll have to earn it back. Being good for 1 hour bought her 15 minutes of TV time back. That also goes for if she wanted something we'd make a chart and make her earn whatever she wanted by doing her chores and being good. That got her good marks and after so many she would get what she wanted.

Best thing for the boy your b/f has is if the mother isn't being an actual mother to him you two should try for full custody to where you all have him during the weeks and the mother have him every other weekend. There's nothing worse than letting the bad parent have control over how the child is 90% of the time. If that continues, no amount of effort will do anything for the young boy. Change of custody is the best action to take.

Answer 3

That is a tough situation. Does your bf believe he deserves to be punished as well? And, will he be willing to do it?

I would set up a parent/teacher conference and work with her to set up goals that you all agree on. He has to earn TV or Video Game or Computer Time at your house on the weekends. So, at the end of the week she can send home, call, or email his dad (NOT MOM) and let you know how many days he earned a star, or whatever.

So, for example, for each star earned he gets 1/2 hour of something fun. He can choose when he uses his 1/2 hour because he already earned that....don't take away what he has already earned. Over time if you are all consistent, he will earn more and more. If you give in to him and let him have more or not let him have his time because of behavior issues at home it will not be effective.

Does this make sense?

What his mom does during the week also will not affect your reward system either.

For bad behavior at home you can solve that when it happens. Set up some house rules. Certain unacceptable behaviors and have them visible. If he breaks a rule then he immediately has to go to time out. At 7 he is NOT too big for a time out chair or corner. He has to sit in the chair for 7 minutes without throwing a fit and then he gets to try again. If he does another he will go straight to the chair until he sits quietly for 7 minutes. This may take a month of weekends from hell but eventually you'll have the respect from him you deserve.

Be sure to have the same rules, only age appropriate for his little sister as well. At 4 she should be able to pretty much have the same expectations.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I have a 7 year old niece, she has probably the same issues if not close. She acts out, tells me that she hates me and wishes I would die. I treat her exactly the same as the other kids (I have 3 of my own). She is not given the special treats that everyone else has as long as she is acting out. Do not give him any attention, with the exception of basic needs. Talk to your daughter, tell her that he’s being a difficult child. Be honest with her. But do not call his mom a bad mom to him or her. If you have to say what I say to my daughter, some people are good at baseball and some people aren’t, it’s the same with being a mommy and daddy some people just aren’t good at it. Another possibility is to do family counseling with him. Talk to him ask him why he’s acting so badly, if your relationship isn’t so good then possibly leave that up to your boyfriend. How long have you been with your boyfriend? That could play a role in his behavior as well, if it’s a new relationship or fairly new he might not be used to it yet. Try to make sure that he has "his" time with his dad where you and your daughter are not part of that time. Make him know that he’s still important to his father. Wow this was very long but I hope that I was able to help you some. Again if nothing else look into family therapy, approach that as the whole family needs to learn how to come together. Don’t put it all on his shoulders or he will pull away even farther.

Answer 5

I would be more proactive and give the boy responsibilities as a member of the family. Be stern. Be insistent. Don't give him a choice in the matter that he is going to be a productive member of the household while he is with you or else he doesn't get the benefits either (such as desserts, choosing tv programs etc).

So emphasis on social integration as an accepted member of the family and less emphasis on his failure and his punishments (which are actually his mom's failures so it only makes sense to circumvent punishing him where possible).

It sounds like his mom and his teachers etc have low expectations of him, so he's going to live up to those low expectations. Changing this situation requires very structured authoritative parenting.

Answer 6

sit him down and tell him that while he is in your home that he is to follow the rules of the house set out by you and his father. when he misbehaves then a suited punishment will follow. When he is good then a suited reward will follow. Explain to him that you know that you are not his real mom but that you can still love him as your own. If you feel that it would be better coming from his dad then get him to say it but be there so that he knows you care just as much as his father. Let him know that while he is at your home he is the big brother and he needs to show the little one how a BIG BOY behaves. Maybe all he needs is to be shown that he is important in all of your lives no matter where he is.

Answer 7

I reccomend the death penalty (for the mother).

The 7 year old has to have specific rules of behavior and specific punishments.
Some children respond well to time outs, others need a swat.
Not knowing your situation, the most effective punishment is one that the child really hates.
If he knows that he will have a distasteful punishment for specific behavior, he is much less likely to do it.
And it has to be consistent.
Tell him, I don't care what happens at the other house. At THIS house, this will happen, every time you act up. Then do it.

Answer 8

You CANNOT give into his behavior. It's obvious that he wants attention and he's not getting it from one source. If you put him in a corner, make sure that you don't talk to him unless it is time for him to come out. DON'T reward his behavior by constantly bringing it up in front of him or babying him when he's misbehaving. Recent research has proven that most kids are "monsters" at school because they're just bored. Maybe he's also bored. You should/ his mother should put him in activities that will discipline him like karate, soccor, football, basketball, etc.

Answer 9

All you can do is set realistic rules and guidelines in your house and encourage him to respect them. It wont be easy. Every time he comes it will be like starting over and he may even start to settle when its time for him to go back to his mums. (typical)! By setting these rules and letting him know when you both aren't happy with behavior you are helping him to learn boundaries and respect. It doesn't sound like he is learning this at home. Although, raising a boy of this age as a single mum isn't that easy.
Good Luck :o)

Answer 10

awwww, poor little boy. This is so sad. Being tossed back and forth like that and he probably doesn't feel like either parent wants him. I cannot believe that one of these people told you not to pay him any attention at all except for his basic needs. That is what he NEEDS. He needs somebody to just love him and make him feel wanted and loved. I know it's hard to deal with him because of his behavior, but please try to understand WHY he might be acting like that. He's only 7, he doesn't know how to deal with things in an adult manner. Good luck. I hope things work out.