My best friend is a black male.He has a child by a white woman. The white woman is married. Her husband has two kids from previous marriage and they made two together. My friend's daughter is the oldest out of the four kids. She's bi racial and the rest are caucaisen, although she could pass as one.Now my best friend wasn't around his daughter on a consistent basis as she grew. She's 11 years old.The stepdad is a very nice guy and treats her as his own.Now here's the problem, My Black friend doesnt see his daughter on a consistent basis,and sometimes break promises to his daughter but alwas buys her what ever. I know he loves her but I think he is loosing his daughter.She never call him anymore. How can they build better relationship? He doesn't have a car at the moment and uses that as an excuse to not seeing her. She knows him as dad but something is right... Help my friend please
2006-11-22 11:50:41 · 9 answers · asked by from your dreams 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Why are you trying to fix something that your friend obviously doesn't care about. If she has a good home life with her mom and step dad I say leave well enough alone. I'm not sure exactly why you needed to bring up color...what bearing does it have on this situation other than to stereotype that black men produce children that they don't take care of? The daughter sounds like she is probably fine and it's up to your friend to spend time with her, not just trying to buy her love.
2006-11-22 12:39:38 · answer #1 · answered by creative rae 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What I say here will hurt, but I don't say it to be mean. The only way I can help your friend & his daughter is to tell you to butt out for the good of everyone involved, especially yourself. It is none of your business (or mine) You can't change either of them or what they will do. You will only drive yourself nuts trying. When things go wrong, you will be chosen as the scapegoat. I speak from my experience of playing God in other's lives. It does not work. The pay sucks, the hours are atrocious, & the grief is almost unbearable.
You suspect his love is conditional. You know he is self centered & uses people. You are aware of his dishonesty when making excuses. He gives "stuff" out of guilt, using it as a bribe to get what he wants. I believe you have never told him any of this. What you need to discover is a way to stop being used. The pain of staying in the same rut only gets worse without help. We are self delusional, thus we can't fix ourselves. Whether professional or support group, we need other people to help us see how we sabotage our own efforts. We do get better. If stubborn old me can, so can you. Give yourself a break & do what you know you need to do.. Most of us here care & support you. I wish you the best.
2006-11-22 22:19:20 · answer #2 · answered by bob h 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't mean to be rude but for gods sake this guy needs to stand up for responsbility. I have my three year old neiece in my care. At first i thought my brother was a good dad until i got to really see what he was like with his daughter.
I have found that this is his way of making himself look good. However this person needs to do what is best for his child he needs to make a decision wether or not he wants to be in this childs life or not. once he has made that desicion stick to it for his childs sake
2006-11-22 20:41:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I'm sorry about that. It's really sad. Me and my dad are always together and have a horrible relationship because we are too much alike. I think he needs to stop just buying her things, because she will only talk to him when she wants things. That is how it ends up. Well, usually. I would suggest he take her bike riding, or maybe just to the park to walk around and talk. EVEN BETTER, they should plan a movie night and stay home one evening and just watch movies together, preferably funny movies to give off a good mood, and just hang out together and laugh. I really hope things work out! Good luck.. ~*Mo
2006-11-22 20:46:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first things first. The obvious thing is to QUIT BREAKING PROMISES!!! Why does he have to break promises. He's gotta know that is going to lead to know where.
The car thing is hard, but does he have a mom, sister, brother, friend whom wouldn't mind lending him their vehicle so he can make visits??
Since he hasn't been in her life that much, he should start by trying to be her friend for a while. Just get to know her as a person. He really can't step in acting like he's going to raise her all over again and making any demands like a father should be able to do, but just start slow.
And I must reiterate.............QUIT BREAKING THE PROMISES!!!
That can kill any efforts he tries to make to be a part of her life.
2006-11-22 20:46:58 · answer #5 · answered by msjuliet2005 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it should matter who is black or Caucasian. The fact is he should be calling and spending time with his daughter and if he is not willing to take the step to do that , then he shall suffer from his own doing. I would not call him either. He needs to start acting like a father.
2006-11-22 20:42:26 · answer #6 · answered by lepluver 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend should not put exscuses in the way of seeing his daughter
2006-11-22 20:41:20 · answer #7 · answered by ms. cutie03 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the only solution is for them to be together as much as possible
or when they are it should be what is known as quality time
2006-11-22 20:39:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
they are a lost cause
2006-11-22 20:39:35 · answer #9 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋