How to stop a child from 'stealing' things?

Question

My daughter (8-11) has started snatching things from relatives' houses, small toys etc. that belong to her cousins. She knows that taking things that belong to others is wrong and unacceptable, yet she hides them from us. She has done it several times and we're not sure how to confront her. Please note that we provide everything for her, you might even consider her to be spoiled (not a brat) but I know it's not greed that drives her to perform such actions, since all she has to do is ask if she wanted anything. We've found the simplest things in her stash from stickers to cards to plastic toys. I've had her older sister talk to her, but now she is even more careful when hiding the items. She is very shy, but has friends at school. What could it be? How do you prevent such behavior? And should I take her to a specialist?

Answer 1

Make her take an item back to someone and explain that she took it. A little embarassment might stop her from doing it. When I was 7 I took a pack of gum from a store. My dad drove back to the store and made me take it to the desk and tell them what I did. I was mortified, and I NEVER did it again.

Answer 2

You definitley need to nip this in the bud before she start stealing larger and more expensive items.
When my parents caught me taking a piece of candy from the Brach's Pick-A-Mix display as a child, we went to the register, my parents paid for the candy, then I was told to spit it out so it would be thrown away. My suggestion isthat when you find her stash, take her back to the relative and make her apologize and give it back.
You might want to discuss her behavior with her pediatrician. It's possible that she has a mental disorder, like kleptomania, where she can't stop herslf from stealing.

Answer 3

It is most likely a phase. Don't over-react is the first important thing to remember, but you should definitely enforce your beliefs that stealing is wrong. Don't be afraid to confront her. By not doing so what are you saying to her? Why are you allowing her to believe she is getting away with this? Confront her and make her take back the items and confess to taking them. Be strong, you are not doing anything wrong by making her face the concequences of her actions. Don't allow her to make you feel guilty for the embarassment she may feel over having to face up to her wrong doings. Be consistent in your enforcement and don't back down. Talk to her about why she is doing this, but if she does not immediately have an answer don't pressure for one because she might not know why she does this well enough to put it into words. Then again it might just be an attempt to get attention for some reason or another. Kids are kids and they will do things like this. it's normal, but it is your job to provide quality guidance when they stray down the wrong path. If you choose to ignore this behavior now you will be missing one of those good parenting moments and what happens later if you do nothing and she graduates on to taking something major, or gets caught shoplifting? Then you will be blaming yourself for not biting the bullet and bringing her face to face with reality before it got to that point. Sometimes good parenting involves tough love. It isn't always easy to do these necessary things, but it is your job and will set the precidence for her to learn to lead a life of integrity.

Answer 4

I continually thought that it substitute into damaging for oldsters to value their young ones for lease, I propose isn't a parent meant to be there for their toddler no remember what? i could say if she is working then possibly you should ask her to pay for her very own entertainment, purchase lots of the food she eats often, gasoline, automobile charge or coverage. possibly cook dinner once or twice a week. I understand you wanting her to be arranged for the real international, its a valid venture. yet I say that as long as you should help her, do it. fairly if she is an entire time student. you choose for her to get with the aid of college without further stress so she would be able to get a stable job and look after herself interior the destiny. In that destiny, she could be looking after you!

Answer 5

I assure you that a pattern of stealing is a sign of something far more significant than greed. And there is a good chance if she steals that she is doing her share of lying as well. As a rule, children who are secure and happy don't do these things. Moreover, 8-11 year olds are utterly incapable of the sort of self-awareness that would enable them to assess what is bothering them. For that matter, most adults don't have that kind of self-awareness.

Your job is to figure out the problem. A good child therapist would be an excellent start. Ask around and interview several before you take her to one though. You don't want to hit a dud, then have to start over with someone new if its not absolutely necessary.

As to the immediate problem of stealing, you simply have to make it difficult to impossible for her to do. This means searching her pockets/hiding places whenever she has been someplace that she had even the remotest opportunity to take anything. The cleaner her room is, the less chance for her to hide things. Moreover, do not assume that because Aunt Sally has nothing Little Jenny wants that she isn't going to take anything.

That said, when you find her with stolen things I would not lecture or punish. I would take her with me to return the item, but I would not force any sort of confession. Whatever you do, don't help her hide the fact that she's been stealing. Treat it matter of factly. In private, explain to her that its important to you that she not have a chance to take anything; that it is bad for her to be able to get away with that; and that it is your job to do your best to make sure this sort of thing doesn't happen. I think taking her things is a lousy idea.

In addition to searching her, I would remove temptation as much as possible. This may mean having people come to your house rather than the other way around. Or having her play in your presence. Yes this an inconvenience, but it is nothing compared to having a child that steals.

You don't mention much about your child, but hobbies and sports can do wonders to focus your child on positive things--particularly sports and hobbies that don't require a lot of parental involvement, things she can do on her own and become proficient in.

Finally, if it seems there is a need for punishment, have her join you doing something. The best advice I ever got was not to send my son to his room but to keep him with me. Idle (unsupervised) hands being the devil's playground and such.

And one other thing--you indicate that you provide everything for her and all she has to do to get something is ask. It's hard when there are no obvious reasons to say "no," but kids appreciate things more when they have to work--or at least wait-- for them.

I hope you have a good holiday.

Answer 6

Have you tried spanking? My girls (3, 7, and 10) would be spanked for stealing. This is one of our core rules. If one of our core rules is broken, then spanking is the consequence. This is the way of the world. Misdeeds (stealing)=Consequences. When they are 12 or under, I'd try a good old fashioned spanking first, before seeing a specialist

Answer 7

i don't know why she does it but i know how to stop it.When you find some thing she has stolen make her give it back to the owner and apologize.this will make her embarrassed and she shouldn't do it again if she does again do the same thing but this time make her give her favorite toy to that person as an apology gift but don't go by her the same new toy you have to fallow through with your punishment what ever you might want to do.

Answer 8

Clearly your daughter is a spoiled brat... shes prolly so spoiled she doesnt care whos it is because all she cares bout is getting what she wants... and she hides it cuz she knows its wrong... or else shes doing it for the thrill... you could try punishing her... since it sounds like you havent tried that yet... like maybe ground her?

Answer 9

I would talk to her and if that doesn't work then I would tell her that I am gonna call the police and see if that doesn't scare her into stopping.But if it continues I would take her to the police station and tell her she's gonna go to jail. And if that doesn't work then I would take her to a doctor because it then could be a mental thing. You don't really have to turn her in....all you want to do is scare her. GOOD LUCK!!!!

Answer 10

First thing to do is make her take the stuff back to whom ever she stole it from and give it back and apologies to them. This should put a stop to it cause it will embarrass her so much. Then if this doesn't help, GET HER HELP... Good luck.