He knew his wife had an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone. He went to a sex shop and was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special.
The old man behind the counter said, "We have vibrating dildo, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except …
well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but The "Voodoo Penis."
"So what's that he asked.
The old man pulled out a wooden box, he opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door."
The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle.
Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!"
The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiet once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!"
The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping.
After three mind- shattering orgasms, she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied,
"Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ***."
2006-11-22 10:23:06 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
You should get ten points just for typing that joke, which by the way was extremely good. I thought I had heard all of them at my age but that is a new one on me. Thanks for the laugh
keep on posting;)
2006-11-22 11:10:05 · answer #1 · answered by vanburger 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if it looks like a duck sounds like a duck and feels like a duck than it is a duck. You know the answer to this question. why not see if you can go down with her for the night time enjoyment to rekindle your romance? Or maybe ask if you could take her away after she gets back for a romantic weekend? Her behaviour while away may change if you get out romantic escapes and show her. suggest you see a sex therapist not marriage counselling. they will get to where you need to go quickly and subtly. women will wear a rundown marriage longer than a husband because by the time a husband has noticed his ignorance is far too late. I think she is having an affair. I know full well that personal hygeine and waxing is not done for oneself. it is there for the sexiness and exotic feel of it. think you need to discuss this with her and ask her whether she wants to get a divorce. She won't see the calmness coming and will become defensive but if you stay calm and tell her you love her but don't deserve to be played around behind your back without being allowed to do the same? maybe she will give you permission to play around also?
2016-05-22 19:09:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It made me chuckle, least she was free from the thing! Good luck to the officer......
2006-11-22 10:29:23 · answer #3 · answered by flower 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never heard that before and I actually did LMFAO!!! Thank you!! ☺
2006-11-22 10:28:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Long but good.
2006-11-22 10:36:00 · answer #5 · answered by B i n g o 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HAHAHAHAH THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING IVE HEARD IN A WHILE
2006-11-22 10:32:23 · answer #6 · answered by roarxximadinosaur 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
voodoo penis bush'es ****
2006-11-22 10:27:47 · answer #7 · answered by ciaran_m_o 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yawn yawn yawn zzzzzzzzzzz sorry fell asleep halway through reading that!
2006-11-22 10:25:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
o god thats dirty and funny at the same time
2006-11-22 10:31:00 · answer #9 · answered by animallover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
heard this one last week
2006-11-22 10:26:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋