Why can't single moms get a break??? I'm a single mom doing my best to raise my daughter without any help . .

Question

No child support for various reasons, can't get help from the state because they say that $9.00/hour is more than enough to support 2. But yet every month I end up coming up short with the bills. I don't have anything more than is necessary - just rent, daycare, electric, phone, car insurance and gas, food, pull-ups (my dd is 2 1/2). I don't own a cell phone or even buy anything new for myself, the only luxury I allow myself is dial up internet. So why is it that at the end of the month that I'm constantly overdrawn and don't have enough money to pay for gas or groceries or one of my utility bills? Why is it that the state won't take into consideration that people actually have to pay taxes out of their checks (to support the ones that sit on their butts)? And why is it that they consider a car to be a luxury if I need it to get back and forth to work in? What can I legally do to make more money from home (so I don't have to shell out more money for babysitters)? Any X-mas ideas?

My family can't/won't help out and even if I got child support, I'd be lucky if it was all of $20/week.

Unfortunately can't live with family for various reasons.

And for those of you that are inclined to think that my child is going to grow up to be a sociopath just because she's growing up in a single parent home, stop and look at more statistics - just as many criminals come from nice 2 parent homes in the suburbs as do from single parent homes.
And if you are going to pay my rent and other bills, I will gladly stay at home with her all day long! My child is very well adjusted and happy. Thank you.

When I said that the state won't help, I actually meant DSS/Foodstamps/Daycare help, etc. Can't get any of it. Thanks for the suggestion, though.

Answer 1

Have you tried the Family Indepedance Agency? I make $14.50 /hr and still qualify for aid for me and my daughter. I'm a single mom as well with a 4 month old. I don't get child support either because my ex is lazy and won't work. I'm in the same boat. Try WIC, the FIA office, churches (even if you don't belong), garage sales, and bulk food stores for pullups and food. A penny here and there does help. I also clip coupons. Meals from scratch if you know how and have the time are good money savers too (and more nutritious). I put all of my daily pocket change in a jar and get about $40 extra at the end of the month. That's an electric bill for me!

To make more money, I don't know. I need help on that one myself. But I do know you can get paid to go to college. I am taking 12 credits at a local community college and got a $700 refund check AFTER tuition and books. Free money! And you can work toward a degree to get a better aying job in the future.

For christmas, try getting things that can grow with her. Homemade things are always nice too. Try searching the internet for homemade non-toxic playdough. You can color it with food coloring! Or take her to one of those build your own bear stores. She'll love the bear more because she got to make it and it'll only cost you $20. To make it seem like she got more than she did (and have more fun Christmas morning) wrap as many things seperate as possible. Also, wrap a box with nothing in it but a card that says "A kiss from mommy" or something. At 2.5 they have more fun tearing the paper than anything else!

Answer 2

The woman clearly needs to commit more, and the relationship you're in doesn't come easily, but I can't be completely fair and balanced if I don't know how much you try. Sometimes it helps to outright state what you are concerned about. Tell her that you know she is capable of achieving much more for her family and that involves working committed hours and producing more results. Your family should move to greener pastures if the selection is so bad where you live. Tell her word for word that you've waited seven years for her to fulfill her promise to leave that job and boss so you feel like an idiot watching her not only still working there but alongside the same boss she had a relationship with. That it's unfair to even give you the chance to be jealous ESPECIALLY since she kept it a secret from you at first. Instead of working as much as she possibly can and saving up money in case of the worst, she works less and finds the time for other activities.Maybe ask her how many applications she turns in? I think it'd be a good measure of how much she's working on it. If she wants to continue to have you as a husband, she needs to know that you want to be treated with respect, and finding time for recipes instead of job hunting or working something out new entirely isn't treating you with respect. The same way you would push yourself to provide for the family, she should be expected to make the same sacrifice. Finally, the child in the family will still need you. Even though he or she isn't your responsibility you have to be the one that puts those around him ahead of himself. Even though you're not treated fairly, the child never did anything wrong and is owed parents even if the debt is outstanding.

Answer 3

The government does take into account taxes when they do their calculations. A car is a luxury because of all the upkeep it needs; people more frugal take the bus or walk when they can. You may need some help with budgeting - there are agencies or someone at your bank could probably help you with that. The money has to be going somewhere, right - do you have a lot of meals out, or take out food brought in? That really adds up. So does having coffees or lunches out while at work. Just some things to think about.
The computer and internet are things you don't need, so that's probably what should go. You could be spending the time with your children anyway, and use that money for Christmas for them and to give you a little extra once you sell the computer. Wish you luck.
And why isn't the father, or fathers, paying child support? Even something is better than nothing, and would help ease your mind.

Answer 4

You can get a second part-time job to help supplement income. It will be hard, but the extra income will help. Try and think of creative ways to make more money! Offer to clean people's houses on your days off (You can bring your child with you) or offer a pet sitting service. Contact your local post office and phone book agency, sometimes they pay people temporarily to deliver things.

Your second choice would be a long term commitment to making an investment by going back to school. I know that you would be able to get federal aid and go back to school free. You can start out just a few classes at night and work yourself up. This would ensure that you will be making more than $9 in the future. Without an education it will take you a very long time to climb the ropes unless you are extremely skilled! Federal aid will often offer extra money if you have children. Please check it out!

Last but not least, I want to say good luck and I know you can do it!! Millions of mom's do!! My mom was a single mother of 4 kids and she did the best we could...now we are all college educated and in good places in our lives and able to help our mom. Put 110% of your effort into it and it will come back to you tenfold!!

Answer 5

Could you get a roommate or live with a family member? Even if you did this for only a short term, say 6 months and saved on rent- you could build a little nest egg. 2 1/2 is still an easy age to buy gifts for- their expectations aren't as high as older kids. Maybe a classic doll like Raggedy Ann, that she'll keep for years, and then just a few smaller things from a discount store, like KayBee or Big Lots.

Answer 6

Being a single Mom has to be one of the hardest jobs there is, I admire the ones who do this everyday.I don't know which state you live in but, I would call Social Services and find out which programs are out there for you, at 9.00 an hour I am sure you could get something like food stamps or something. Please check into it. Since you have the Internet you could sell some things on E-Bay for some extra cash-your children's clothes and blankets that they have grown out of, old magazines etc. There was a program years ago that helped single moms get a work vehicle I can't remember the name but, Social Services would know.

Answer 7

Not so long ago I was in your exact situation, and thought I would be there the rest of my life. I did hit rock bottom, and gave up on everything, including my son. There just came a point in my life where it became too hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was already a single mom struggling to make ends meet, and I got fired. This was my breaking point, and I went into denial about everything. I quit paying my bills, and so my electric was shut off.
My son's father had just come into his life for the first time just as my son was turning 5 years old. Since I was hoping from one friends house to the other my son't father was given custody even though he never paid support or was ever present. At the time I was pissed and couldn't understand a how a court could just give custody like that to him when he had never shown an interest before. I look back now, and see that it was probably the best thing at the time, but I still stuggle with issues from it.

The best job that I worked, money wise, was being a bartender or waitress. Your checks may be squat, but you always have cash on hand and don't have to wait and live check to check.
My advise would be to find one of these jobs at a busy family owned and operated business because when you work for corporations there are a lot more rules on you, your tip outs, and your schedule isn't as flexible.
You can make closer bonds with the owners and co-workers of a family business, so if your daughter happens to be sick one day, you won't get a lot of slack about calling off work.

Also working in a family owned business tends to take less out of your nightly tips, there is usually no bus persons to tip out, etc. It can also help on your tips because these type of places tend to have regular customers, that once they know you, tip you well.
You can work at night while your daughter is in bed and not have to miss out on as much.
Not that this should be condoned, but then you could get on welfare such as food stamps etc. because you are only paid 2-3 dollars an hour by check and you just don't claim all of you tips for the state.

Something else that helped me was to not use daycare centers. I always checked the work wanted section of the paper for people who run a "daycare" out of their homes. They are usually much much cheaper and are more willing to work with you when you are in a pinch. I used to pay my baby sitter with my food stamps sometimes when things got too tight, and she appreciated it because she supplied food for all of the kids she watched. We became very close and I love her and what she has done for me.

Even though this is sad to say, sometimes you just have to "work" the system, to be able to make it. Get help within the "system" any way you can, and if welfare will still not help you ask them to refer you to other agencies that don't have such a low income standard. They will know who you can call for help with daycare costs, bills, food, etc.

Call your electric, gas, and phone company and get put on the budget plan, and if you have ANY type of welfare tell your utility company that as well because they will give you discounts for being on it, and yes that even counts if your daughter has the medical card and that is the only state help you recieve.

Hope that at least some of this helps you and good luck.

Answer 8

It's a shame your children's father doesn't help. You have to pursue court and make him. Dead Beat Dads. It's in the phone book. Make sure you do for your child. No child should go without. My wife was a single mom before we got together and she had many hard ships. She never pursued child support and every month she scrapped by much like you. She can't pursue child support now because he's dead. Think about it.

Answer 9

I have nothing to offer, but I just wanted to congratulate you on being able to do the hardest job in the world :)
There will be others in the same situation, contact local mother/toddler groups and set up a babysitting circle, that way your child will be looked after by experienced childcare providers (other moms and dads)and you only have to watch someone else's child in return, this should free you up to do what ever you find for that extra bit of money :)

Answer 10

It is utterly bizarre to read all these single moms - how do they think they got into this mess? They didn't have to, most of them. Your life is hard because you set it up wrong and your kids are paying the price. And society is paying the price. For your actions, for your bad planning.

Cassandra didn't say having a single mom causes sociopathy, she said all the day care required for a single mom to raise her kids causes it.

The state shouldn't be set up to take over the job you didn't do right, by getting a partner to stick by you and support you so you could actually be home mothering your children.

We are the only primate who pretends her kids aren't harmed by her absence. It's really a sad kind of denial.

You single moms should tell your younger sisters and girl friends - if you don't want him to stick around and make a family with you then don't let his seed near your egg. It's not rocket science, it's birds and bees.

No one in England or America has to be a single mom - it's a bad and damaging choice. Again, you can't get a break because you set up your life totally wrong. And you're taking a kid down with you.

Can't you look at yourself and face what you've done? All you single moms posting here - it's amazing, you act like you're all virgin marys, immactulately conceiving. You made choices that led to this disaster for your kids. Bad choices. Stop pretending they were just another choice. You made bad choices. And your life is hard, and your kids life is hard, and you have to use day care which is churning out the sociopaths, whether you want to face it or not.