My fiance's best friend is a girl. They have been best friends since kindergarten. I think he wants her to be in the wedding but we aren't that close. Am I obligated to put her in our wedding since he wants her to be?
2006-11-22 07:33:45 · 28 answers · asked by Lori J 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I do get along with her. We just aren't that close for me to consider her as being one of my attendants.
2006-11-22 07:44:24 · update #1
It is no longer uncommon to have women in the role of grooms"man" or even Best Women, standing on the grooms side. If you would prefer not to have that - then have her in your wedding party. The wedding, after all, is about both of you and should include those people you are close to, and those people he is close to.
If this woman is his best friend - chances are you will be getting to know her even better now that he is your husband - this is a good way to get that started.
2006-11-22 12:44:10 · answer #1 · answered by Chrys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course she should be in the wedding! Perhaps you could put a male friend or brother as one of his attendants to even it out.
Also, he can have her stand up on HIS side and be his honor attendant. I've seen this done plenty of times.
Remember, this day is about BOTH of you. I don't know why you would want to prevent his best friend from being a part of your wedding day.
She deserves to be an attendant, and if you refuse to have her as a bridesmaid, you'll just give the impression that you're being jealous and petty.
2006-11-22 16:37:58 · answer #2 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you are going to put your best friend in the wedding, then it is only fair that you put your fiance's best friend in the wedding as well. Just one of the many compromises couples have to make once they get married.
Also, think of it this way, if your best friend was a guy, and you wanted him to be in the wedding, yet your fiance didn't want him to be in the wedding, how would you feel?
Putting yourself in your fiance's shoes can help solve a lot of the little things that you shouldn't worry about.
2006-11-22 15:43:41 · answer #3 · answered by Katrina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's no reason why he shouldn't be able to have her in the wedding. If your best friend were a man, wouldn't you want him to take part in what is supposed to be one of the happiest days in your life and not sit on the sidelines? Why couldn't she be one of his . . . what would you call it? "Groom's woman"? Or maybe she can be an usher"ette"? Or maybe she can do something completely different that would be special for both of you like do a reading of a poem or does she sing or play piano/guitar? She could play a song for the both of you . . . Either way, you should come to a compromise on the roll that he will ask his best friend to take at your wedding, but definitely do not tell him that he can't have her in the wedding at all. It may cause some hurt feelings.
2006-11-22 15:56:55 · answer #4 · answered by Ophylia72 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's his wedding too. Are you prepared to have him approve all your attendants?
It sounds like you might be a little jealous. If he's known her since early childhood, maybe you should try to get to know her a little better yourself. If you have issues with their friendship, you may want to address them before you are married to him.
Surely there is a role for her in the wedding, as one of his attendants if not as one of the bride's entourage. Talk to the man-- you say you *think* he wants her in the wedding. You need to have an honest conversation about this, and if you are asking strangers instead of him, you should think about how the two of you are communicating.
A generous spirit is an attractive quality in any person.
Best wishes in your marriage.
PS-- Have you seen "My Best Friend's Wedding"? Hilarious....
2006-11-22 15:40:32 · answer #5 · answered by Ms. Switch 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
ok... i was under the impression that the bridesmais are CLOSE friends of the BRIDE, and u can add the SISTER of the groom as a courtesy, whether or not u get along with her.
but a best friend??? hmm.. if i were u, i would only put her in if i didn't have any close friends to ask. but let's say u have close close friends in mind, and dont' have room for another bridesmaid, then apologize but this is the wedding day that u've DREAMED of and u've already picked ur bridesmaids since forever!!! if u only have like 2 best friends and have room for another one to be someone not as close, i would go ahead and put her in. she is his best friend, the more jealous or rude u act towards her, the more u will drive a wedge between YOu and ur Husband.
good luck~
2006-11-22 16:51:14 · answer #6 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
His alternative is to make her the best man. Would you rather she was his best man or one of your attendents. If you don't get to know her and accept her there are going to be problems. She cant possibly be a threat to your relationship if he has known her since kindergarten. They would have been romantic long before now if they had any kind of attraction. If she is his best friend I suggest you get together with her and give her an honest chance. You might find out you like her.
2006-11-22 15:37:04 · answer #7 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's a REALLY hard question. It is your wedding, and weddings are usually all about the bride, so ultimately it is YOUR decision.
But consider this, if you're best friend from kindergarten (who was male) was getting married and wanted you to be in his wedding, how would you feel if the bride said no?
Maybe get to know this girl better, invite her to a girls night out or something, maybe the two of you will really hit it off.
Good luck!
2006-11-22 15:39:03 · answer #8 · answered by Dasiavuu 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It isn't just your choice who goes into the wedding party...however, if he is friends with her, then she can go on his side and not yours.
I have done a few weddings where the bride had a male on her side and the groom had a female on his side. The bride's friend wore a tux and his vest/tie matched the bridesmaids...then the groom's friend wore a black dress with a sash around her waist that matched the groomsmens' vests and ties.
2006-11-23 11:11:33 · answer #9 · answered by VAWeddingSpecialist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say let her be in it, but on his side. she can be his groomslady/groomswoman, or his best woman. She should wear a dress in the color the guys tuxes are gonna be, something relatively simple. I wouldn't say it would need to match the bridesmaids or anything, but definetly a different color. instead of a bouquet, she could wear a sholder or wrist corsage in your colors. I think you are obligated, but what role she plays is negotiable! bounce it off him and see if he likes it. If not, have her on your side and just make sure she is the one on the end. good luck and congrats!
2006-11-22 16:18:26 · answer #10 · answered by ASH 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋