I have a 4 yr old who just dosen't want to listen, can anyone help?

Question

Well she is one of 3 children in the household. She is the oldest. The others are 2 and 1. It normally starts out right after lunch. We (my husband and I) decided that it would be best if they took a nap until the time that they were 5. Or could do what was asked of them without complaining. Well it seems as if everyday she argues over nap time and bed time as well. We have tried giving her play time instead of nap time..but then by about 5 pm she is the grouchest kid i've ever seen. But it takes 2 hrs to get her to lay down for a nap. I just need some advice I've reached the end of my rope and I don't know what to do? I don't think spanking your children is any way to solve problems. so please don't respond with answers like that.

Answer 1

she sounds like a normal 4 year old to me. i have my own 4 year old and i teach pre k so i am around them for than adult.

you gave in and gave her playtime instead of a nap...of course she is going to whine and complain now until she gets playtime again. she knows you could possibly cave again.

with 3 little ones it is important for you to have time to do something so she must lay quietly on her bed for the naptime.

let her know that it isn't up for discussion and that she can throw a fit if she wants too BUT she will lay on her bed everyday during the designated time.

she will only do what you let her. you are mom. respect isn't an option.

i say to my son, "is listening a choice?" and the answer is no. he must do what i ask. we aren't compromising. he has plenty of other times to make his own decisions and choices through out the day.

good luck.

Answer 2

I have a 4 1/2 a 2 and a 3 month. I completely relate. I deal with it by giving her a choice. I tell her that she can either take a nap or sit on the couch for quiet time. If she chooses to sit on the couch I tell her that she is not allowed to get up but can watch a movie or do something else quiet, i.e. color in a notebook, play with a doll. Most of the time she falls asleep or sits quietly enough for her body to get some rest. If she stays awake the whole time I make sure that she gets to bed early and at bed time I explain that tomorrow she will have to take a "little" rest so she isn't so grouchy. It has been working for about 3 months now. You have to stand your ground though, no getting up unless she has to go potty.

Answer 3

Typically, a child that doesn't listen, is one that is not listened too.
Try active listening when she is talking to you eg, "I understand that you do not feel tired, but it is naptime, and you must lay still for a little while, and just rest your eyes, and when you get up we'll..." (some kind of reward, nothing big, and don't involve candy or $). In addition, I found that using the Montessori approach, by giving 2 options to the child, making the one that you want them to do more attractive, generally works also, although not in all situations. An example of that would be to say "You can either lie down and take a nap now, or you can stay up and not be able to ...(whatever their favorite playtime activity is). Try it and see. You have to stick it out though, children know when you will cave in and have no problem manipulating their parents at times. Be strong, firm, and also listen to her!

Answer 4

Give them a ride in the car for a few days- this should get the four year old into the habit of taking a nap again, because most of the time kids do fall asleep in the car during a ride. Make it comfortable for them in there... then park where there's good shade.... stay there for an hour or so- bring something you can do while they are asleep. Taking them out right away will wake them all up, so bring a book or something to entertain yourself.

Answer 5

My daughter is 3 1/2. I am a single mom and i can honestly say i know the "bedtime" drama well. My daughter takes naps at her preschool and is getting better about laying down for me now at home. What they do at the school is keep it the same everyday. They have all the kids lay down..read a short story then turn on some calm music (they use hawaiian music and since my daughter spent most of her life in hawaii we do the same at home but you can choose whats best for your daughter) They tell the kids they don't have to sleep but they just have to lay down and rest or think..or they can look at a book as long as they are laying down. I have been doing this same thing at home and it works great for us. Usually within 10 minutes she is sound asleep...or if she doesn't..i can usually get her to at least lay there quietly for 30min (at the least) and that helps with the evening grouchies. As for the actual bedtime i ended up just putting my foot down on the subject..1 glass of water, go to the bathroom, 1 book and thats it...she fought it hard the first few days..getting up but i just put her back in say goodnight and go back out..now she knows its not worth the fight and just goes to bed. Hope this helps. (also my daughter had dreams where she thought she was in the bathroom and would occasionally wet her bed...we ended up putting on pull ups at night and it seemd to help to..the no need for stress kept her from wetting her bed and now she feels comfortable to fall asleep and know she'll still lwake up dry and not so embarassed)

Answer 6

I'd suggest that when the other two kids take their nap for you guys to spend time with just her, sit down with her, read her a book and just spend quality time with out the tv or radio or computer on. During the day have her help you out with all your regular daily activities like helping bring in bags from the store, picking up laundry, getting things ready for lunch. If you need her to listen to something thats really important and she wont listen you can take her somewhere quite and hold her face in your hands and talk to her forcing her to look at you and after have her say "yes mommy" or "yes daddy" afterwards.

Answer 7

Going alond with Jaarcegs answer, I would most definately make sure that the 4 year old didn't have any sugar or red dye food items if you expect him/her to take a nap. Some children have so much energy you might try putting in a movie and just calling it a 'rest time'.

Answer 8

Our oldest was very similar to your example and what turned the tide for us was saying no less, but when we said it...we really, really meant it.

In terms of 4 years old and naps...you might be being a bit inflexible...our oldest never took a nap at four...the youngest would have slept all day long at 4 if we would have let him.

If it takes 2 hours...the kid just might honestly not be tired.

Good luck...4 year olds are "flexing their muscles" stick to your guns!!!

Answer 9

People talk about the "Terrible Two's", but I say the "Fighting Four's" are worse.....all I can say is be patient! My four year old acts the same way, and if you look at a lot of the postings here, it seems like we're all having problems with them! I'm sorry I don't really have any advice; I think we're in the same boat....I, also, am at my wits end! Good luck, and if you get any good advice, let me know!! : )

Answer 10

"But the sun's awake" - My kids stopped napping by the age of 2. I think she is too old for a nap, and she should be given the respect of being able to stay awake during the day. Just because it's convenient to you for her to be knocked out for a while during the day, doesn't mean it is right for her.