What are your views on a open or closed adoption for a child who was taken by the state and parental rights are going to be terminated after 3 1/2 years.
We are thinking about possible having an open adoption with the bio parents, but are unsure because of the circumstances. Meaning, we weren't chosen by them to raise their child, the state took him/her as a baby in a bad situation that hasn't gotten any better.
Please give me some ideas on if you have been in one, are the adopted child...etc. What type of open / semi open / closed adoption and were there any problems with both sides keeping their end of the deal up. Info on how many visits you allowed, were given...anything will help. We were all up for a total open adoption until some recent events that weren't the best choices and am on the fence to do it or to totally cut all ties.
2006-11-22 05:53:45 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Keep them coming...great answers...except for he k or whoever it was that I gave a thumbs down to!
2006-11-22 08:17:32 · update #1
Do the biological parents have habits, behaviors or addictions that may put the child in danger? If yes, then it should be a closed adoption.
I personally do not believe in open adoption. If I had grown up with a "second mommy" or an "occasional mommy", that would have confused the living daylights out of me, "Who is this person? Why do they say they are my mommy? She doesn't live here, why does mommy make me see this person?"
But it really depends on the individual child. The idea of open adoption just doesn't appeal to my sense of logic.
2006-11-22 07:08:41 · answer #1 · answered by sovereign_carrie 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The biggest problem with open adoptions is that they are NOT legally enforceable. Even if both parties have a nice legal looking contract drawn up and filed with the courts. Once the adoption is final, the adoptive parents can close the adoption at anytime without reason or notification and the first mother has no legal recourse. Quite often "open adoption" is simply the bait deserate couples use to get a pregnant mother to choose them to adopt her child. I was adopted. It was closed. I didn't even know I was adopted until I was 9. I found out on my own by accident. It was traumatic and took years to be able to deal with it. It caused a lot of problems in my life. I was reunited with my first mom and my siblings and that helped a lot. My ex husband was adopted thru a closed adoption and has not found his first family. He still struggles and suffers because of it. I am an adoptive mother in a true open adoption. Because of my experiences as an adopted person, I refused to keep my daughter's first mom out of her life. She is on my facebook so she can see all the pictures and updates I post about our (yes our, not my) daughter. She can call me anytime she wants to ask how our daughter is doing. Our daughter is only 3 and has severe speech and language delays or her other mother could talk to her too. Someday hopefully our daughter will be able to talk to her other mom on the phone anytime she likes. My daughter's other mom can come visit anytime she wants. She has moved to another state, but she used to come spend one weekend a month with us. Now that she is in another state she comes once or twice a year. She is always welcome to spend a night (or a week) with us. Someday if/when she has other kids, our daughter can grow up knowing her siblings. Oh and our daughter also has a grandmother on her other mother's side! I don't know how my daughter will feel about her adoption experience 20 years from now. I hope that it has been a much more positive experience than I had. However I do believe that she will have some pain and sadness about her adoption. Her story is a sad one and I expect her to grieve the fact that her first mother could not raise her.
2016-05-22 17:23:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am an adoptive mother! I was there the day my son was born. It was one of the greatest days ever. We did an open adoption, I know the mother very well. In fact she is one of my best friends. In our situation, everything works great. She calls, to check up on him and I call her. I was living in Kansas at the time. So I allowed her to see him when ever she wanted. For us, it wasnt a big deal. Due to circustances in my life. I am now in Ohio, and she doesnt see him too often. In your case I would look at the situation. If the home the child has come from is nothing but trouble. I would more then likely do a closed adoption. I dont know that having them in his life at such a young age would benefit him. As for the child. I believe when he gets older, that he has the right to meet them if he would like. Like when he is 18, that way he can find them. That may sound harsh, but in all reality.. trying to better his life, and having them there now. I dont think it;s the right timing. Obviously, they must have done something bad. To have lost him. I would weigh my decision very carefully. In the long run, you are all affected by the out come. GL, I wish you all the best.
2006-11-22 08:40:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My Hubby and I have wonderful twin boys that we adopted. Ours was considered an Open adoption. We were there they day they were born. We only had contact with her for a short time. Then she quit calling our 3rd party. She has never tried to contact us directly. CPS was involved and had she not chosen to have the children adopted they would have been wards of the state. If it would be harmful to the child(ren) then server all ties and don't look back. Once she had signed the papers to Terminate her rights the only issues was the BF he was uninterested and did not have time to sign them. We eventually has to have a constable go out and have the BF sign in front of him. That was our only long snag. Our Atty was great and advised us in what needed to be done.
2006-11-22 07:16:52 · answer #4 · answered by gnatty70 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well I was adopted when I was about 2. I have an open adoption so I have contact with my mom. I like the idea of open aboption because then the child will have full contact with there Biological parents. Then maybe also They wont have to wonder who there real parents are.
2006-11-22 06:56:42 · answer #5 · answered by bearcatz_07 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well it really depends on the extent of the contact.
I lost my older children to the state of Fl(because of my ex long story) ( I now live in AZ)
the 4 were adopted by a loving couple, they allow me to have contact ...the kids call all the time and we exchange gifts , photos ect. they have even let the oldest come visit for 3 wk 2 summers ago. and plan on letting the 14 yr old come out this Summer if she keeps her grades up. your biggest concern needs to be for the child if you feel it would be good for him to have some contact with his birth parents then I would say yes ...but if they have problems do not allow any unsupervised contact.
2006-11-22 07:45:58 · answer #6 · answered by ladysilverhorn 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think the best way is to have a semi open adoption. don't let them have your address, have a middle man, and send pictures and letters. that's what happened with my fiance. he wanted to keep the baby, but she didn't. he eventally gave up his rights, but was getting pictures and updates. unfortunately, he recently died, before his son's first birthday, and i have requested to continue to get pictures and letters. it's nice, even if i never get to see him in person.
2006-11-22 06:01:04 · answer #7 · answered by jammin 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i would prefer an open adoption that way once i was told that i was adopted i wouldnt be wondering who my biological parents are and other things too
2006-11-22 07:59:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋